A Constant in The Darkness

Chapter Seventeen - And the Sun Poured in Like Butterscotch

Darlings,

Once again readers, you astound me. Thank you for sweet remarks and such lovely reviews! I'd like to give a special wave to my admirable LJ reviewer, *Hi there kalimando, my deary! Thank you for gracing my LJ profile.

Thank you to my beta babe n7of9…loving you is easy cause you're beautiful…yep, I'm even singing it. I'm also sending lots of hearts, stars and air brushed t-shirts, cuz I know how much you love them…

Disclaimer: It's not mine.

...

BPOV

"Hold up guys! I told you I'm fucking slow!" I stepped over the large broken branch, the twigs cracking beneath my new hiking boots as I tried to maneuver my way down the path the others had taken. I wiped the sweat from my forehead and paused to tie my hair up again. The bun I had fastened on the top of my head kept slipping, causing my hair to fall around my face and cling to my damp skin. Thank God for the dense canopy provided by the spanning branches of wide trunks ornamented with moss and vines, the sun infiltrating through the breaks in the leaves and streaming in like spotlights, butterscotch beams of swirling dust, and illuminating the dew-dropped spider webs that flourished in the rarely trodden undergrowth. "Daylight falls upon the path, the forest falls behind…"

Emmett was in front, jumping off rocks and fallen trees like a fucking spider monkey in cargo shorts and a t-shirt, his bulky, ripped frame surprisingly agile as he bounded to and from each mountainous platform. Edward followed after him, his baggy shorts hanging loosely below his waist, his shirt removed and tucked into his back pocket. I took a moment to appreciate the planes of his smooth, stretched muscles flexing and tensing with each leap, his chest and back slick with sweat that trailed through the delicate swirls of light hair that sparsely decorated his chest and stomach, his skin stretched across his lovely hip bones, and once again I marveled at the fact that this beautiful boy was mine. They were engaged in a competition to see how far they could get without ever touching the forest floor, chiding smart-ass remarks as their hiking boots hardly touched the slippery surfaces, sometimes literally swinging from branches in an attempt to earn bragging rights.

Rosalie, smartly clad in khaki shorts and a simple black tank top, marched expertly behind them, her wide sunglasses hiding any expression on her perfect face and her blond locks flowing behind her. I swear she wasn't even breaking a sweat. Alice, in her high-waisted, pleated denim shorts paired with a red and white striped boat neck top had classified her outfit as camping attire, declaring that she refused to concede to bad fashion even if it was just for traipsing through the woods. Jasper casually walked slightly in front of her, a cap shielding his eyes and sweating through his faded black t-shirt, a triangle of prismatic color streaking across his chest combined with jeans, frayed and dirt-caked around his boots. Their hands intertwined, they navigated easily through the foliage, Alice's black Docs lightly disturbing the fallen leaves. I, on the other hand, was stumbling and tripping all over the place. Despite sweating through my thin purple tee, I wished I had worn long pants instead of these horribly worn jean cutoffs, the only pair of shorts I'd kept. My newly booted feet failing to cooperate, panting and out of breath, I was so obviously out of my element.

We had been hiking all morning, Edward's stipulation for his birthday camping trip. Carlisle and Esme had dropped us off at the trail, each of them driving a car chocked full of supplies up to the campsite located in the dense, lush greenery of the Olympic National Park, a popular spot amongst the Cullens. They would be leaving shortly after dark, leaving Emmett's jeep in case of an emergency and easing my conscious in telling Charlie the half truth that parents would be present. We were hiking there, becoming one with nature, appreciating the great out of doors and shit. It actually was quite breathtaking, the damp warmth unexpected and neglecting to be soothed by the shade from the large firs and cedars. Apparently, camping was something the Cullens did often and my inexperience was obvious in every detail of planning for this trip. The food alone was a complete hassle, my proclivity for meatless meals making the usual camping menu of hot dogs and pork and beans a bit obsolete for me. I told Edward that he didn't need to prepare anything special for me, begged him actually, not wanting to be that person, you know, the high maintenance whiner who always has an issue with something. I just wanted to be seen as normal, one of the gang or whatever.

Edward had, nonetheless, included some meat free meals in an attempt to make sure I would eat. I reassured him I would be fine, but he was firm on the issue and I didn't argue, knowing this would only cause concern.

Then there was the issue of attire, my winter stash no longer pleasing for the warmer weather that had invaded Forks. The sun was shining and it was warm with moisture hanging low in the air, but it didn't penetrate the skin the way the sun had in Phoenix. I had one pair of cutoff jean shorts, a half a dozen t-shirts, and two black bra tops that I wore under everything. I had recently discovered that with an increase in diet came an increase in cup size. I still didn't really need a bra but I definitely couldn't wear any of my old ones, not unless I wanted a wicked case of quadriboob. I found this prospect proof that I was being successful in fulfilling my promise to Edward, giving me a deep sense of satisfaction in the success, extending this contentment into other aspects of my relationships.

For instance, I was able to finally call my mother after almost three months of being in Forks. She had called me once, I guess to tell me they had moved to Florida. I had returned her call, but she hadn't answered. I had left her a message, giving her Charlie's number too, just in case she didn't have it. I knew she did, though, and when she finally called me back on the house phone she was a plume of apologies, her giddy, childlike voice pummeling me with information.

"You are going to love Jacksonville. It's so beautiful here and we are so close to the beach you could walk there. You know, Jacksonville has a very good college, you should think about applying and if you get accepted you could live here. I'm sure we could turn my art studio into a bedroom for you or at least put a bed in there so you could sleep." So much for my own room, not that I wanted it. Renee droned on and on about the weather of Florida, like that was the fucking most important thing on the planet, a 'deal breaker', she had called it. I didn't give a shit about the weather or the beach or college, all I knew is that Edward wasn't in Florida so I didn't want to be there either.

"Are you eating, Bella? Have you gained weight? Please tell me you've gained weight, you looked so sickly last time I saw you." My mother was such a fucking idiot. The more I associated with competent parents, like Esme and Carlisle, the more I realized what a royal fuck up my mother actually was. I know it's not right to blame others for my problems but, shit, she seemed to fill the 'at fault' criteria pretty well. It had been two weeks since the graduation party and something Mrs. Hale had said was stuck in my brain, a tiny fly of an idea buzzing around my thoughts and annoying the living shit out of me. I realized that vile excuse for a human being knew more about my parents than I did. I was jealous, envious that she had been there to witness the aftermath of my mother's flight. I wanted answers and probably for the first time in my life I wanted to ask her questions and actually hear what she had to say.

I ignored her prying, choosing to keep that bit of information to myself, afraid that if I told her about Edward and my promise to him she'd somehow fuck that up too. Instead, I formulated my own questions.

"Um, mom? Do you know the Hales, by any chance?" I asked her, trying to gather how much information she actually remembered from Forks, her memory always failing at the most inopportune time, or the most convenient depending upon how you look at it.

"Hales? Hales…" She dragged the name out like saying it slower would force her to remember.

I sighed into the phone wishing my mother would fucking come through with something, anything, for once in her life.

Finally, she spoke. "They were rich, right? Snooty types, thought they were hot shit. Yeah, they were a couple years ahead of us in school." Us, her and my dad, the pairing was awkward coming from the voice on the receiver.

"They said they remember you. That they remember when we left Forks." I waited, breathing quietly so as not to miss one word of her response.

"Hmm. Did they?" Her voice had gone still and blank, that youthful innocence lost in transmission, and my stomach twisted in apprehension, fearful yet craving whatever she was going to say next. "Alright, baby. I gotta go, Phil wants to go get some dinner. I'll talk to you later."

What the fuck? No! She cannot do this to me! Of all the fucked up, shady, piece of shit things for her to say, she settles on nothing.

"Mom! Why did we leave? You seriously aren't going to tell me?" I shouted into the phone.

My mother sighed, "Bella, that was a long time ago. I've moved on. But I love you and I'll talk to you soon. Bye baby!" My mother hadn't even waited until I could respond before she hung up and the bile gurgled and churned in my stomach. I had tried to think about my promise, about Edward, tried to imagine him standing behind me as I kneeled over the toilet in the bathroom. None of it mattered that day. That day had been a bad day. I had been weak.

I had spent the next twenty minutes purging what was left in my stomach from breakfast, having skipped lunch, and then sobbing in the bathroom under the guise of taking a shower. I just couldn't figure out why she wouldn't talk to me about it. Maybe she didn't want to drag me into it because I was living here with him. Or maybe he really didn't want me and she didn't want to hurt my feelings. My mind had been fucking spinning from the possibilities and then, of course, I had to tell Edward what I had done. When he got to my house that night he asked me and I told him. I felt nauseated just thinking about the pain in his eyes, how he had crushed me to him and told me it was okay and that not every day was going to be perfect and I shouldn't expect it to be. It was exactly what he was supposed to say, exactly what should have made me feel better. "So overly loving and gentle…"

But that time it didn't. He held me and let me cry into his neck, feeling relieved in the emotional purge as I cleansed my mind of those feelings of self hatred and tried to remind myself that Edward wanted me, he loved me, and that I was good enough to be with him.

No matter what, though, whether I had been strong or overcome by weakness, we always dealt with it together, a team, a unit, dividing and conquering one fucked up situation after another.

It was the same here, in the forest, the pure air cleansing and invigorating, the woodsy aromas of pine and dirt swirling as I was struggled to keep up. Suddenly, there he was by my side, steadying me as I caught the toe of my boot on a troublesome tree stump, pitching forward into the green moss and grasping at the nearest tree for stability, my palm grazing against the bark. I was met with strong arms wrapped around my waist, preventing me from further damaging myself.

"Whoa there, killer," Edward muttered under his breath and he pulled me to standing, smoothing the stray hairs from my face, his long fingers gently caressing my face and neck. "You okay?"

I nodded, giving him a tiny kiss on his sweet, soft mouth, the points of his lips pulling into a smooth grin. "I fricking suck at hiking. I didn't even know this was something a person could suck at."

"Did she fall? Did I miss it?" Emmett was shouting from atop a massive boulder, his voice reverberating off the quiet of the thick trees. I heard Rosalie giggle quietly, trying to stifle the sardonic chime.

"You know this means I won the bet," Emmett added, yelling across the wide distance between us.

"Fuck off, dillweed!" Edward responded loudly with a grin, and we could hear the loud chuckles of the others peppering the quiet with laughter from their various locations along the trail. They were quite a bit ahead of us now, blazing through the path as if they'd done this hundreds of times before.

"Luckily, I'm practically an expert at hiking. You're in good hands, trust me," Edward whispered in my ear. He took my hand, kissing the scraped skin before carefully guiding me slowly through the forest, helping me through brush and over rocks, and gently lifting me over the more dangerous areas, the forest mocking me with her tricky death traps of twine and twigs. Shit, karma really wanted to see me suffer today.

"So, where exactly is this campground extraordinaire?" I asked Edward. What I really wanted to say was, fuck I wish I would have rode with Esme, at least then I wouldn't be holding Edward back, but this was his birthday trip and I wanted to remain positive. I guess I could just chalk hiking up as one more thing I should never be allowed to do, the only result being imminent mortal peril.

Edward chuckled, peering through my pretenses. "It's only, like, another mile or two." He shrugged his shoulders as if this was the most normal statement in the world. Shit! A mile or two? He must have noticed the disappointment darkening my features because the next thing I knew he had lifted me over his shoulder and was running down the trail, trying to catch up with the others.

"Edward!" I exclaimed as I watched the back of his boots kick at his shirt tucked in his back pocket, delighting in the sprinkling of freckles on his shoulders and skimming the muscles of his back down to his waistband. His shorts had slipped low on his hips as he ran, exposing the top of the crack of his ass. So fucking adorable. It wasn't such a bad position to be in if I could forget the fact that he might crash into a tree or something. My hands desperately tried to grasp his damp skin and I found my fingers digging into the skin of his sides. He expertly maneuvered the rocks and fallen branches, avoiding the slippery moss and finding traction in the gravely dirt. "Put me down," I tried to mumble as my voice jumped with each bounce of his step, his bare shoulder pressing into my abdomen and making it difficult to speak.

He only jogged maybe forty feet before stopping, comprehension worming its way into my thick skull. Oh. He was messing with me. "You're an ass," I muttered, pressing my lips into the back of his neck, glistening with perspiration, his musky scent delicious and organic and just so boy.

"You love it," Edward chuckled, helping me to the ground as we ventured into the small clearing. Edward pulled his shirt from his pocket and slipped it over his head and I kind of grumbled at the masking of his beautiful form. I noticed the jeep parked next to the Volvo, the dent in the hood reflecting the light in metallic creases. They were situated on the incline of the hill in front of the level stretch of land where we would make our camp. Surrounded by dense trees and open to the night sky, the clearing was adorned with tall grass and sweet wildflowers similar to the bouquet Edward had given me on our flawed but not failed first date. We hurried over to help, pulling some bags from the back of the jeep.

"You made it!" Emse skipped over to us, enveloping us both in big hugs and kissing our cheeks. I loved how Esme always made me feel so welcomed, like she truly cared that I was there, like my presence mattered. It was a far cry from the greetings most people offered, fake cookie cutter salutations purely out of politeness. Everything about Esme was real and true and I could trust that when she hugged me, she genuinely meant every squeeze.

"How did you like that hike, Bella?" Carlisle joined us to say hello, shaking Edward's hand and giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Piece of cake," I joked, pretty sure Emmett had already informed them of my hiking ineptitude.

"It's a tough one, pretty intermediate. I'm sure you did very well for a beginner," Carlisle chuckled, as we carried the bags up the small hill to the clearing.

Jasper was already erecting a small dome tent as Alice and Rosalie pulled groceries from the bags, unloading them onto the small plastic folding picnic table that Esme had just set up. Carlisle and Emmett pulled a square folding table from the back of the jeep, unfolding the legs and setting up what would be our kitchen for the weekend. Other various items tumbled from the vehicles in the many helpful arms, a stove, kerosene lamps, a food storage bin, bungees, ropes, various types of sporting equipment, and an ice chest.

Emmett then pulled what I could only describe as a bagload of assault rifles from the back of the jeep. I was beginning to wonder what the fuck I had gotten myself into. Emmett noticed me staring and held one of the guns in the air.

"Paintball," he grinned, while Edward and Jasper abandoned their responsibilities to check out their guns.

"I haven't done this in forever," Edward held the gun, aiming at a tree. I still wasn't quite sure what they were talking about. Edward explained, "They shoot little balls of paint," as he pulled a plastic bag of colored balls from the large duffel bag. I was perplexed. That had to fucking hurt when you got hit with that shit.

"And you just run around shooting each other?" I asked, confused at how this could be conveyed as entertainment.

"You don't just run around, Bella. You strategize, hunt. It's guerilla warfare, baby." Jasper attached a metal cylinder he had pulled from the duffel to the side of the gun.

"What's that? Your oxygen tank, for deep sea shooting?" I smirked.

"Close, CO2. It's the gas that propels the paintball forward," Jasper responded, dead serious. He attached a plastic container to the top, pouring several paintballs into the holder.

"Doesn't that hurt?" I asked Edward, looking at the gun warily. "When you get hit?"

Edward shrugged, "Sure, it stings, but the adrenaline rush is fucking amazing, that feeling of being tracked, anticipating the sting. It's probably the most exciting game ever."

"It only hurts if you're a complete pussy," Emmett laughed, knocking into Edward.

"Remember you said that Emmett. Did everyone hear that? 'It only hurts if you're a pussy.' I'll be reminding you about that when you're crying like a little bitch tomorrow." Emmett grabbed Edward into a strangle hold, the two grappling and knocking into shit as they tried to dominate. Emmett obviously had the strength, but Edward was fast and slinky, practically dislocating his shoulder to squirm from Emmett's grip.

Edward and I walked down the small hill to grab some more shit from the car. I looked around, realizing that here weren't any other campers. Anywhere. In fact, there wasn't anything around, no buildings and no signs of civilization.

"Um, where's the restroom?" I asked Edward quietly, not wanting to look like a fool in front of everyone. He pulled my backpack from the trunk of the Volvo and set it on the ground as well as another large duffle bag and some totes.

"You're looking at it," he replied, motioning to the forest around us.

"What? There's not a porta-pottie or something somewhere? Are you kidding me?" I said lowly, really trying not to make a big deal about it but kind of freaking out about the absence of a bathroom and fearing the repercussions if my compulsion where to show its ugly face here this weekend.

"It's okay, Bella. We have this little toilet thing that you put-"

I cut him off quickly. "That's not what I'm worried about," I said rather pointedly.

His face faltered, understanding flickering across his features, and he pulled me into a tight hug. "It's only one night. Two days. You'll be fine."

I nodded. He was right, I had been fine and I would be fine. It was just the possibility that maybe, and the fact that sometimes I couldn't control it, that scared the shit out of me. I didn't want to be the one to ruin Edward's birthday with my perpetual puking.

He brought his gentle hands to cradle my face, his green circles exceptionally vivid against the backdrop of the forest, and whispered, "You can do this."

I could do this. As long as Edward was with me, I could do this. I reached up to press my lips to his, a slow, sensual kiss as I brought his bottom lip into my mouth, licking across the flesh and just tasting the tip of his tongue. "The dizzy dancing way you feel…"

He tried to deepen the kiss but I pulled away smiling, not wanting to do anything indecent in front of his family. He smiled back, squinting his eyes in disapproval. "Tease," he muttered, grabbing most of the luggage and handing me my backpack.

"You love it," I replied, slapping his ass as we walked back up to the clearing.

We continued to set up camp, emptying the cars and finding places for the primitive cooking supplies, hoards of board games and sporting equipment. When we were finished there were two large tents filled with sleeping bags, blankets, pillows and our luggage. We stashed all the food in two large storage bins and an ice chest and set up tons of folding chairs around an old dryer drum that Emmett had set into the ground next to a stacked and overflowing pile of firewood. From the charcoaled dirt burned around the already existing ghost of a hole, it looked as if this spot had been used before. The guys set up a volleyball net and a set of croquet hoops in the open grass and I made a mental note to steer clear of that general vicinity, the traps surely detrimental to my need to not break any bones in the middle of the forest.

By the time we were finished it was well past noon and Emmett was rummaging through the bin, snacking on a huge bag of trail mix. "What's for lunch? I'm starving."

"Sandwiches." Edward pulled the already made sandwiches from the ice chest. "And then there are chips and snacks and stuff in the food tote."

Everyone grabbed a sandwich, Edward bringing me mine, a big B on the side of the foil. I smiled as I unwrapped the sandwich, noticing Edward had left off the meat and loaded the wheat roll with tons of crisp vegetables instead, cucumber, bell pepper, pepperoncini, olives, sprouts, and lettuce. I ate the sub slowly, trying to gauge my body for the pressure in my belly, and with the first sign of discomfort I wrapped the rest of my sandwich back up, satisfied and relishing my small success. Being able to decipher my own body was giving me confidence that this was going to work.

After lunch, Edward, Emmett, Jasper and even Carlisle took their paintball guns and set out into the mountain for target practice. I could hear the shots thudding against trees and rocks, sometimes followed by a hoot or holler, indicating a particularly good shot, I assumed. Esme dragged a chair over to one of the flowering bushes and began sketching the poignant petals onto a sketchpad, while Rosalie sat in one of the chairs by the fire pit sunning herself, her shirt rolled and tied to bare her perfect midriff while she worked on Sudoku puzzles in a small book. Alice had her astrology book sprawled out, laying on her stomach on a sheet in the grass not far from Rose, her Docs kicking through the air as she scribbled into her book, the pages swishing in the quiet. I went to join her on the sheet, bringing one of my books and laying down next to her, fully immersing myself in exploring the social confines of femininity in nineteenth century New Orleans. "They are the ladies of the canyon…"

An hour must have passed as the sun sank behind the high trees. I could no longer hear the repetitive thuds of the paintball guns so the boys must have ventured further into the woods. Alice had fallen asleep next to me, her slow and even breaths a peaceful, lulling hum, and Esme had gone down by the meandering ravine that ran below the edge of the clearing. I'm pretty sure she had to piss and was just too polite to say anything.

The sun now fading in the sky, Rosalie had given up her tanning. She sighed, twisting her long hair back into a low bun at the base of her neck, her puzzle book tossed on the table nearby. I went back to my book and within a few moments the plight of the Pontelliers was gnawing and fixating in my brain again.

"What book is that?" Rosalie asked, her voice rough and brash. I looked up, startled that she was even speaking to me and asking a real question at that, yet I feared the manipulation hidden in her inquisitiveness.

I tossed it to her, limiting the offering of ammunition for future insults. She caught the book, glancing at the title and flipping through the pages.

"Never heard of it. What's it about?" Rosalie asked dryly.

"Um, it's about this woman who is tired of following all the social rules of high society. So she kind of rebels, stops doing what she's told and starts living for herself." The moment the description was out of my mouth I thought of the dinner party and Rosalie and Jasper's dipshit parents, and I literally wanted to grab the words and shove them back into my mouth. I half expected Rosalie to shove them down my throat for me but she just continued to flip through the pages, her features expressionless.

"The voice of the sea is seductive; never ceasing, whispering, clearing, murmuring, inviting the soul to wander for a spell in the abysses of solitude…" Rosalie read out loud from the book then trailed off, her eyes silently darting across the page.

"Do you want to read it?" I asked her. "I've already read it, like, five times. I can read something else."

Rosalie looked up from the pages, her violet eyes discerning and calculating, really trying to decide if she should accept my offer. "Okay," she said finally turning her cool gaze back to the book.

"What are you guys talking about?" Alice stretched beside me, raising her arms over her head, her hair sticking to her face as she sat up and looked around to take in her surroundings. "Are they still gone? Where's Esme?"

"Yes, they're still gone and I think Esme's down by the river," I answered. Alice got up and skipped over to one of the tents, disappearing inside for a moment and reemerging with something in her hand.

"Who needs a nature hike?" She held up a smoothly rolled joint, perfectly twisted and secured on both ends.

"Alice, I can't get high while Esme and Carlisle are here. I wouldn't be able to look them in the face," Rosalie said, her eyes still scanning the book.

"Oh fucking come on Rose. It's only one joint and there's three of us. You probably won't even get high." Alice walked over to me and held out her hand to help me up. I took it, standing beside her as she tried to get Rosalie to play along. "Besides, you never even inhale."

Rosalie wearily looked at Alice, who just smiled her biggest smile and held out the joint like a pendulum ticking in temptation. Rosalie sighed as she stood up and put the book on the picnic table and started to walk away from the ravine towards the woods. Alice and I stood there wondering where the fuck she was going when she turned around.

"What are you fucking waiting for?" Rosalie shouted. Delighted, Alice grabbed my hand and we ran after her into the woods.

…

EPOV

I crouched low in the brush, the dirt crumbling beneath my boots as the sun streamed through the trees to scatter the light across the forest floor. I knew Jasper was behind one of these fucking trees because I had heard him curse when he slipped on the wet mud and fell on his ass. I ran, still crouched, to rest behind a decaying log, frightening a squirrel that scurried up the dead tree and jumped out of sight. Fucking squirrel! I breathed in even, silent inhales, trying to remain anonymous and hidden while my heart pounded in my chest at the risk of exposure.

Clack, clack, clack! Bright red splattered against the tree next to my shoulder and I bolted to take cover. Fucking Carlisle! Ambushing me when I least expected it. Shit! I should have known his mind would be calculating. He had been holding back, hiding and shit, and I thought it was just lack of confidence. He'd been planning this shit all along.

"Did I hit you?" Carlisle yelled from his hiding place. I still couldn't quite place his position.

"No, I'm clean," I shouted back. We hadn't really planned on playing a game but Emmett started talking shit after missing five targets in a row, claiming to be more accurate under pressure. Jasper had called him on it and well, here we were in the middle of a fucking raw game of Points, without masks or pads or any of that shit. When we were out of paint, we were out, and if we got accidentally hit in the face, we were done, like, literally done. People have died from that shit. One thing was for sure, it made the game a whole lot more fucking exciting when you feared the ball colliding with your almost bare skin at 280 feet per second, bruising and splitting in purple and blue battle wounds.

I was ahead by two, having hit Jasper in the leg twice and Emmett right in the gut once. Emmett had fired a shot that hit me in the shoulder but the ball didn't break so he didn't get the point. He was fucking pissed about it too, out for blood, so to speak, and desperate to redeem himself. I was tempted to peek around the large boulder I was now pressed against but I knew Jasper was close and had probably used our voices to determine our locations.

Clack! Clack, clack!

"Fuck, Jasper! What the hell? You only need one shot to get the point! Shit, motherfucker! That fucking hurt like a son of a bitch!" I popped my head up to see Emmett pulling his shirt up in the back while twisting and trying to see where he had been hit, the green paint splattered all over his skin. Sure enough, three perfectly circular red welts were forming against his ribs.

Jasper climbed over the fallen log he had used for cover. "I think I broke paint. My gun's all jammed." He began unscrewing the pieces to inspect his weapon.

Clack!

"Fuck!" I shouted. Red splattered against my thigh, the impact of the ball numbing at first and then spreading into a tingling ache throughout my leg. I looked over to see Carlisle beaming at me from behind a tree, using Emmett as a diversion and causing me to forget I was still being hunted. Sly motherfucker. Him and Jasper must have been working together.

"That's one, right?" Carlisle asked.

I pulled the leg of my shorts up to inspect the wound. It was already bruising, blood rushing to the impacted skin. This one was going to stick around a while.

"Yeah, one," I muttered, wincing in pain as I touched the round mark.

"My gun's shit. I gotta go back and clean it out or I won't be able to play tomorrow," Jasper said, using his shirt to try to clean up some of the misfired paint.

"It's probably time to start building the fire for dinner anyway," Carlisle commented, looking at the sunless sky. It was twilight, the sun setting the clear sky on fire, a billowy paintbrush of purples and reds and yellows streaked across the horizon.

We hiked back through the forest, anxious to get back to the shallow river so we could clean up. I don't know what kind of toxic shit they fill paintballs with but it smells like rancid ass. I couldn't wait to get it off me.

The sky almost dark now, I washed as best I could, planning on throwing the paint stained shirt in the fire as soon as I got back to camp. A dead tree trunk lay across the water, forming a natural bridge, and we crossed the ravine and walked up the small hill to the clearing. Rosalie and Esme sat at the plastic picnic table, a cribbage board open between them as Rose shuffled the cards. They had lit the small kerosene lamp, the bright glow providing the light for their game.

Bella was sitting in the grass, her legs bent to her chest and her head resting on her knees, ivory skin glowing in creamy luminescence. I recognized my plaid flannel shirt wrapped around her shoulders, the sleeves hiding her hands, and she had changed into a pair of corduroy pants, the material tight and accentuating her slight frame. She was humming with her eyes closed as Alice braided stems of long wildflowers through her dark hair. Alice, also now clad in warmer clothing, abandoned Bella's plaits and jumped up when she saw us, running over to Jasper and jumping into his arms, knocking him over in a fierce hug as they both tumbled to the ground laughing.

Bella lifted her head, smiling dreamily as her deep liquid eyes met mine and I bent down to pick one of the small indigo flowers that grew in the clearing. I brought it to her, kneeling down to lightly touch the petals decorating her heavy locks and to kiss her full, pink lips.

She tasted like ash and heady carbon and I knew she had been smoking. I licked my lips, the earthy, grainy taste of weed now in my mouth, and I almost wanted to spit. I was sure she'd smoked with Alice and I was sure it was my dumbass sister's idea but something about the act caused anger to bubble in my chest, pissed my sister didn't give a shit about the risk, but more so the fact that Bella would partake knowing how I felt about it. I breathed out heavily, turning my head away from her as she tried to find my gaze again.

"What's wrong?" Bella truly looked perplexed, like she honestly didn't know why I would be upset. "Hey, look at me." She brought her hands to my face and I could smell it on her fingers too as she tried to find my eyes. My teeth ground together, my jaw fucking aching from the pressure. Bella pressed her nose into the nape of my neck, her breath tickling the skin there.

Bella giggled as she exhaled, "You stink," she said, kissing my neck anyways.

"So do you," I replied, without thinking. Shit! That was a bit harsh and I immediately felt remorse in my contemptuous jeer.

"Oh. So that's what this is about," she stated, removing her touch and bringing her hands back to wrap around her knees.

I closed my eyes, not wanting to be upset, not wanting to let this fuck up the trip. I tried to talk some sense into my own damn head. I shouldn't really care, the risk was minimal to her, and it wasn't like she did it all the time. In fact, the last time had been the party and that was months ago.

Besides, it's not a secret that she smoked pot before she came to Forks, before I was a part of her life. I couldn't ask her to change everything because of me, because of what I wanted, could I? Was that fair? She hadn't asked anything of me. She accepted everything I told her with ease and compassion, even the fucked up shit that should have sent her screaming. I should be willing to do the same.

I tried to pull myself together, taking deep breaths and focusing on forcing the fury from my chest, the constriction lessening with each breath.

The fire pit was a blaze of fire now, Emmett shoving more and more wood into the bin as Rosalie berated him for acting like a moron. Esme and Carlisle readied the hotdogs for roasting as Alice pulled out the pasta salad and condiments from the cooler and handed them to Jasper who set them on the square table. They looked like some family from a fucking Old Navy commercial. Why is it always me that has the issue, the one that brings everyone down with my bullshit attitude? Why do I have to be such a fucking idiot about shit like this?

"Edward…" I held up a finger asking her to give me a moment, still trying to control my anger, or at least mask the anger so she wouldn't know what an asshole I was.

Bella closed her eyes and leaned her head against her knees. I was ruining this for her because I was the one who couldn't get a fucking grip. I couldn't let that happen.

"Bella?" She turned her head to look at me, her pretty expressive face glowing in the flickering of the tall orange flames. Her deep eyes begged for understanding, for acceptance, and I gave it to her, running my hand up her arm and into her hair, massaging the base of her scalp as her eyes closed and melted into my hand. Her lips parted and I brought my mouth to hers, drinking her in, the ashy musk mixed with sweet ambrosial Bella in a languid pull of tongues and lips. I reluctantly pulled away, but I needed to apologize.

"I'm sorry I'm an asshole," I said, my hand still tangled in her hair at the nape of her neck.

"I didn't even think…" She trailed off, shaking her head as she clenched her eyes tight. "I just didn't think, Edward. I'm sorry."

"No need to be. You didn't do anything wrong." I kissed her again, light and easy, a gentle peck upon her berry lips. I picked up one of the braids framing her face, flipping it between my fingers as she smiled.

"Alice did it. She hypnotized me into smoking pot and then she made me sit here while she braided wildflowers into my hair," she joked.

"Fucking stinky hippies," I muttered. Bella laughed as she shoved my side and I stood up and pulled her with me. We walked over to join my family, all of whom were sitting around the fire, their hotdogs speared and roasting in the flames. I ducked into the tent to get a clean, long sleeved shirt, tossing on my pants as the temperature continued to decline. It wouldn't get too cold, mid forties maybe, but still cold enough.

"Bella! I got a hot wiener for you!" Emmett held up two hotdogs stuck on the straightened wire hanger, grinning like an oversized eight year old and stupidly excited he got to say wiener. What the hell? I was pretty sure he knew Bella didn't eat meat by now.

Bella just laughed, passing it off as a joke, but I was a little irritated at his goading.

"Dude, she's a vegetarian. She doesn't eat meat," I tried to explain as if I were really talking to an eight year old.

"Are you speaking from personal experience, Edward?" Emmett furrowed his eyebrows and I wanted to sock him right in his fresh paintball wounds. "Are you sure she just doesn't like your meat? Rose gobbles up mine."

Everyone groaned in disgust at Emmett's crude joke, Rose throwing the rest of her hotdog at him and irritated as all shit.

"What? What'd I say?" Emmett shrugged his shoulders, grinning like an idiot.

"Enough, we're eating, that's crossing the line," Esme smacked her son's arm, causing him to flinch slightly. It was kind of ironic the way big huge Emmett acted like a little baby when his mamma scolded him.

"We tried to tell him but he wouldn't listen," Alice remarked. "He said there's no way in hell Bella is camping with the Cullens and not eating a hot dog. Called it blasphemy, he did!"

"I sure as hell did. What do you think you're going to eat? You can't eat a freaking fire roasted carrot? You have to try it at least, just to get the full camping experience," Emmett added.

"She's not going to eat the hot dog," I said, looking at Bella's resigned expression. This couldn't be good for her situation, the constant talk of her eating just making shit worse.

"I'll try it," Bella said, determination in her every syllable. I looked at her sharply, Alice's gaze following mine.

"You don't have to, Bella," I said, turning to speak to only her. "I'll eat it, it won't go to waste. I'm starving, really, it won't be a problem."

"I want to try it," Bella said stubbornly. "It's just one bite, no big deal. If I don't like it, I'll spit it out."

"That's what she said," Emmett interjected.

"Enough!" Esme shouted.

"I don't think it's a good idea," I said to Bella quietly. She hadn't eaten meat in a long time and with the delicate nature of her digestive system I didn't think she'd be able to keep it down.

"Well, I do. Don't worry, Edward, it'll be fine." Bella walked over to the table and took a bun from the bag and Emmett carefully placed the cooked hot dog between the bread. She sat down in the chair beside him and I watched her smell the meat, her face curious as she bit into the hot dog, chewing slowly and then, after what seemed like forever, swallowing the small bite.

Bella smiled at her accomplishment, her small attempt at normalcy seemingly successful, but I was still wary of the greasy meat's effect on her sensitive stomach.

"Hell yeah, we have ourselves a meat eater!" Emmett cheered, everyone settling into an easy chatter.

I fixed myself a hotdog, not bothering with any of the other side dishes, and stood by the table watching Bella carefully, looking for any sign of distress. The others were occupied discussing the earlier paintball game and Emmett was whining about his trifecta of welts. I didn't even bother reminding everyone of what Emmett had said earlier about paintball pain making you a pussy. I was focused on Bella as she took small bites, chewing slowly and deliberately before swallowing. She was starting to slow her chewing, her bites becoming less and less frequent and I realized I had abandoned my dinner altogether, my eyes fixated on her, waiting for her to give me a signal.

Bella stopped eating altogether, getting up and tossing the rest of her hotdog into the trash bag we had affixed to one of the trees. She walked in a pacing circle and I got up, fearing she was going to be sick. Nobody else noticed, save for Alice, their discussion taking precedence over Bella's eating habits.

Looking around, she quietly slipped down the hill to the ravine and I got up quickly, throwing my hotdog in the fire and following her to the water's edge. She was bracing herself against a tree, her other hand on her forehead, and I noticed she had dipped her hand into the cool water before placing it to her brow.

"Edward, I can't…" she clutched her middle, obviously in pain, and I understood why. Her body was reacting to the foreign substance, the meat. It wasn't her compulsion, problem, disorder, or whatever the fuck we were calling it today. It was normal, a totally anticipated reaction. I fucking knew this shit was going to happen.

But she didn't.

"Bella, it's okay. You're just reacting to the meat. Your body hasn't digested anything like this in over two years. This is a completely normal reason to puke." I kissed her temple, rubbing her back in long gentle strokes and smoothing her hair from her face.

"But I really don't want to puke, I really don't want to," she was pleading, tears slipping down her cheeks as she crouched to the ground, her arms folded across her stomach as she rested in a ball on her heels.

"I know. It's okay." I pulled her hair away from her face, her braids loosening and the flowers wilting, petals and leaves trapped in the tangles. I pulled some of the debris from their snares and then wrapped her long hair into a neat bun, like I had once before.

Bella stood up quickly, her hand over her mouth as she clutched my arm, then turned away from me. She walked a few feet away, trying to regain her composure, and then she was bent over, vomiting violently, falling to her knees as she coughed and spat into the earth. She sobbed, crying "Fuck!" as she heaved again. I knelt beside her and she didn't try to stop me, she just kept crying and dry heaving as I rubbed her back and whispered soothing 'I love you's' and the occasional clichéd 'it's okay'.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I thought I could do it, I had been doing so well with it and I just wanted to eat with you guys, like a normal fucking person, camp like a Cullen, and I couldn't do it. What is wrong with me? Why can't I do this? Edward, why can't I just make it stop?" Bella was shaking and I pulled her into my lap as she twisted her hands into my shirt, her tears soaking into my chest as I rocked her slightly, just fucking willing her to find some comfort in my embrace, in my touch.

"Bella, this isn't like all the other times. Okay? This is different, this is normal. This is not a failure, you hear me? This is a victory. You felt confident enough to try something new, take a big risk. That's pretty fucking awesome." I kissed the top of her head, holding her face in my hand. "And you are camping like a Cullen. A beautiful, brave, extremely stubborn Cullen."

I liked that, Bella being a Cullen. I liked that a lot. This feeling was foreign to me, planning for the future. I'd always been so worried about developing that dreaded disease, I only lived in the moment, fearful of the only future I could see, a future devoid of feeling or tenderness or love. But now, another future was looming, a future with Bella, with someone I love, and I wanted it. I wanted it all, the house, the kids, the wife. My beautiful wife, my Bella.

But could I have this? The truth was, I could never be sure that I wouldn't develop schizophrenia. Ever. It was a constant threat, forever tainting the small particles of hope and happiness I was finding with fear and dread, dread that twisted in my soul at the very thought of what the outcome could be. Ivory skin and dark swirling tangles and blood, the crimson claret trailing from her delicate pink mouth…

I pushed the images from my mind, desperately trying to diminish the fear by focusing on what Bella needed from me in this moment. She needed reassurance, she needed acceptance, and she needed to feel secure, fastened to the fact that this was not a setback.

"I'm so proud of you, Bella," I whispered into her hair, smoke and lavender and earth invading my senses. She sobbed another tearful gasp, shaking in my embrace and pressing my shirt to her face.

"Why? Why are you doing this for me? Why do you even bother with all the shit you have to put up with? I'm nothing but a big fucking hassle." Bella choked out the baneful words and I wanted to reach inside her and pull out all the black and sick and dark hatred she held onto. Instead, I appealed to her more logical nature.

"Bella, would you do it for me?" Bella stilled, pulling her face from my chest to looking up into my eyes.

"Of course I would. I would do anything, Edward." Her fingers still gripping my shirt, I held her face in my hands, losing myself in her deep, dark pupils, forcing all my conviction into my words.

"Then you already know why."

Her face softened, comprehension dawning behind her wet lashes. She nodded, solidifying the fact that we were a unit, and burrowing her face in my chest again, calm and quiet this time.

We sat beside the creek for a few more moments, the black water sloshing against the rocks and bending around the exposed branches, the force carving and eroding the earth. Bella reached down to the stream, pooling the water in her hands and splashing it to her face, using the t-shirt she wore beneath my flannel to dry her skin. She pulled the hem of the shirt to wipe her face and exposed her small stomach and the lower curve of her breasts, my position below her profitable in noticing the white enticing skin, and I felt like a complete fucker oogling her chest and imaging my hands all over her while she was dealing with this shit. She swiped at the wisps of hair in her eyes, pushing it behind her ears as she stood up. She offered me her outstretched hand and I took it, standing and wrapping my arm around her waist as we walked up the hill, back to the clearing.

"Are you okay? We could hide out for awhile. I'm sure we could find something to do," I moved my hand under her shirt, running my hand along the naked skin of her back and side, slipping my fingers under her waistband and clutching at her hip. The flesh pressing beneath my fingers seethed and I clutched her closer to me, fucking wanting her, needing to touch her, finding that place between us where we connect, where everything perfect fucking collides in unison and just fucking fits.

"Tempting, but I think we should go back." She curled her face into my side, wrapping herself around me as we entered the clearing, the light of the fire covering my family in a flickering ocher glow. Esme stood when she saw us, moving towards us in concern. Shit! They were going to ask fucking questions.

Bella must have sensed my trepidation because she squeezed my waist in understanding as Esme approached us, concerned and silently begging for reassurance.

"Are you okay? Is everything okay?" Esme asked quietly. Yeah, I was pretty fucking sure Esme knew about Bella's problem, her overt concern failing to mask her supposed ignorance. I smiled at my aunt, knowing that she was trying to be nonchalant and that she was failing miserably, her compulsion to mother overpowering her emotions.

I started to speak, but Bella beat me to it. "Yeah, I just got sick. Edward thinks it was the hot dog because I haven't had meat in so long," she said to Esme. Esme nodded, looking at me for confirmation and I gave a quick nod in agreement.

"Do you want us to take you home? We're leaving in a little bit, we could drop you off," Esme offered.

"No! No, I'm fine now. Honestly. It was just the hotdog. Maybe…maybe I should eat something else, like some crackers or something." Bella had picked up on Esme's awareness as well and was giving her this as reassurance.

"Okay, but if you need us, you'll call? Emmett has his cell and we're just a quick trip down the road." Esme pulled Bella away from me, surprise on Bella's face as Esme hugged her in a tight embrace. "You call if you need anything, you hear me? Anything, anytime," Esme spoke in a quiet fierceness and Bella nodded, her eyes glistening in the moonlight.

We joined the family around the fire pit, Alice's eyes oscillating between mine and Bella's. The conversation quieted as we approached, everyone apprehensive in how they should act, a general feeling of awkwardness surrounding the campsite.

But Bella wouldn't have it. She plastered on a huge smile and joined the group, plopping down in the chair next to the one Emmett and Rosalie were sharing.

"Congratulations Emmett, your hot wiener made me puke," Bella joked, trying to ease the tense atmosphere and surprising the shit out of me. I thought she'd want to keep it quiet, not wanting to draw attention to herself.

"Seriously, you puked? I guess you can't please everyone," Emmett responded, shrugging his shoulders. "Just the one that matters." He wrapped his arms around Rosalie, suffocating her in a grappling bear hug.

Everyone groaned in disgust, the tension dissipating and making room for easy banter once again. Bella smiled warmly at me and I was amazed at her bravery, fucking floored by the awe I felt for this girl and how it swelled and surprised me with each passing day.

We roasted marshmallows and made celebratory birthday s'mores, the group singing despite my protests. Honestly, they were terrible, a bunch of tone deaf bastards, but this really was the best fucking way to spend my eighteenth birthday. Carlisle and Esme left after a wicked game of Uno aided by the bright kerosene lamp. Carlisle helped us hoist the airtight food tubs and ice chest into the back of the jeep and we sent the trash bag home with them, a pathetic guard against bears, but it was the best we could do.

Bella was a little apprehensive as she watched us bear proof the campsite before they left, ridding the site of anything food related.

"Are there really bears, or are you just messing with me because you know I'm inexperienced and you get some sick satisfaction out of seeing me squirm?" Bella asked me, her worried eyes scanning the dark forest that skirted the clearing.

"We've seen bears before but it's only a small risk. I assure you, we know what we're doing out here, and we have weapons if we need them," I tried to ease her fears. We'd really only seen one or two bears in the past two years and they were always on our hikes, farther up in the woods. Really, we were just playing it safe.

"Weapons?" she asked cautiously, her eyes narrowing as she titled her head to the side.

I smiled widely, "Emmett has, like, five different knives tucked away in his tent, two of which I'm sure are hidden on his person."

"Is that supposed to make me feel better? Because honestly, I don't know what's worse, a bear attack or Emmett harboring mass amounts of cutlery," Bella said, raising her eyebrows at me.

"I wonder if he brought his crossbow?" I taunted her as she muttered profanities, causing me to laugh.

After the adult supervision left, Emmett and Jasper broke out the flasks, the scent of whiskey filling the air as they all took turns sipping from the canteens. Like always, I refused their offers, finding comfort in the fact that if there was a bear attack at least one of us would be in their right mind. To my surprise, Bella refused too, wrapping herself in my arms instead and snuggling into my lap as we watched the fire begin to die, the flames now a smoldering pile of glowing coals.

Alice and Jasper went to walk down by the stream while Emmett and Rose played a game of cribbage at the table, Emmett cursing as Rose pegged her way around the board, her superior math skills giving her the advantage. Bella and I laughed at their exchanges, each of them talking shit as they counted their points and laid their cards.

"You fucking stole my crib dude!" Emmett whined, as Rosalie counted out another twenty point hand. "This game is pure luck, no skill involved whatsoever. I'm fucking done with this game. I'm going to bed." Emmett stormed off to their tent to pout.

Rosalie laughed, "Come on, babe! It's just a game." She left the cards on the table and followed him, ducking into the canvas shelter.

Alice came running up to the circle of chairs, excited and bouncing into the other tent that was for the four of us to share, and dragged out our sleeping bags, her small figure enveloped in blankets. She carried them to the grass, dumping them onto the ground.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked her, watching her skip back to the tent as Jasper slowly made his way to the site, flicking the remains of his cigarette into the fire pit.

"We're sleeping outside! There's no clouds so I'm sure it won't rain and we've got lots of blankets and shit. We're going to sleep under the stars, the sky our ceiling tonight," Alice said as she continued to get our pillows, adding them to the pile. Bella sat upright in my lap, turning to look at me in excitement, before getting up to help Alice lay out the sleeping bags. I watched them straighten the blankets onto the grass and I sighed as I looked at Jasper, who just shook his head and shrugged. He was confirming what I already knew, that it was futile to argue once Alice got an idea in her head.

"I'm not sleeping on the dirt, dude. I think we have a tarp we can put down first," I conceded, searching our supplies and finding the sheet of black waterproof canvas. I walked over to help Alice and Bella set up our new outside sleeping arrangements. Alice went over to Emmett's tent, shaking the structure and trying to get their attention.

"Emmett, Rose, get your asses out here. We're sleeping under the stars," Alice yelled and continued shaking their tent.

"No, we're not!" I heard Rosalie respond.

"Yes, you are! Come on! Don't make me come in there, you know I'll drag you out here myself." She would too, I've seen her do it before.

Rosalie and Emmett emerged from the tent and Alice cheered, clapping her hands and helping them get their sleeping bags.

Soon we were all lined up on the grass, our sleeping bags spreading in an even arch across the tarp. We each climbed into our separate sleeping bags, bundled in sweatshirts and socks. I tried to get as close to Bella as I could, wanting her in my sleeping bag with me, but it really was starting to get cold. There just wasn't enough room for two in the mummy bag without having to unzip it and I didn't want Bella to freeze. Instead, I brought my arms out of the cover and wrapped them around her, resting my face against hers in the most pitiful cuddle ever. We were surrounded by the sounds of the forest, the predators just now coming to life as we lay down to sleep. Somewhere up the mountain a wolf howled and Bella gasped, sitting up and looking into the dark trees.

"Are you sure we're safe here?" she asked me.

Emmett laughed, a loud, booming sound in the soft rustling of the forest, and I pulled Bella back to my arms.

"Relax Bella, that's just Jake the wolf," Jasper teased.

"Who?" Bella asked, her body tense.

I caught on to the game. "You know, Jake the wolf. Didn't you ever watch that cartoon when you were a kid? The one with the one eyed wolf named Jake?"

"Yeah! Nobody liked him because he smelled bad. I think it was supposed to teach kids about personal hygiene or something," Rosalie chimed in, giggling through her addition.

"That's right! He'd always cry at the moon because he had no friends. That was a great show," Emmett added, sighing in nostalgia.

"I don't think I ever watched that show," Bella cautiously mumbled.

"That's because they're making it up, Bella. They're dicking around with you because they're assholes." Alice, the big ruiner, had to open her big fucking mouth, once again.

"You guys are assholes. I totally thought you were serious," Bella laughed, appreciating the joke as we erupted into laughter. The conversation waned, Emmett busting into the occasional fit of laughtershocks but after a few moments it was quiet.

"Okay, my stargazer, which constellation can you impress me with tonight?" Bella asked me quietly, the others surrounding us already drifting off to sleep. It had to be past midnight now and the excursions of the day had been fucking exhausting, the lull of sleep calling to my aching muscles. But my Bella wanted to talk stars and I never passed up an opportunity to please her, especially with shit that made me look brilliant.

"Well, we talked Ursa Major, right? Opposite of that is a little constellation that looks like a 'W', like a crown." I pointed towards the north star, pointing out the cluster of stars directly opposite the big dipper. "That's Cassiopeia."

"Oh! I've heard of that one! She's a queen right?" Bella asked, turning to face me, her nose pressed against mine, the peppermint on her breath reminding me of the night's earlier events.

"Yeah, an exceptionally beautiful and vain queen. She promised her daughter, Andromeda, to marry Perseus, but then changed her mind. So she got one of Poseidon's sons to break up the wedding, pissing Perseus off. Perseus was one badass dude. He had recently slain Medusa so he used her head to turn everyone at the wedding to stone, including the fair queen, Cassiopeia. Poseidon threw her up into the sky, but Cassiopeia's vanity caused him to put her chair revolving around the North Star, so half the year she has to sit upside down, looking like a damn fool," I grinned at her, kissing her little nose as she snuggled closer to my face.

"So she got what she deserved, right? Even back then people loved to see the beautiful mean queen fail. They got some sick satisfaction in proving the perfect have flaws," Bella said thoughtfully. "And then all you're left with is another statue, another human hardened and devoid of humanity. It's kind of awful."

"I think they just liked to tell people what to do. These were like warnings, lessons to live by, so you wouldn't get yourself into trouble." I closed my eyes, sleep pulling at my lids, and the moment my eyes closed, sleep enveloped me and I succumbed quickly, barely hearing Bella's voice as she mumbled something into the darkness.

…

I could smell her before I even opened my eyes, lavender and smoke, the campfire lingering in her hair, strands tickling my face as I felt a warm body pressed against me. I lingered between dream and reality until the biting chill invaded the inside of my sleeping bag. Bella was staring into my eyes, her hands roaming my body as she silently pulled up the hem of my shirt.

Holy fuck, what was she doing? It took a whole minute for me to realize that she had crawled into my sleeping bag and that she was obviously aroused. The primal need radiated in her eyes as she bit down on her lower lip and pulled my leg between hers, grinding into my thigh and pushing into the bruise left from the paintball. I winced, the pain superseded by the now intense throbbing that was building in my groin.

She curled down slowly to trail her lips along my stomach, licking my skin and moving beneath the waistband of my sweats. Grasping my swelling shaft in her hands, her lips enveloped me as I fully hardened in her mouth. I wanted to cry out but I quickly remembered that we were not alone in the thick of the forest. I looked around, making sure we were not disturbing the others as Bella continued to slide her mouth up and down my cock so slowly, her tongue swirling and flicking as her little hands moved in unison with her mouth. I could hardly breathe, the feeling of her mouth causing me to writhe my hips, and I felt the tingling spreading to my toes and fingertips, wanting to beg out loud for her to go faster.

Instead, she removed her mouth slowly, licking the tip a few more times before pulling off her thick sweatshirt, her pert nipples visible through her thin t-shirt. She crawled up my body to force her tongue into my hungry mouth and I had to have her now, the craving burning in my being and pulsating through my veins. My hands roamed all over her as she clutched at my sides, her short nails digging and tearing into my skin as I forced her shirt up to grab at her breasts, twisting and pulling at her nipples as she groaned into my mouth. I pulled away, frozen, fearing that we were too loud, the anticipation of possibly getting caught fucking hot as hell. I looked at her face and brought my finger to my lips, indicating we needed to be silent. She nodded, her mouth parting as I brought my hands to her hips, pushing down her pants and exposing her bare behind to the elements. She rolled away, her back to me as she pushed her ass against my erection and I fucking almost came right there, all over the ivory flesh of her crease. The pressure exceeding what I was capable of withholding, I paused, trying to regain control.

Bella pulled one of the extra blankets around her legs, tucking the fabric so that she was covered, and brought her knees up to her chest. She reached behind her to grab my dick, bending forward and pulling me into her. Fuck! She was so fucking wet, so consuming, and the fucking warmth flooded over me. This was by far the sexiest thing I'd ever seen, Bella's bare ass and my dick entering into her, the moonlight causing her flawless skin to burn white. I couldn't control myself any longer, I wanted to fuck her, feel myself pulse inside her warm wet flesh.

I pushed into her hard, using my hands to grasp at her hips, my fingers again drilling into her skin. I pulled her back against me, sucking on her neck as she writhed against my body, grinding onto my dick and twisting her hips as I moved my hand beneath her and over her chest to pull at her nipple. I found her hand already there and our hands twisted together, groping both breasts in silent ecstasy as I continued to push into her forcefully. She was panting now, reaching down between her legs to feel herself, to feel me entering her, her fingers touching and fondling, small gasps coming from her mouth. I felt my entire abdomen tense, a tingling in my back, the insurmountable pressure throbbing within me, and I paused, not ready to let go of this feeling yet. Bella continued to push and writhe against me until we heard a rustling of vinyl from beside us. Again, we froze. Alice was moving in her sleeping bag, turning over to face us but still asleep.

I slowly and silently pushed into her again and again, feeling her tense around my cock, pushing and pulling with fervor now. I could feel her hand grasping at my dick, her palm pressing into her clit, and she groaned loudly, unable to stifle the need. I brought my hand up from her hip to cover Bella's mouth, her warm, gasping breath forceful against my fingers. Her teeth dug slightly into my palm and clamped onto the skin as she moved to grab the hand around her mouth, clutching to it as her own hand between her legs moved faster, her fingers grazing the base of my shaft, and with this contact I couldn't hold back any longer. The pressure exceeded, my muscles contracted, and I came hard into Bella, warm and tight, feeling the powerful shock of the orgasm shake in my legs and arms and tingle in my back and stomach, just fucking trembling from the euphoric high as Bella continued to shake against me, the beautiful porcelain skin of her neck flushing and pink.

I didn't even know if she came but eventually she stilled, pulling away and turning back to face me. Pulling her pants back up around her waist, I proceeded to do the same. She wrapped her arms around my neck, kissing my lips softly and slowly and silently, abandoning her separate sleeping bag and pulling the blanket to cover us both instead.

She settled her head into my chest, our legs tangled and twisted in the blankets, and I brought my hand to trail through her hair. Within a matter of moments she was asleep, peaceful and quiet breaths resonating against my chest as she lightly rose and fell, her breathing feeding my very life force and within this lullaby, I found my rest, giving in to the serene and coveted slumber.

…

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A/N

I have been looking forward to sleeping bag nookie for so long! I love me some great outdoors lovin'!

Joni Songs Referenced:

I Think I Understand

Clouds

Ladies of the Canyon

Chelsea Morning

God Must be a Boogie Man

Book Referenced:

The Awakening by Kate Chopin- Seriously, one of my favorite books. READ IT! (If you can actually tear yourself away from fan fiction for a couple days :)