For the Summer - 1998

CH 17 – That Time My Dad Tried to Sell the Marina

1998

Journey with Steve Augeri and Deen Castronovo records a track for the soundtrack to the movie Armageddon called "Remember Me."

Record high global temperatures are recorded by NASA and the CRU.

Michael Jordan wins his sixth NBA championship and sixth Finals MVP award in six full basketball seasons, an unprecedented feat.

…
I grumble at the butterscotch sun pouring in through my window. I just woke up and I'm already sweaty. I turn over, my face sticking to the plastic wrapping of my midnight fruit roll-up and I feel a sharp, hard object under my arm. I pull the cellophane from my cheek while searching for the evil disturber of sleep that's now wedged in my armpit.
It's the phone. And it's still on.
"Hello?" I ask into the receiver on the off chance someone's on the line.
"Bella?" His voice is groggy and I'm perplexed.
"Edward? Did we just phone sleep together?" I ask and I hear Edward laugh. I sold some of my photographs to this magazine, Arizona Boating and Watersports, last month. It's a pretty small publication and I don't make that much money but, still, it's something. And it's mine. With my first paycheck, I went into town and bought a cordless phone so I didn't have to sit on the kitchen floor. I talk to Edward every week now, sometimes every day. Sometimes, I call and leave him a message on his phone or he calls me late at night and we talk until I'm so tired I get naplash.
"I guess so. Don't tell your boyfriend," he teases and I frown. Yeah, I haven't told him I no longer have a boyfriend yet. I'm afraid it'll just mess everything up. I told Tyler I didn't want to marry him. I told him I wanted to be on my own and that maybe we could take things slow until I'm done with school and have things a little more put together. This was bullshit, an excuse. I didn't want to hurt him and I took the coward's way out. He agreed and then we had a month of awkwardness because he didn't really mean it when he said he'd take whatever part of me he could. I hurt him, our disorganized bond dissolved. I broke his heart and I felt horrible about it.
I cried and tried to assuage my conscience by explaining it to him. We fought and he said I never loved him. I told him I'd never marry him because he's a selfish asshole and I cried some more because it's wasn't true in the slightest. So I apologized. And then it was done.
I know exactly why I haven't told Edward. We're good at being friends, even friends that live twelve hundred miles apart and I'm afraid to change any element in our already rocky relationship. I don't want to jinx it.
Which is really stinking lame.
"We broke up," I say quickly and he's silent. I can't even hear him breathing.
"What happened?" His voice is gravel.
"I told him I didn't want to get married."
"You don't want to get married ever, or don't want to get married now?" The words are quick off his lips.
"I don't know, I just don't want to get married. That's how I feel today."
"Okay, fair enough," he says quietly. "Are you sad?"
"I am sad. He was a nice person and he loved me and I hurt him. I let him down," I ramble and my chest feels empty. "But you were right. I don't want to marry him."
"I'm sorry you're upset, Bella. I wish I was there to buy you ice cream or something," Edward says and I sigh.
"Me too. Thanks for letting me talk about it," I say, because I really am glad we're at this place in our relationship, where we talk. We say what we mean and we mean what we say. I've come to the realization that I horde my thoughts in my head and then expect people to understand how I feel. I don't know why it's so hard to find the words sometimes or why I'm so scared to share them. But it's something I'm working on. It's easier on the phone, when I don't have to see Edward to tell him how I feel. It's like a little plastic cordless security blanket. It's like talking to myself and then I hear his words and it works. Better than I thought it would.
"So when are you coming to visit your brother?" Edward asks.
"I'm flying up the Monday before Thanksgiving." I get out of bed, put on my shorts and wrap my hair in a rubber band. I'm going to use the ticket Edward got me for my birthday. I wanted my dad to come too but he refused. He doesn't want to leave the marina unattended, even though no one will be here. Thanksgiving isn't exactly our busiest month. I think it's an excuse. I think he wants me to go by myself, that I need to do this on my own.
"It's going to be cold, you know."
"I know. I'm going shopping with Leah tomorrow. What do I need to get? Like hats and mittens and things? Is it so cold that I'll need long underwear? I've always wanted to wear long underwear," I say, pausing to pull my sleep shirt over my head.
"Yeah, the kind with the flap in the butt, you'll definitely need those," Edward says and I don't know if he's serious. "And maybe some of those knee high fuzzy boots and a catsuit. A really tight one. It helps retain body heat."
"Are you messing with me?" I ask.
"Depends. What are your thoughts on catsuits?"
"You're an ass," I smile and I bet he's smiling too.
My phone beeps. My battery's dying, probably because it's been on all night. Oh shit, those charges are going to be outrageous.
"My phone's about to die. I'll call you later, okay?" I say as I run my fingers over the small white shell bearing our initials on my dresser.
"Okay." He hangs on the line. "Oh, and Bella,"
"Yeah?" I'm reluctant to let him go.
"Good morning," he says. I smile and I'm warm.
"Good bye, Edward."
The whole way to the airport I feel like I'm going to throw up. I've never been on an airplane. I've never even been in an airport and I'm freaking out that I might miss my flight or, you know, crash land in the middle of fricking Utah.
My dad insists on walking me to the terminal. We pass through the metal detectors and he stands with me at the gate. I clutch my ticket in one hand, my tote bag slung over my shoulder, and we wait.
"Make sure you kiss that baby for me," my dad says and I nod. "And call me when you get there."
"I wish you were going too."
"I know, but I've got some things I need to take care of at home. I'll be fine, I promise." His gray mustache twitches as he winks at me. I'm not too worried. Leah said he could spend the holiday with her and Jenks. Seth came home last month. He has a real nice girlfriend I guess, even Leah likes her. Her mom will be there too, so at least he'll be around a bunch of people.
My plane starts to board and I kiss my father's cheek. I sit between a guy in a suit popping his gum and clacking away on his laptop computer and an old lady who smells like baby powder reading a harlequin romance novel. It's right about now that I realize my life is like a B movie from the 80's. I want Brooke Shields to play me.
I wanted to wear my University of Washington sweatshirt, even though it's faded and threadbare but then I thought it would be too dorky. So I bought a nice fuzzy sweater in Vegas. It's royal blue and thick and warm. I'm tense the whole flight. My hands grip the armrests and the old lady is irritated I'm monopolizing them but I don't care.
My stomach drops, my ears pop and then I'm in Seattle. The weather is cold and thick, opaque clouds hover around the tall buildings. The wind blows straight through the threads of my sweater. Emmett and Vanessa pick me up in the minivan. Emmett gives me a big hug and Vanessa looks at me warily from her carseat. My teeth chatter and I climb into the front.
"Holy frozen appendages, it's fricking cold here," I mutter and Emmett laughs. He wears a beanie and a heavy fleece coat. I don't think I brought enough clothes. I'm going to have to double up on layers. During the winter, it does get cold at the marina sometimes, but nothing like this.
"Vanessa, honey, this is your Aunt Bella," Emmett says to his daughter in the back seat and I can't believe how she's grown. Her hair curls around her ears and her eyes are big blue sparkling crystals. She has a face like an angel and long eyelashes and I think she might be the most beautiful child I've ever seen.
"Hi Vanessa," I say with a big smile and she hides her face.
"It's okay, she's just being shy," Emmett explains.
"She doesn't know me," I say. I mirror her shy stare, peeking around the side of the seat and she lets a small smile slip. I smile back and my heart sings. We play peek-a-boo the rest of the way home and by the time Emmett parks in the driveway, she's saying my name and telling me about her doggie, Muller.
"Mulder, the dog's name is Mulder," Emmett says and I laugh. "We have one named Scully too."
Emmett's house is lovely. It's tiny but two-stories, with white siding and green trim and a red shingled roof. There's a set of steps leading to a small covered porch, and the door opens to the top level of the house. The inside is all wooden floors and the walls are soft browns and reds. It smells sweet and tart, like apple pie or strawberry shortcake.
Emmett gives me a tour and his dogs lick my hands and follow close on my heels before he puts Vanessa down for a nap. He makes a pot of coffee and we sit in the living room. We just talk, about the marina, about Seattle, about politics and this global warming thing everyone's so worried about. It's comfortable, curled up on my brother's couch with a big, fuzzy sweater and a cup of hot coffee.
Later that afternoon, Emmett explains that Vanessa has a play date with these two other kids and I think this is hilarious. Basically, Emmett and these two neighborhood moms take turns watching the kids once a week so they can have some free time. Emmett usually goes swimming at the gym or grocery shopping. It's hard to imagine my brother grocery shopping but he says he does what he can so Rose doesn't have to and I am in awe. I've never been so proud of my brother.
Vanessa and the two little girls, Charlotte and Maggie, play with blocks on the floor of the living room while Sesame Street plays on the television. Emmett sits on the floor with them, my big huge brother stacking pink and purple blocks and humming along with a song about one of these things that's not like the others. I think I've officially entered an alternate universe. Maybe we flew through a worm hole on the way here or something.
"What?" Emmett asks and I just shake my head and smile.
"Nothing, Big Bird. Except that you're adorable," I tease. He rolls his eyes and throws a block at me. I dodge the throw but Vanessa copies her dad and Emmett scolds her.
"If I'm Big Bird, that makes you Oscar the Grouch, you know?" Emmett says and I shrug.
"That's cool, Oscar's badass." Emmett tosses another block. This time I catch it and he's surprised, just as the phone rings. Emmett gets up to answer and Vanessa comes over and hands me a block.
"Block," she says clear as day.
"Thank you, Miss Vanessa," I say and she crawls into my lap. Her curly hair tickles my nose and I breathe her in.
"It's for you," Emmett says and hands me the cordless phone. It must be my dad. I forgot to call him and he's going to give me a guilt trip.
"Hello?" I ask into the receiver.
"Bella! Are you here?" It's Edward and it's a bad connection. He might be driving or something.
"Edward? I can barely hear you," I say and plug my ear.
"I have class till late. I'll be over after school. Stay up for me?" he asks and my heart flutters.
"Of course," I say and he laughs.
"Okay, good. I can't wait to see you." And then he's gone.
I hang up and feel the heat burn in my cheeks as I look at the phone in my hands.
"Quit molesting my phone," Emmett says and I toss it aside. "Look at you, all twitterpated and shit."
"Shit!" Vanessa shouts and Emmett grabs her.
"No! That's yucky," he says. "Yucky word."
"Shit!" Vanessa shouts again and then giggles. Charlotte copies and soon there's three foul mouthed toddlers running circles around the room just as Rose is walking in the front door. She's wearing a long beige wool coat and a black pants suit with heels. She looks very much like a lawyer, the shift drastic from the swimsuit and shorts I usually see her in.
"Momma!" Vanessa shouts and wraps around her mother's legs. Rose bends down to scoop her up. They share a cuddle and a kiss. Then Rose is hugging me and she smells like flowers.
"Hey Bella! You made it!" Rose holds Vanessa on her hip and they look very similar. Same blue eyes, same porcelain skin. "Alice is on her way over. She'll be here in like ten minutes."
Alice and Jasper drive up in an old clunky hunk of metal and I'm stunned when I see the car. I expected something small and sporty, like a Porsche or something but leave it to them to surprise me. Jasper calls it the "Cuda" and says it's a classic and all I can think of is that Heart song that's now stuck in my head.
"Bella!" Alice squeals when she sees me. "You're gonna love it here. You're not going to want to go home."
We drop Vanessa off at Esme's apartment and it's bittersweet to see her. She looks good. She hugs me tight and tears well in her eyes before she lets me go. We go out to dinner at this really nice restaurant in the city and I'm lucky I bought a heavy down coat because night time in Seattle is far colder than the day. We have wine with dinner and I order pasta and we catch up on all the stuff we've missed in the time apart. I haven't seen Alice in forever and I miss her. I miss her so much I want to fold this moment up and put it in my pocket.
Seattle seethes with life. The sky darkens early, the streets buzz and the skyscrapers soar and there are lights everywhere. The air smells like salt and pine and exhaust fumes and I fill my lungs. Seattle is such a contradiction, the tall Evergreens and sharp peaks of the many mountain ranges jut out of the cottony clouds and the brine of the Sound envelopes the man-made concrete towers and floating bridges, binding the natural and manufactured into one.
I breathe and it's icy, and I pull my hood over my ears. My skin is spiked, the intensity of the cold a drastic change to the warmth I'm surrounded by at home, but I like the change. I feel refreshed, new, the cool air in my lungs almost hurts but I breathe it in. I like the way it feels to breathe here.
By the time we get back to Emmett's, I'm exhausted from traveling but I force myself not to crash. It's just before ten when Edward gently raps on the door. I'm already in my pajamas, lounging on my makeshift bed on the couch and watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
I open the door and Edward pulls me into a tight hug on the porch. He's wearing a thick wool coat and a beanie and gloves and I freeze in only my pajamas. He smells nice, like cologne and aftershave and I let him wrap me up in his wool and nice smells. I can feel the damp cold seeping in through my socks and I breathe in heated rasps that vaporize in the frosty air. Edward's hands are clutching the back of my pajama top and he kisses my forehead before my teeth start chattering.
"Oh shit! I'm sorry!" Edward says as he pushes me inside and shuts the door behind him. He pulls the beanie from his head and smoothes his hair as he smiles. I plop back down on the couch, a blanket pulled around my legs while he takes off his coat. He's wearing a long-sleeved collared shirt tucked into Dockers and he sits down next to me on the couch, and his smile never falters.
"Nice jammies," he says and ruffles my hair and I push his hand out of the way.
"Shut up. This is my one chance to wear warm pajamas and I'm going all out," I respond and his knee rests against my thigh.
"Do they have a flap in the butt?" he asks.
"Of course, they do. I don't mess around," I smirk and Edward pulls at the side of my bottoms.
"Let me see the flap. Show me your butt," Edward says and my ears are on fire.
"I will not show you my butt or any rumored flap," I say indignantly. "I'm going to tell your girlfriend you said that."
"Oh really?" Edward says and yeah, I'm fishing. Pathetically and purely out of curiosity, of course.
Yeah, of course.
"Am I going to get to meet her?" I ask and his smile can't be contained. He sees right through me.
"I don't think that will be possible. Seeing as how I am no longer in possession of said girlfriend."
Fluttering in my chest and tingles on my scalp and I feel bold.
"So, you're alone then?" I ask and his gaze burns.
"Nope," he says quietly and he pushes my hair behind my ear. His touch lingers. "I'm here with you." And my face flushes.
"What are you watching?" Edward leans into the couch, his hip against mine and I ease into the closeness.
"Buffy," I answer and he rolls his eyes. "What? Buffy is awesome. She's protecting the world against the dark evils of the supernatural. What could be more important than that?"
"Come on, isn't NYPD Blue on right now?" Edward tries to swipe at the remote control on the seat beside me but I get to it first.
"If I'm going to watch blood and guts, it's going to be fake vampire blood and guts," I say. He makes a swipe at the controller again and it's odd to see him act so juvenile in his grown-up clothes. "Stop it! You cannot have the control."
"Oh, I know. I realized that a long time ago," he chuckles. For a minute I think he done trying but when I least expect it, he grabs my wrist and snags the controller and I scoff.
"Let it be known, Bella. I'm not a quitter."
Over the next week, I adjust to their busy schedules. Alice works in a deli close to Edward's apartment right in the heart of downtown and Jasper works in one of the tall buildings. Rose leaves early and gets home just before dark and I spend the days with Emmett and Vanessa. We go to the park and the zoo and the aquarium and I snap pictures of everything with my camera. The weather clears up by Wednesday and the sky is bright. The air is crisp and not nearly as cold without the wind. I photograph the typical tourist stuff, like the Space Needle and the troll sculpture under the Aurora Bridge. I photograph the tall mirrored buildings and street performers. I photograph Vanessa the most, desperate to capture every beautiful or sassy or funny moment. I see Edward when he's not at school and he takes me out in the city. We have drinks at jazz bars and coffee in bookstores and they feel like dates. We go to the big outdoor farmer's market, the one where they throw the fish, and we hold hands and talk, and he kisses my forehead when we say goodnight.
I feel it, the spark. It's there, just like always, and I think he feels it to. We're different now, our relationship is different, no longer a sparked flame but more like a hot smolder. Hot coals smothered under earth and I feel like all we need to do is brush that dirt aside.
Edward shows me his apartment that he still shares with Mike Newton. Mike is taller now, and wears his hair short. He's a sports agent or something, like Jerry Maguire, and he represents a lot of players from the Seattle Supersonics. He gives us tickets to see them play the Chicago Bulls. Edward and I go shopping and I buy a Michael Jordan jersey. He wears his Championship t-shirt and we get hassled by the Sonics fans that surround us in the stands. Edward lets me buy him beer and hot dogs and we share and ice cream sandwich. He explains about the players and stats, voicing the details in my ear because it's really loud in here. He boos the refs when they make shitty calls and stands up and shouts at impressive dunks and lay-ups. By the last quarter we're on our feet because the game is tied. The Sonics pull it out and win by one and Edward pouts but I've had so much fun, it doesn't even matter that the Bulls lost.
I stay at Edward's that night. He puts on Forrest Gump, I think it's his favorite movie, and I curl up into his side while he plays with my hair. I fall asleep and he lays me in his bed. When I wake up, he's asleep on the couch and I'm disappointed.
"You didn't have to sleep on the couch, you know," I say when he's finally awake. I make coffee in his kitchen wearing my jersey and sweats and he watches me from the couch. His hair is a tangled mess, his face red and creased from sleeping and he stares at me dazed.
"I didn't want to…I don't know. I just don't want to assume anything. Or impose. I just thought you might want space," he rubs his eyes and scratches his chin and I bring him coffee. I like my coffee sweet and creamy and Edward drinks his coffee black, which I didn't know before this week.
I sit cross legged next to him on the couch. His eyes hold mine as he sips. We should talk about what's been happening this week. Fitting into Edward's life here is surprisingly easy. I mean, I know his life isn't like this all the time. I know there are times he's busy or stressed, but being in Edward's apartment feels natural, like I've been here all along. This is Edward's real life and I fit in here.
"I don't want space, Edward. I kinda just want you," I say confidently and I sip my coffee, my eyes on him the whole time.
"You've kinda always had me," he responds.
"Just kinda?" I tease and he smirks.
"Barely. Like by the skin of your teeth."
"That's a horrible saying, 'by the skin of your teeth.' Makes me sound like a cannibal or something." I'm rambling because I'm nervous. It's just Edward, you idiot.
But he's kinda everything.
Maybe it's the realization that I can fit somewhere other than the marina, or the possibility that Edward and I can have something other than friendship again that fuels my actions. I want to be close to him. I lean over and gently kiss his lips, and it feels familiar but new. Different. It's a possibility. It's hesitant and hopeful and I know he's not expecting it. It's a first kiss. Again.
He runs his fingers down my spine and I enjoy the tingles. I kiss him again, deeper this time. I pull his lip into my mouth and his tongue moves with mine. It's a good thing I'm still holding my coffee. Because nothing says 'you're moving too fast' like a cup of scalding hot coffee in your lap.
Moving too fast? It's been sixteen years since Edward Cullen first snapped my bathing suit strap. Still, I feel as clueless about how to handle the situation as I did when I was eleven.
Edward pulls away and his eyes shine, his lips curled into a cocky grin and he doesn't even need to say a word. I know what he's thinking. See how well you fit here, I told you we could make this work, you love me.
And I do. I really, truly do.
Rose and Alice cook a huge feast for Thanksgiving and Esme and Dr. Cullen spend the holiday with us. Dr. Cullen makes me call him Carlisle and it is the weirdest thing in the world. The meal is awkward. Esme and Carlisle make small talk but you can tell their relationship is tense. They're on their best behavior, simply because of their children.
Emmett and I call my dad, and Vanessa talks to him, too. I can hear he's a little choked up. He has to go because he's heading over to Leah and Jenk's place in an hour and still needs to get ready. We drink wine and eat pumpkin pie and Rose even bought me ice cream. I eat the creamy treat and I give bites to my niece when Rose isn't looking. Rose is big on organic foods and doesn't have one damn piece of candy in her house. I don't know how she survives PMS.
The next day, Edward takes me to Alki beach and I walk in the sand. It's different from the sand at the river. Most of the coves at the river are hard, packed earth, or are covered in rocks. The sandiest coves are silty and claylike. This sand is soft and cold and I take my shoes off. I know my toes will freeze but I have to put my feet in the water. We look at shells and rocks and I inhale the salty air and fill the pockets of my white down coat.
Edward finds a spiraling shell and we stand together and study the arc. He tells me how it's all math, how there's an equation to explain the curves but all I see is the fact the circle just keeps getting bigger and bigger and further away from the center. That's what my life feels like, a curve dancing on the edge and too far from the heart. I want to get back there, to the heart. I think I know the way now.
The night before I leave, Edward stays with me at my brother's house. I feel vacant and sad as we watch some alien movie that my brother rented from Blockbuster and even the gummi worms that Edward brought over are only mildly helping. We're stretched out on top of a thick comforter and I wear my sweatpants and Bulls jersey to sleep every night now. Edward wasn't planning on sleeping over but since it's well into the early hours of the morning, he decided to stay and ride along to the airport in the morning.
"So did you have fun this week? Did you like the city?" Edward says. He passes me the bag of gummi worms as we watch Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones fight this huge cockroach alien thing. I dig through the bag, searching for the red and white worms because they're my favorite. "Stop it! You can't pick out the good ones."
I roll my eyes and pass the bag back to him. We're on our stomachs, and I nudge his elbow with mine and thwart his efforts to kick my butt with his heel.
"I love Seattle. I love the way it smells, I love the sounds, the people, I just love it," I say.
"Like, you love it so much, you'll come back?"
"Yeah, definitely. I'm definitely coming back." And he gives me a cocky smile.
"I knew you'd love it here. See? You should have listened to me years ago. Think of all the Seattle you've been missing."
God, think of all the life I've been missing. His words are so true. I've been missing out, all because I was afraid.
Was being the operative word there. I'm not afraid anymore.
"Do you still love me?" I blurt out the words and I don't know what I'm doing. Okay, maybe I'm a little afraid. I twirl the gummi worm around my finger. "I mean, do you think that maybe we could, I don't know, try again or something. I just feel like maybe we met at the wrong time and…I don't know everything's different now and I'm different and...Like, if we would have met yesterday, would you still like me?"
Edward lays his head flat on his crossed arms and looks at me with his glowing green eyes and he's thinking. He stares and I'm afraid of what is running around in his head, but I need to hear it. So I wait.
"I think I've known these different versions of you. I've known you snotty and stubborn and naïve and scared. I've known you bold and sexy and hopeful and funny. And now, here you are, a conglomeration of all the girls I've loved, all the girls I've lived for but it's always just been you, Bella. And you've always just been everything to me." My hair stands on end as he speaks, his voice quiet, his face inches from mine.
"You didn't really answer the question," I whisper.
"Yes, Bella," he says with a smile. "Yes, I would still like you. I'd annoy you incessantly until you gave me your number and then I'd wait the mandatory five days to call. I'd ask you out and you'd say no because I made you wait, so then I'd charm you into ice cream or something and it'd work because you can't say no to ice cream. And, well, once you spent any decent amount of time with me, you'd be smitten."
"Oh really," I roll over onto my side to face him and prop my head up with my arm.
"Yep," he pushes my hair from my face and then he's tracing the lines of my hand and wrist. "And you'd roll your eyes half a dozen times but I'd keep saying cheesy stuff just to see you do it, to see you blush or to see you smile. I'd walk you home and I'd hold your hand and I'd try to kiss you. You would let me, too. Because you'd feel it. That little hum of electricity that's always buzzing when we're together, like neon lights. Do you feel ever feel it? It's like, I don't know, static."
"A spark," I whisper and Edward nods.
"We're supposed to be together. We match, you know, like complimentary colors. Like red and green. I don't know why it works, but it just does. You're the peanut butter to my jelly. The peas to my carrots. You're my Jenn-y." He says in his best Forrest Gump impression. I laugh and kiss him because his words are so sweet and so true and it's how I feel too.
"Walk on my back," he says suddenly.
"But then I'll have to get up." I lay my head on my pillow and he bends his head to mine and kisses my cheek and then my nose and then my lips.
"Please?" he asks and I have to admit, he's very persuasive.
"Alright, fine." Edward lies flat while I try to balance on his back. He groans and I step off, thinking I hurt him and he looks back at me.
"What's the matter?" He looks puzzled.
"Didn't I hurt you?" I ask.
"No! More. It feels amazing," he says as he lies flat again and then motions to his back with his hand. I smile and step on again. I feel the muscles rolling beneath my toes and I try to move my feet but my balance really sucks. I fall back onto Edward's head, my butt crashing into his noggin and he gives a yelp.
"I'm so sorry!" I scramble to make sure he's okay, my hands wrapping around the back of his head as he rolls over onto his back. He's laughing, his hands holding his neck and I'm crouched beside him. My hands move through his hair and I relax because he's obviously not hurt. He pulls me on top of him and I straddle his lap, my heart thudding against my ribs.
Edward reaches up and pulls my lips down to his, his tongue in my mouth, his hands running over my back and through my hair. I can't control my hips and I writhe against him and he moans into my mouth. I pull away and I'm breathing and I can feel him breathing beneath me. His fingers dig into my hips and my hands are on his shoulders. It takes all my willpower not to shed my clothing. This is the most physical we've been all week and it's just a kiss, but it's new and exciting.
Edward's hands glide over my thighs and skim across my behind. He runs them under my shirt and up my back, his fingers tickling my skin. I lay my head against his chest, feeling him breathe. He's slowing things down and I'm relieved. I listen to his heart and feel the rise and fall of his chest as his fingers draw patterns.
"Do me a favor, Bella?" I nuzzle into his neck, pressing my lips into his skin. "Don't go on any more dates, okay?"
"Are you asking me to go steady?" I tease and Edward turns his head to catch my lips and all I feel are tingles.
"Yeah, I think I am," he says.
"Are you going to give me your pin? Do you want me to be your girl?" I say and Edward smirks.
"You've always been my girl, you just didn't know it yet." He's such a cocky ass.
"I will neither confirm or deny that claim," I say indignantly and he kisses my lips again.
"I don't want you to be with anyone else. Bella, will you be my obligation?" He's teasing but I know what he means.
"Only if you'll be mine," I say quietly and his face is serious now.
"Deal," he whispers and we kiss and touch and talk and feel each other until the morning sun is streaming in through the window. I don't get a lick of sleep but I don't care. I have to pack my bag and leave him.
Edward rides with us to the airport and walks me to the gate with Emmett, Rose and Vanessa. We wait for my turn to board as silent tears fall down my cheeks. Edward's arm is around my shoulders, and Vanessa swings between Emmett and I. They call my row, and I kiss my niece, squeezing her tight, and my brother wraps his arms around us.
"Bye Sis," he says and holds me for a long time. Rose kisses my cheek and hugs me tight. Edward lifts me off the floor, kissing me deeply. It's desperate and sad and I feel this kiss all the way to my dangling toes.
"I love you," he whispers in my ear. I sob into his shoulder before I detach and make my feet walk me to the gate. That fricking song about leaving on a jet plane is running through my head now and I don't look back, not even once, because I'm afraid I won't have the strength to walk away again. Today, I have to walk away.
…
"Yeah, that's great news!" I say into the phone, trying not to act like a complete tool. Breathe, Bella. Jesus.
"I know this isn't exactly what you were hoping for, but I think it's going to lead to things. It's a great start and you're very talented. You just need a little more experience under your belt." Riley Biers is the agent that Jenks found for me and, up until this point, I thought he was a blood sucking leech. But today? Today I love his guts because Riley just told me that my book has been accepted for publication. Well, not the exact book that I wanted published, but some variation of it.
"No, it's great. I'm really excited about this," I say and can't wait to get off the phone so I can run to the office and tell Leah and my dad. God, my hands won't stop shaking!
Riley tells me a bunch of other stuff I should probably be paying attention to, but I can't focus. I scribble down the date and time they want to meet with me to discuss details and then I hang up the phone and I'm out the door. The air is already thick and it's only April. I can tell this summer is going to be a scorcher.
I hurry to the office, my feet light and swift on the gravel drive. It's dark and cool when I enter the room and Leah and my dad hover over the computer screen, deep in conversation. They look up as I walk through the door.
"Hey there, Bells," my dad says as he walks over to give me a kiss on the cheek.
"So, I got a call from Riley," I say and my dad's mustache twitches. "They want to publish the pictures in a guide book for Vegas."
"Is this a good thing?" Leah asks.
"Well, it isn't exactly what I wanted, but it's a start, right? I mean, I've been taking pictures for the magazine for like eight months now and, I don't know, I'm kinda sick of photographing dead fish and boat propellers." Leah grins.
"Well, I think it's perfect," my dad says and his voice is raspy. "I'm proud of you, kid."
I smile as my dad's small eyes twinkle and I feel proud of me, too.
"They're only going to use the landscapes. No people, no faces," I frown. Edward will be disappointed. When I told him I sent a copy of our book to a publisher, he was really excited and when I call to tell him the news, he hollers into the phone.
"See? I told you! You are so moded, dude!"
"Did you just call me dude?" I laugh.
"Yeah, well, you're so moded, my lady lacks effectiveness."
"You're right, that doesn't strike me as smug at all." And there's a long pause.
"So, I have some bad news. My dad has to sell our unit at the marina, because of the divorce settlement."
"What?" I feel my stomach twist and I feel sick.
"We're still coming this summer, like one last hurrah and then he's putting it up for sale at the end of the season."
I'm speechless. I guess I've kind of taken it for granted that the Cullens would always be here. It's like the end of an era, or something. It throws my whole reality off kilter and I don't know how to react. We've had permanent Pay Checks before, and it's all part of the cycle, the coming and going. It's like a carousel. Every time it comes around, you look for that one beautiful horse that stands out above the rest. But now, it's not coming around anymore.
Edward calls me from the road. He gives me status updates and I'm waiting at their unit when they pull in. I'm anxious to see them and I just have this anxiety, like I'll never see them again. I know this is ridiculous, I can go to Seattle and they can come visit. I have to remind myself of this fact over and over. They will visit. They will come to the river because they want to see me, not because they're on vacation and I just happen to be here. It's a tough concept to grasp.
The sleek silver Mercedes is followed by my brother's red minivan and, the moment they're out of the car, Vanessa runs into my arms. She remembers me! Emmett also brings his two big dogs and they wear these cute little shoes to protect their feet from the hot gravel. Watching them try to walk around is hilarious.
Edward waits patiently until I put down my niece. There's no hesitancy, no awkwardness as he pulls me into his chest and I weep into the soft cotton of his white polo shirt. He's here and I can't control my emotions. I'm a messy mixture of relief and elation.
"What's wrong? What's the matter?" Edward asks into my ear and I hide in his shirt.
"Nothing. I'm just happy to see you," I mumble and he kisses my cheek and his arms wrap me up.
We walk down to our swings and I sit but he doesn't.
"What?" I ask and he just shrugs and moves behind me. He grabs the chains, pulls me back, and kisses my cheek before he lets go, sending me flying through the air. He makes sure I go the highest.
"My dad's looking for a partner. He can't run the marina on his own anymore so he's going to sell off a portion of it. He's had offers, but he's picky." My swing slows as he gently pushes. "They wanted to tear down this swing set and put up a playground, which is ridiculous because who's going to use a slide when it's 120 degrees out? Honestly, it's a lawsuit waiting to happen."
"He's selling the marina?" Edward asks and he holds my swing and I turn my head and kiss his cheek, because I can.
"No, he's looking for help. He's old. He can't do it anymore, but this is all he's ever known. This is his livelihood and he can't just let it go, you know?"
Edward lets my swing go and I fly again.
"So what do you think about this?" he asks.
"I kind of hate it. I hate someone squirming in on our place, you know? I just feel like they're going to want to change things, like the swings or the store. What if they fire people, what if they fire Leah? What if it's not the same place anymore? I'm just scared, I guess. These people that he's been meeting with, they don't know anything about the river. They're completely clueless as to what they're getting themselves into and they think they know everything just because they have a ton of money. They're suits, nothing more."
"What if the suit was someone you knew? Like my dad?" Edward asks and I frown.
"You're dad doesn't have time to run the marina, Edward. I mean, don't get me wrong. It would be ideal, but we need someone here all the time." I wish it could be Edward, but I know he's obligated himself in Seattle. He's almost finished with school, he has to finish his dissertation and then he has his Final Examination and he's done. He's not going to give all that up now, no matter how much he loves me, and he shouldn't.
"It's true, he doesn't have time. He's really wrapped up in his life in Seattle, but maybe he could just fund it and then you guys can hire people that you trust to help out with the manual labor?"
"My dad wants to retire. He needs a partner, someone who's not only financially invested, but someone who cares about the business."
"I wish it could be me. If I had the money, I'd do it in a heartbeat." Edward catches my swing and kisses my neck, just because he can and I smile.
"I know," I say, and I believe him.
We go to Home Cove again for the Fourth. My dad and Carlisle talk about sports and fishing while we lounge in the sun. Leah and Jenks bring out one of the WaveRunners and Edward and I take a ride up to the dam. I let him drive, and I rest my head on the back of his shoulder as we race along the water. Edward likes to go fast and I clutch his vest, my eyes closed, as the spray cools my scorched skin.
We have sandwiches for lunch and we watch the dogs play in the water. We hike up to find our rock initials and see if they're embedded into the earth yet. We find them stuck in the hardened clay and Edward kisses me, a deep, passionate kiss that makes me dizzy on top of the hill. Vanessa and I look for shells and build sandcastles while she talks my legs off. She's very verbal for an almost three year old.
After lunch, Alice wants to go for a ski ride so we file into my dad's boat. Jenks brought his wakeboard and they all give it a try. Edward does the best and gets up on the first run, but has difficulty turning his feet to get the board into the proper position. He eats it a couple times before he gets the hang of it and I steer the boat to create some extra wake for him before he gets too cocky. He kisses me when he climbs out of the water, then tickles my sides and calls me a jerk because he knows I did it on purpose.
Leah, Jenks, Alice and Jasper all try the wakeboard, but I pull out the wooden skis. They're my favorite. Edward drives the boat and I glide easily along the water. I see Edward maneuvering the boat to make the ride more difficult. Silly boy, doesn't he know by now? The river is part of my very being. The water moves with me and my body reacts to the changes in the wake all on its own. I climb out of the water and he's waiting at the helm while Alice holds the flag. He looks impressed.
"Alright, fine, you win," he says and I grin.
"Nope, not a competition." I kiss his lips and wrap my arms around him and he groans because now he's sopping wet again.
It's not a competition anymore. We should be a team, a unit, working together and using our strengths to offset each other's weaknesses. I know this is just playful teasing but it's true, it's not me versus Edward. It's me and Edward versus any other shit the universe wants to throw at us. Together, we can handle anything. We will triumph, always, because together we're pretty badass.
After dinner, Carlisle and my dad take Vanessa and the dogs back to the house so Emmett and Rose can stay out late with us. We drink beer and smoke and talk about the stupidest shit, out in the darkness of the desert.
"Alright, best sci-fi movie ever made. Go," Emmett starts.
"It depends, does sci-fi include zombies?" Jasper asks. I sit between Edward's legs on a towel and his fingers trace the outline of my tattoo. He kisses my shoulder or my neck or my hand every so often, and I cover his foot with sand.
"No way, zombies are supernatural, not science fiction," Emmett answers and Edward interjects.
"What if the person is made zombie by some kind of biological infection? Then that would definitely be science fiction."
"Yeah, and if we're including aliens in this genre, then we have to include zombies," Jasper says.
"Fuck that! If we include zombies, then we have to allow vampires and werewolves and that is not gonna fly," Emmett says.
They finally just decide to make the genre horror and then all pick Exorcist, anyway, making the whole conversation completely unnecessary.
Emmett blasts Journey and Styx from the stereo on the boat and we sing and play air guitar and laugh our asses off. Edward and Jasper take turns catapulting us into the water, and Edward cops a feel more than twice, making me feel like I'm seventeen again. I sit on his shoulders, challenging Emmett and Rose to a chicken fight. We lose because, well, Emmett's a lot stronger than Edward and Rose has an intimidating bitch face. We're acting like idiots and we don't care because it feels like it's the last time we'll be able to do this.
Finally, Emmett says it's time to head in and Edward and I spread out along the bench. His thigh rests against my calf and he massages my feet, his thumb pressing into the arch. I lean my head against the back of the seat and watch him. His face looks so beautiful in the moonlight, eyes shining, and I wish I had my camera right now to capture the look on his face. He's happy, and serene and gorgeous and I feel good knowing that maybe has a little bit to do with me.
I lead him through the dark house, into my bedroom, and he sits awkwardly on my bed. I'm pretty sure Edward's waiting for me to make a move or something. A long time ago, this would have made me insecure but now I just want to show him how much I've missed him. I want to show him how much I love him, even after all this time has passed. I want him.
And a wise woman once said if you want something, you should go out there and get it.
I slide my shorts down my legs and strip off my tank as Edward watches and he looks surprised. I grin and I pull a t-shirt and my sleep shorts from my drawer. I start to pull the strings of my swim suit top but stop when he stands suddenly.
He moves behind me, brushing the hair off my neck, and kisses my shoulder as he slowly pulls the ties at my back. The bikini top falls loose as he gently massages my breasts, and I pull it away completely. His hands move over my belly and my hips, and he slides the bottoms down my legs, and I'm naked. I'm nervous, my heart pounding in my throat. He's seen me naked before. It shouldn't be such a big deal, but everything feels so new. His hands are everywhere and his lips kiss everywhere they can reach, and I'm trying to not pant too loudly because this house is full of people.
I gently nudge him back to my bed. He tickles my sides and I giggle as I untie his boardshorts, then we both cringe as I rip the velcro free, the sound amplified a billion times in the silence of the house. His hands skim over my behind and I push the shorts from his hips. I feel him hard against my belly as he holds me and we just stand there, naked and holding each other, Edward's body so warm against mine. My lips graze over his chest and neck and I can still smell the sunblock on his skin. There's sweat and river water and dirt and he smells like everything that I love about this place.
I run my hands over his length and he kisses my neck. He moves me to the bed and gently pushes me onto the familiar mattress. My bed creaks and he stops, his eyes questioning.
"Music," I say and he moves to press play on my CD player. I grin because he's naked and his butt is adorable, with these perfect little indentions in his cheeks. Everything is different now, but everything's the same. It's still just Edward and it's still us, sharing under the veil of soft music.
He crawls on top of me and smirks. I think he likes being on top of me naked, and I smile, too. His hands explore and I close my eyes, his fingers caressing and grasping and pulling and pushing and nothing feels like Edward. I wonder if I feel this way to him, if my touches are as magnified, if I make him feel this good. I open my eyes to see his green and I ask him.
"What do you feel?" I whisper. My hands wrap around him and the green disappears and all I see are feathered lashes.
"I feel my heart beating in my chest, like I can't breathe," he says and he positions himself against me as I make room for him between my legs.
"I feel nervous, but excited. I'm scared that it'll be different." He kisses my lips, neck and breasts, and my hands run across his perfect little behind.
"I feel like I'm right where I'm supposed to be." He holds my face in his hands, his thumb grazing my cheek as he pushes inside me, and I gasp and hold my breath.
"I feel love," he whispers and tears fill my eyes.
"I feel it too," I murmur before his lips are consuming mine. It's so much more than the tingling beneath my skin or the unraveling of pressure that's pulsing in my belly as Edward moves inside me. It's everything. It's real. It's full of beauty and love, like chocolate cake made from scratch or the smell of the earth right after it storms.
Edward and I move together, my legs twining around his. His fingers trail across my lips and I kiss each one of them. Our movements become more hurried and frantic and I can hardly feel my body anymore, just sensitive sparks in my thighs and belly. I'm blinded by bliss as I fall apart beneath him. I feel the tears spill onto my cheeks, and my head spins. Edward's shaking in my arms and I'm grasping onto him for dear life, unwilling to let go.
"Bella? What's wrong?" he whispers. I shake my head, damn tears just pouring from my face, and I feel like an idiot.
"Nothing's wrong. It's just, you're right. We balance, we're so right together. This, the way you make me feel, it's just beautiful. You're beautiful. I feel like I don't tell you enough, how much I love you, how much I want you and I'm sorry. It's just not me, you know? To be so… verbal with how I feel. But it's there, every minute of every day, I feel it." I need to explain to him how much I love him, how much I've always loved him, even when it was killing me to do so.
"Silly girl, I know exactly who you are," he says, and kisses my nose and my cheek and my neck as he collapses on top of me. "You're my Bella."
The next month passes in a flash. We spend the days doing asinine shit, like racing the carts or WaveRunners with Alice and Jasper. We go to movies, and even drive into Vegas so Edward can have an In and Out burger, animal style. We go out on the cove and I try to teach Vanessa how to swim but she just clings to me when I take off her life vest. We go for night rides and hike, and Edward and his dad go fishing. It's just a really fun summer, like maybe the best summer I've had on the marina.
Edward sleeps in my bed every night, and we sleep in until we can't stand the sun streaming through the windows anymore. My dad's usually gone to the office by the time we wake up but, on a few occasions, we all have breakfast together. My dad is surprisingly understanding. I don't know, maybe he thought I'd never get married and now -
Whoa. Did I just think married?
Oh shit, Bella, put yourself in check.
Edward still has to finish school. He's going to leave at the end of the summer, just like always. He loves me, I know he does, but love and marriage are two vastly different things. I shouldn't assume that just because Edward loves me, he'd be willing to spend forever with me.
Although, I know I want him forever. I want to marry Edward Cullen and have his little red haired babies.
Oh my God, what am I doing? Now there's babies? I am in deep shit, really - emotionally invested, plans for the future, want a ring - deep shit. I have got to relax.
Before Edward leaves, I'm in the Laundromat and he slips in the door looking very mischievous. He's also not wearing a shirt and I lick my lips at the sight of his muscled stomach.
"What?" I ask and he presses me up against the agitating washer. His hands slip beneath the hem of my t-shirt and his arms fold around my waist.
"Nothing," he says nonchalantly and pushes his hips into mine. He runs his hands over my back and down my sides and I laugh, because it tickles.
"Could you stop laughing at me? I'm trying to be irresistible here," he murmurs against my mouth and his breath is hot in the muggy room. His hands move up under my shirt and over my belly. He palms my breasts and rolls his fingers over the tightened flesh. I gasp, my fingers pulling at the belt loops of his cargo shorts. I think Edward likes it when I don't wear a bra.
"Yeah, I think irresistible is-," before I can finish his lips are on mine, and he's pressing me against the dryers.
"I've always wanted to do you in here," he purrs into my neck. His hands are unbuttoning my shorts and I gasp because he's serious.
"Edward! What if someone-"
"Who does laundry at ten o'clock at night? Just us," he murmurs and I inhale sharply as he pushes his fingers inside me.
"Fuck," I gasp and I think profanity turns Edward on because now his eyes are blazing into mine. I let him fuck me right there in the Laundromat. From behind, even. His arms wrap around my belly and chest as he pulls me into him and it's sweaty and frantic and completely amazing, like earth-shattering orgasmic bliss that turns my legs into jello and makes my ears ring.
Edward helps me haul the laundry to the golf cart. I can't stop grinning at him as we drive back to my house to drop it off. He wants to walk down to the water because it's miserably hot and it's always cooler by the water, so I grab the quilt off my bed and my dad's big flashlight. We hike over the hill and down to the water where it's kind of secluded, and we lay on the blanket, I fit easily beside him and we lose ourselves in the billions of stars. I don't know the names of the multitude of constellations visible in the swirling black but I can see Orion's belt and the wide band of stars that make up the Milky Way. The air is thick and humid and I can smell the storm coming, like wet grass or early morning dew.
I roll onto my stomach and rest against his chest, my fingers gently pulling at the hair there and he pushes my hair out of my face.
"So, I'm going to UNLV in the fall," I say and Edward smiles and puts his hands behind his head. "Leah's going back to school too. She only needs one more year and we figured we could be the oldest people at the school together."
"There will be people there older than you, I promise."
"I know, but I still feel weird. It's something I really want to do, though. Plus, having a degree with an emphasis in Photography will help me land jobs and maybe even lead to getting a book published, one that's just my work, you know?"
"I do. I think it's a great idea." My heart is pulsing because of what I'm going to say next.
"Edward," I start. He looks at me curiously and my mouth feels like cotton. He said all I had to do was ask, and he'll probably say no, but I need to make the effort, just in case there's a chance. I need to show him how much I want him, how much I can't stand the thought of being without him. I take a deep breath and I notice his nose is peeling and it's all the motivation I need.
"You should stay here. With me. For good," I say in a rush and his eyes are burning. "I mean, I know you have to finish school and I know you love Seattle, but I don't want you to leave. I don't want to be apart from you anymore." The tears slide down my cheeks but I pretend they're not there.
He brings his fingers to wipe my face and I clutch his fingers to my lips.
"I applied for a position as an assistant at the University. I'm going to take it. It's a great opportunity and I'll be able to finish up my doctorate while working. I'm so close, Bella," he says and I know it hurts him to form the words. I nod and close my eyes and it stings. I totally expected this, but the let down still stings.
"I'll fly down between semesters. And I'll come for Thanksgiving and Christmas and Spring Break. We can talk on the phone and the year will fly by and I promise I'll be back next summer. We can make this work." He sits up and clasps my hands in his, and I nod. I know this, I'm just anxious to start living my life, and I want that life to include him.
"Okay, I can handle that," I say.
"You can come to Seattle whenever you want. You just let me know and I'll buy you a ticket, okay?" he says and I roll my eyes.
"I can buy my own plane ticket, Edward. I have a job, you know," I say and he smirks.
"I don't care how it happens, just that it happens. You just get your sweet ass to Seattle."
"Deal," I say and it's done. We stay on the cove all night and I vent about the suits trying to take over my dad's marina. I understand it needs to be done, because my brother and I have both chosen different paths, but I feel a tremendous amount of guilt. If I would have just stuck it out here, my dad wouldn't have to be going through this. But Edward reassures me that I have nothing to feel guilty about, that I'm allowed to do what I want with my life. Doesn't make that guilt go away, though.
In the morning, Edward gives me a present, just like always. It's a brown leather bound day planner and I skim through it. He's penciled in all his vacations and included little notes. On Thanksgiving, it says Come to Seattle, bring catsuit. On Valentine's Day there's a big heart that says I love Edward and then right below it says try phone sex. My ears burn.
"I thought you'd need it for work, and you know, other stuff," he winks at me. I shove his chest and then kiss his lips, and he laughs.
Alice hugs me and kisses my cheek before her and Jasper climb into my brother's minivan. I make plans to visit in November again and, this time, I think I'll make my dad go, especially if he has help by then. He has a meeting with an investor that looks promising; some Pay Checks who have been coming to the river for years and are looking to make the marina their summer home. There's also this other couple from California who are interested. They have grown children that could help out too, I guess. My dad's hopeful but the thought of someone else being here and being in charge makes me sick.
Rose loads Vanessa into her car seat and I give her a bottle of shells to take home before I kiss my niece good bye. Emmett hugs me tightly and shakes my dad's hand. He loads the dogs and then they're pulling away down the gravel drive. Carlisle and Edward clean out their unit and arrange with my dad for it to be sold. Knowing that this place will no longer be Edward's makes me feel empty. A part of him will no longer be here, with no tangible guarantee he'll come back. But for the first time, I'm not worried. I'm sad when he kisses me good bye and I stand there crying, with my dad's arm around my shoulder as the sleek silver Mercedes disappears down the road.
"He'll be back, Bells," my dad says and I nod. "He loves you and he won't be able to stay away for too long."
"I know," I say softly and for the first time in my life, I feel like I really do.
…

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A/N:

Let's see...oh yeah, I love you. Madly. Like Jim Morrison madly. Thank you for reading. One more Chapter and then an Epilogue and that's all she wrote.

Special thanks to Souplover9 for help with all things Seattle. Love bb!

In the Closet Anon Slash Contest is accepting entries until September 1st.

SubtlePen is beta and Miztrezboo prereads. They're foxy ladies, like Ginger and Mary Anne. I'm Mrs. Howell but I like to be called Lovey.