A Constant in The Darkness

Chapter Ten - And she prayed aloud for love to waken in his face

Darlings,

And now through Edward's eyes...

This is a fricking long ass chapter so I had to include an equally long ass A/N, scroll down if you don't give a shit...

So, here come the thank you's and I'm feeling all gooey this week, so they might be gratuitous.

Readers, my dear readers, and all you new lovelies, thank you for kind words! It's like a warm chord, stay and play baby! (That's a little Joni reference for you, because we don't get much with EPOV)

Amers52, for your help with the psychological matter, thank you for your expertise!

Anechka86, over at the gazebo on LJ, thank you for rec'ing this fic and for offering me a place in you're community! And yeahyeah143, another LJ pal, your support is divine...

For one doosey of a rec, deary and quite possibly the best reviewer of all time, Starrynytex, I thank you so much and bow down to your inhumanly quick updates. You are a machine, my lady!

And of course, my choice for president and my partner in big mouthed bitchiness, beta goddess n7of9...you get lots of gratuitous love today bb, because I just saw vag liquification on your LJ. Let's just take over urban dictionary...and the country...and eventually the planet, all while wearing stilletos...

And my husband, who thinks it's weird that I think like a 17 year old boy...

I think I've forgotten this like the last two times I've posted: It's not muuhhnnn...(This is how Bill says Mine on True Blood, in case you're looking for a pronunciation)


EPOV

Fuck! I quickly brought my finger to my mouth, sucking the sanguine substance from the small fissure in the digit. I had neglected to sharpen my knife before slicing into the deep purple eggplant on the counter before me, causing the dull blade to slip on the waxy surface of the vegetable and nick my skin. There was way more blood than necessary spilling from the shallow wound and I quickly tried to stifle the flow. I grabbed a paper towel, wrapped my finger tightly and applied pressure to the cut, the red fluid seeping into the absorbency of the paper. Yeah, living with a doctor has its advantages - I've got excellent first aid skills. I ran upstairs to get a small band-aid from the medicine cabinet on the second floor.

I had woken up this morning reliving the last two days, my dick completely hard and fucking screaming for relief. Bella Swan had totally fucked me over. Normal porn wouldn't do anymore, not after seeing Bella come like that, not after seeing her riding my dick through my jeans in that fucking black tank top, her insistent hands pulling my mouth onto her breasts. That had to be one of the sexiest things I'd ever seen. These were the thoughts imaging through my mind as I found relief in self gratification, fucking jerking it in the shower to the memory of Bella on the roof.

As I got dressed I saw Bella's car keys on my dresser. Yeah, I swiped that shit from her nightstand this morning. Her truck was still parked in front of Newton's house and this bothered me tremendously, like he had some claim on her because her car graced his street. I wanted that truck on my street, in front of my house, demonstrating to the entire neighborhood that Bella belonged with me and not douchebag Mike Newton. When I had heard Carlisle tell Esme that he was going to check on Charlie, I knew it would be the perfect opportunity to surprise Bella with her truck. If it couldn't be parked in front of my house then it should at least be parked in front of hers.

I quickly fastened the sticky strip along the break in the skin and stopped at Alice's bedroom door to see if I could commission her vehicle operating services.

"Alice?" I asked as I approached her bedroom. She was lying on her stomach on her bed, a long white gauze skirt tucked around her legs and her large astrology book in front of her. She was furiously scribbling down something and looked fully engrossed in her writing.

I walked into her cluttered room. She had shit everywhere, books and papers covered in scrawled notes, big floppy hats and colorful scarves, woven scraps of silky material and numerous sewing patterns. I picked up one of the papers to read and Alice snatched it out of my hand.

"Not your business. What's up?" I looked at Alice as she hurried to pick up the remainder of the papers. Alice was hiding something.

"What are you doing?" I asked her suspiciously. I walked to sit on her bed, to see what she had been scribbling so furiously.

"Nothing," she said, shrugging her shoulders and messing with her midnight hair.

I snorted at her response. It was so blatantly obvious she was being secretive. Since Alice and I usually didn't have secrets, her stealthy attempt to divert attention from her activities caused me to become suspicious.

She tilted her head to the side and glared at me in response to my sardonic snort. "You have a lot of nerve, you know."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I was taken aback by her accusation. I couldn't place an incident that would warrant such irritability.

"You know what it means. Did you honestly think you could disappear for hours last night and nobody would notice?" Alice had her hands on her hips now, a smug satisfaction just glowing around her. Curse her natural inclination for tricky sapience! Not only had she diverted attention from her own secrecy but she exposed me for the hypocrite I was. Fuck.

I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to go into this right now but I knew Alice would berate me into giving her some details.

"Yes. I thought that is exactly what would happen," I told her, remembering that I needed a favor from her and should try not to piss her off too much.

"I know you were with Bella anyways. I mean, first you like her like cooking, then you make her crepes and then sneak out and don't return until the wee hours of the morning. You're obviously smitten with the girl." Alice grinned at me like a motherfucker, an all-knowing annoying as shit because she's always right motherfucker.

I didn't say anything, just stood there gaping at her, a look between detestable and incredulous brewing on my brow, I'm sure.

"It's okay, Edward, you're allowed to be happy. I know you don't think you deserve this or whatever. I know you're afraid of…that minute possibility…of what could happen, but have you ever thought that it could happen to me too? I mean, we sprang from the same DNA, I'm just as susceptible as you are." She sat down on the bed beside me now. I had thought of all of this, it's why I didn't want her smoking or drinking, but I hadn't ever really given much credence to it. Alice was full of life and vitality, energy pouring out of her very being. She has never shown any signs or symptoms whatsoever. She has always been a free soul, a positive life force that I can't fathom this disease snuffing out. But her words were absolutely true, despite my idealistic perceptions. This shit killed me. If anything ever happened to her…if she ever hurt someone else…it would destroy everyone, and destroy the last thread of hope that I had in this world.

"I know. It's so many levels of fucked up, Alice. I would never let anything…bad happen. As long as I'm able, I'll take care of things," I said, sitting on her bed. As long as I'm not completely fucking drowning in my own psychosis, that is.

"No, Edward, that's not what I'm trying to say. I'm not your responsibility. You can't spend your life worrying about this shit. Whatever is going to happen, will happen. Until then, I'm going to fucking live. I'm going to fall in love and I'm going to smoke if I want to and make mistakes and just fucking live, Edward. I want that for you too. It kills me to see you wasting your time on worry," Alice said, taking my hand and giving it a squeeze.

The worry was very much ingrained in my entire being now. I had been worrying for so long, long before I came to Forks when I was still living in that house with him, my father, constantly worrying if it would be a headache day. That's how my mother used to explain it to us. Dad had a "headache". This was code for 'lock yourself in your room'. He never had a chance to physically hurt me or Alice, my mother had been decent about his episodes, but he'd do shit, fucking weird-ass shit that I should have seen as off, that I should have investigated further. Even at ten years old I knew there was something bizarre about the way he dealt with his "headaches".

I was back in that room, sitting on my twin bed, the comforter covered in old war airplanes. It was July and the air sagged with humidity. It was almost bed time and I had a killer scenario playing out, the little green plastic soldiers lined up strategically along my bed. I was about to maneuver the troops in an offensive stride toward world domination when something slammed into my bedroom door. I could hear the yelling, my mother screaming her pleas, pathetically begging for him to stop. I jolted out of my fantasy and scrambled off the bed. The door knob moved violently, the screws whining in protest and scraping against the metal of the latch. Panic coursed through my veins, causing my hair to stand on end and my stomach to churn, the bile rising in my throat as I looked for somewhere to hide. I quickly slid underneath my bed, pulling off the comforter and using it to camouflage my hiding place.

I heard the splintering of wood, the latch cracking and groaning under the pressure. They were inside now, the pounding of their feet on the wooden floor, and every step reverberating in my body as I lay smothered and sweating under the bed. I heard muttering in a low voice, my father's voice, but I couldn't quite make out what he was saying, something about "devil's turning the boy". My mother's sobs were drowning him out and I could feel her light, frantic steps on the flooring desperately dancing around, trying to corral him out of the room, but it was no use. There was a thunderous crash and I felt the floor shudder beneath me, a variety of small items scattering across the wood and bouncing off the baseboards. I uncovered my face and could see an ocean of marbles casually rolling around, a glittering jade ball of glass turning black as it rolled towards my hiding spot and out of the sparkling sunlight.

My mother was calling my name, or his, I could never tell, but her constant cries of Edward, where are you? were appropriate either way. My father was gone, lost in his "headache", and she was desperately trying to call him back to her. I felt a soft thump on the boards beneath me, watching my mother's knees hit the floor from behind the dust ruffle, her full skirt ballooning around her as she collapsed into herself.

There was a sudden thud causing me to startle and slightly hit my head on the box spring above me. And then another. And another. The ripping of paper and the breaking of drywall collided with the muttering of words I didn't understand, my mother crumbled on the floor and just fucking waiting for him to finish, and me under that goddamn bed, suffocating in a comforter in the middle of July.

He had carved out half the fucking wall by the time he was finished. Then he curled up in my mom's lap fucking crying like a baby while she stroked his hair and kissed his head. He kissed her fingers and apologized while scrunching the material of her gauzy skirt to his face and sobbing in silent shudders. I had witnessed it all from underneath that bed.

Alice's hand squeezed mine, reminding me that I had a task to do and couldn't sit here all day reminiscing about the reasons why I'm so fucked. Alice was still pleading with me, holding my hand in a flowing gauze skirt, the similarities between her and my mother rich in recollection and a sick, torturous reminder of that evening spent hiding.

"I know, Alice." I pulled my hand away from her and stood up, stepping over piles of books and papers. "I'm trying. Bella's making it easier." I smiled, giving her an appeasing answer, something that I hoped would get her to shut up yet gave her the sense that she got everything that I was going to give.

"Don't try, Edward. Do it." Alice was being totally serious and I don't even think she knew she had just roughly quoted the best movie of all time.

"Sure thing, Master Yoda," I teased. She rolled her eyes, pulling at a thread on the comforter on her bed.

I cleared my throat, trying to think of a way to phrase this without Alice thinking I was total tool.

"So, um, Bella's car is still at Newton's…"

"And you want to go get it for her." Alice grinned knowingly, implication seeping into her intuition. "Man, you got it bad for that girl."

"Alright, alright! Can you just bring my damn car home so I can take her her truck?" I asked, needing to get back to the eggplant. "I guess I should call Carlisle and tell him to wait for me so I have a ride home."

"I'll call him. I need to ask Bella a question anyway." Alice moved to get the phone. "Do you know her number?"

Alice's question struck a chord of unease as I hesitated in answering. I didn't know Bella's phone number. Sure, I'd fucking sucked her tit, but I didn't have her phone number. This made me feel disoriented, anxiety pressing heavily on my chest and fogging up my brain. I couldn't even get a hold of her if I needed to, the thought stifling and uncomfortable.

Motivated by my facial expression, Alice continued, "No problem, I bet Esme has Charlie's number in her phone book."

Right, Charlie's number. The vice on my chest lessened at this reminder. I found the oxygen necessary to speak once again. "We'll leave in fifteen," I mumbled.

I went back to the kitchen and finished chopping the eggplant into thick slices, then whisked the olive oil and balsamic vinegar for the marinade. I crushed two cloves of garlic with the flat edge of my knife, releasing the aroma into the air and after removing the skin, minced the garlic and combined it with the liquid. I then added the spices, thyme, basil, dill and oregano, stopping to smell each one before pinching a portion into the bowl. Whisking the mixture a couple more times, I covered the bowl with plastic wrap and left it on the counter.

Alice was pensive as I drove to Mike Newton's house. She was gazing out the window, into the gray quiet of late Sunday morning. She silently slid into the driver's seat of the Volvo as I quickly commandeered the monstrous truck. I hesitated in starting the ignition, the gentle quiet of the neighborhood about to be interrupted by the thundering of this archaic conveyance. I started the engine and the truck shuddered to life. Struggling to get the bitch into gear, I stalled that shit twice. Fuck! How did Bella drive this thing?

Finally getting the feel for the way this truck operated, I maneuvered the streets of Forks until I found myself in front of Bella's house. I wanted to go to her, to stay with her all day, talking and reveling in her endearing mannerisms, like the way she pouted when she didn't get her way, her bottom lip jutting out and her eyebrows converging in a most charming crease. I wanted her to invade every one of my senses, an overload of sensory enticement, intent on dominating my apprehension.

But as soon as I pulled up, the loud screeching made everyone within a five mile radius aware that I was approaching and Carlisle was already traipsing down the walkway ready to leave. I ran the keys to the house, placing them on the table just inside the front door, just fucking begging I didn't run into Charlie. I closed the door silently so he wouldn't be summoned and ran back to Carlisle's car. I looked to Bella's window for some sort of validation and was rewarded with a curious face in the frame. It killed me to just leave without explanation.

I did not, however, want to have to explain anything to my uncle, so I just got into the passenger seat of his black Mercedes. Alice must have given him a decent excuse because Carlisle didn't ask how I got Bella's keys or why I would go out of my way to bring her truck home. He just drove in silence, occasionally singing along with the classics rocking on the radio. I was anxious to get home, intent on redemption for my aloofness in the form of grilled eggplant sandwiches.

…

I woke up early Monday morning so I could heat my redemption offering. I assembled the sandwiches, mixing the already prepared grilled eggplant and roasted red peppers with the marinara sauce. I placed the provolone cheese slices into the fold of the roll so that the bread wouldn't get too soggy and spooned the eggplant mixture into the roll. After the sandwiches were toasted I wrapped them in foil and threw them in a bag. They really were best hot and fresh out of the oven, but this would have to suffice.

As I showered and readied myself for school I appraised my injuries. The stitches were fucking itching like crazy so I removed them from my cheek using Alice's scissors and tweezers from her makeup bag on the counter. I maybe could have waited a couple more days but they were irritating as all shit, so I carefully cut each stitch at the knot, pulling the thread with the tweezers and swabbing the area with alcohol. There was only a trace amount of blood, so I covered the wound with a small bandage.

The bruises were almost gone now and the scab on my lip had been removed by all the extra activity it was getting as of late. It still hurt like hell to physically exert myself but I no longer needed the painkillers, the ache in my side a welcome distraction to the more pressing and ever increasing obsessive need I was now forced to confront. I was terrified to admit that I needed Bella. I needed her smell, her approval, her touch…I just needed her, her very essence soothing that ticking bomb, fooling me into a false sense of security and normalcy. The pain was a reminder that the bomb was there, quieted for now, and I'd be an idiot to forget that.

Alice and I left for school a tad earlier than normal. Yeah, I was fucking anxious as shit to see Bella. I hadn't seen her in over twenty-four hours and I was having withdrawals. I was impatient to get to school, to run my fingers through her thick hair. I loved that shit because I knew she loved it, the proof evident in her goosebumps and shivers.

Bella's car wasn't in the parking lot when we arrived on campus. Alice turned to look at me before exiting the vehicle. "You're going to wait for her, huh?" she asked.

"Yeah," I replied, slightly embarrassed but too anxious to give a shit.

Alice got out of the car, shaking her know-it-all head and chuckling to herself. She disappeared onto campus and I was left alone with my anxiety. I watched in the rear view mirror, waiting to catch a glimpse of the old red truck with my brown-eyed girl.

I heard it before I actually saw it, the beast, as I was now going to lovingly refer to it. Roaring into the parking lot, Bella parked her truck a couple of spaces from mine. I watched her from my seat, leaning against the steering wheel, and I was about to go to her when I saw fucking Jasper swaggering up to her truck. What the fuck is this shit?

Bella rolled down the window and Jasper casually leaned onto the frame, his hands falling inside the vehicle. Motherfucker! I didn't want to jump to conclusions but Jasper only had a couple of reasons to be interacting with Bella in this manner and I couldn't see any of them being beneficial. I wanted to fucking knock his face in.

The longer he lingered at her window the stronger the compulsion grew. I could feel the adrenaline pumping in my blood, causing my brain to pound with energy, thump, thump, thump. A rhythm that kept pace with my heart, which was now bursting with intensity, the fear swelling in my chest, and I felt sure I would explode if he didn't get off her fucking door. I struggled to breathe through my nose, inhale, exhale, shaky breaths that filled my chest with disgust, unable to unclench my jaw, my teeth painfully ground together. My fingers started to tingle, twitching into clenched fists, my nails digging into my palms and throbbing for absolution, and I yearned for the fucking discharge of energy. I wanted the contact of fist to flesh, barbaric and raw, protecting that fragile being from the fucking onslaught of malfeasance I could only imagine spewing forth from Jasper's mouth. I sat in my car fucking buzzing with outrage and needing a distraction so I wouldn't let my body take control. Fighting against my own head, I gripped the steering wheel, an attachment to physically keep me in the car.

The urge overwhelmed and I couldn't rein it in anymore. I opened the door and got out of my car only to see Jasper leaving Bella's window. I felt like following him, pushing him into a wall or something, but my desire to see Bella smothered my desire to fuck his shit up. I had to touch her now, the urgency compounding, and I needed that cathartic release to ease the disdain of seeing Jasper hanging on her window frame.

Bella was getting out of her truck, her tote bag slung across her shoulder, when I collided with her, my every particle longing for that connection of cosmically charged energy. The instant her body met mine the energy was dispersed, transferred, and I knew that she was now carrying some of the weight of my compulsion. Guilt and relief flooded into my being, disgusted with myself for allowing the transfer to take place yet relieved at the lessening of the heaviness and euphoric at the encumbrance of her body seamed to mine.

"Shit!" she cursed, and I fused myself to her, locking my arms around her waist and just inhaling her, natural and lavender, like I hadn't been breathing. Her chocolate pools absorbed me in ocular liquification before my gaze drifted to her tongue pulling across her sly grin. Fuck. That mouth sang to me, pulling me to it, and I fought the urge to just glue myself to her face. Instead, I gently placed my lips to hers, still not releasing her.

"Hi." Really, it was all I could think of.

"Hey," she responded, bringing her hand to my chest, and I reveled in the no longer absent touch. Her other hand slid up my neck, kneading the muscle below my hairline, and it felt so fucking good, just fucking delightful to have that tension released. I closed my eyes and couldn't help but smile at her caress.

Unexpectedly, her hand turned forceful and I found myself being pulled to her, her tongue flicking out to lick my lip and causing an influx of endorphins to explode out of my carefully controlled demeanor. Her mouth was on mine now and I couldn't control my body, my mouth moving with hers, tongues all twisting and pulsing, and I needed her closer still. I clutched the first thing I could, her soft hair running down her back, and used it to pull her into my chest, engulfing her, one hand coming up to bring her mouth closer to me, inhaling and pulling her closer and closer until she tried to pull away.

No! My mind screamed in protest and my grip on her face and hair tightened, refusing to let her pull from my grasp, the power of control hardening my dick and fucking with my mind. What the fuck is my problem?

Bella groaned into my mouth, her pleasure dissipating my self-disgust. She liked this, this made her feel good? Confusion tainted my resolve and the shock of her display allowed me to release her. I searched her face, looking for fear, disgust, rejection, finding only lust and enticement in her flushed and swollen expression. My sweet girl, you are a marvel I am dying to explore.

I brought my hands to her face, trying to force calm into my being, and placed a small kiss on her lips and then one on the tip on her narrow nose, trying to make up for the vicious attack of a kiss just moments before.

"Fuck Bella, I don't know if we can do this in public. We might get arrested. I mean, that had to be obscenely indecent." Indecent in so many ways I didn't even want to begin to consider. I gently pulled her into me, still trying to silently apologize.

"Hmm, obscenely indecent, huh? Yeah, that's awesome," she responded, causing me to chuckle in panic. If she only knew what was reeling through my mind during that kiss, she'd freak out, probably run away screaming. I had to make it right, show her the respect I felt. I pulled away, opting to place my arm around her shoulders instead.

"May I walk you to class, Miss Swan?" I asked, trying to be a gentleman and shit, which is fucking difficult to do with a raging boner.

"Of course. If you didn't, I'd be wicked pissed," she responded, making light of my exhibit and bringing a grin to my lips. I walked her to her class, English, and I couldn't deny that people were staring. The town freak and the new girl were causing quite a stir in fucking supercilious Forks. Bella just acted like it didn't bother her at all. I was fascinated by these little tidbits of information that I was learning about her, like what classes she had and that she was brave in the face of ridicule.

Bella was even brave when we encountered fucking Stanley and her clan of fake-ass bitches. Even as they muttered insults, she just trudged on, acceptance and even humor evident in her carriage. I mean, it was impressive. I thought girls were supposed to be all self-conscious about this shit. I wanted to punch each of them in the face, cause real physical harm, but Bella just ignored their stupid remarks.

After making sure she'd be okay I kissed her forehead goodbye, still worried about the creepy possessive kiss making a comeback. I mean, what the fuck? It was like an impulse I couldn't control, the need to have her close to me, and when it was threatened my whole being fought back, the only relief seeming to be contact with Bella, the very trigger for the urge. I had to admit, this scared the shit out of me, but I obviously enjoyed her company too much to actually do anything about it.

…

I was so fucking excited for lunch. I really wasn't even hungry but I couldn't wait to offer Bella my redemption sandwich, especially now after the morning creepy kiss. I waited for her outside the lunch room and I greeted her by kissing her wrist, inhaling the scent as I placed a small kiss on the distended bone before pulling her into my arms.

"How was your morning?" I asked her, dying to kiss her lips but opting for her jaw instead. Her skin here was so soft, reminding me of her skin elsewhere in a more concealed place, skin that only I currently had access to, skin that I longed to pull into my mouth and taste.

"Horribly dull. And yours?" she responded breathlessly.

"Getting better," I whispered, my lips still on her jaw, struggling to pull away before my impulses took over. The eggplant sandwiches invaded, giving me the strength to control my urge to feel her up right there outside the lunch room. I moved the hair from her face instead.

"Hungry?" I asked, hoping she liked eggplant. It's kind of an acquired taste, but everyone in my family liked my sandwiches. We walked into the lunch room, Emmett and Rose already waiting at a table. I had kind of fallen into the habit of bringing them lunch. Sometimes Emmett brought leftovers from dinner, sometimes I made new stuff especially for lunch. Cafeteria food really was terrible and it didn't really make sense for me to make just enough for myself. It was just as easy to make a shitload and share.

I explained to Bella the lunch I had prepared as we walked to the table, pulling the bag from my backpack. She seemed a little apprehensive but hopefully that would be assuaged when she tasted my creation.

Emmett grinned as we approached and made some smartass comment and Bella responded with equal banter, but I didn't hear their conversation. The look on Rosalie's face as we approached distracted me from paying attention. Rose was going to start some shit. I'd seen that look in her eye before, she was prepared to rip Bella to pieces, seeking retribution for me ditching them at the party.

"I guess it's pretty easy to bounce back when you have prince charming rescuing you all the time, huh?" I heard Rosalie say. Yep, seeking retribution. Bitch.

"Shut it, Rose," I said, intent on squashing this shit quickly before Rose got the upper hand. I knew the shit that could fly out of her mouth when she sensed weakness. But she continued.

"What? I'm just saying, if you can't hold your liquor you shouldn't drink. And you shouldn't climb walls if you can't walk in a straight line. It's all very damsel in distress, isn't it now?" Rose's tone of voice was sickly sweet, but I knew the implication behind the words and I did not want her to fucking ruin my retribution offering.

"Fuck, Rose. Do you have to-" I was going to say "be such a fucking cunt" but luckily Bella interrupted because I firmly believe Emmett, and probably Rose herself, would have kicked my ass for that remark.

Bella surprised the shit out of me, again, for like the tenth time today. "No, Edward. She's right." She turned to address Rose now. "I acted like a total idiot. I drank too much, I smoked too much, and I made dumb decisions. It was very foolish and I'm lucky Edward was there to help me."

I had to laugh because I doubted Rosalie had ever been spoken to like that before. She'd been cursed at, yelled at, flipped off, and even shoved in the hall. But she'd never been given a dose of her own passive aggressive, kill 'em with kindness crap. My adoration for Bella just fucking beamed knowing that she had Rose pegged and that she knew how to put her in her place.

Alice finally showed and I passed out the sandwiches. Bella took hers, unwrapping it and picking up half the sandwich. She didn't look as hesitant as she had with the crepes and when she took her first bite I was able to ease into conversation. Bella and Alice left to use the restroom so I walked to class alone, waiting at the lab table for Bella.

I was deep in thought planning on pasta for dinner when I felt two thin arms wrap around my waist, a pair of familiar hands interlacing at my middle, and I felt Bella lay her head between my shoulder blades. I reached around to pull her to my side expecting sweet lavender but was hit with tobacco instead, the earthy musk filling my lungs. She'd been smoking with Alice. I knew Alice smoked, I mean come on, the "walks", the pink lighter that she said was in case of global catastrophe, and the smell. I mean shit, I am a connoisseur of aromas. Did she really think I wouldn't smell that shit on her?

I really wasn't surprised that Bella was smoking with her, but I wasn't really thrilled either. It made her smell funny, not my Bella smell, but someone else's, reminding me that I might not be the only thing out there that wanted to claim Bella. This habit, smoking and drinking, it might have a hold on her too, and I just couldn't have that. Like I said, I didn't want to share.

"You were smoking with Alice, huh?" I asked her, hoping she'd be honest and rewarded when she nodded. "She thinks I don't know, but come on, it's not a smell you can hide."

I decided to let it go, hoping that this was something that might disappear as our relationship grew and it wasn't worth wasting one minute in discourse with Bella. I kissed her fingers to let her know that I wasn't planning on a lecture today.

The rest of the class period flew by and I couldn't keep my hands to myself, like some prehistoric mating ritual, I wanted to make my claim on her evident to all the others in the classroom. I even fucking marked her, a goddamn 'e' on her palm, etched with my pen. It was so fucking ridiculous but I just couldn't help myself. I had to go grocery shopping after school so I told her I would see her later that night and anticipated the meeting with all my being.

After school I went to the market, getting the ingredients for dinner. I decided on a Pasta Primavera, throwing the necessary ingredients into my basket, the vegetables green and refreshing next to the rich heaviness of the cream and parmesan.

When I got home I cooked the dish and served dinner to my family, packaging the leftovers for tomorrow's lunch. I found myself making dishes that excluded meats because I faintly remember Rose had said something about Bella being a vegetarian. Bella hadn't told me herself, but I adhered just in case.

It was past nine by the time dinner was finished. We had to wait for Carlisle to get home and Emmett to get out of practice and Alice was gone after school for, like, four hours doing God only knows what. She said she had stayed after with a math tutor and then went for a hike, but come on, who the hell did she think she was fooling? Something was up. Between the secretive shit she pulled yesterday and her sudden interest in physical activity, she was withholding information and that fucking pissed me off. If the roles were reversed she'd be all over my ass with her incessant questioning and tarot card shit.

I was ready to go see Bella and I wondered how I should approach the situation with my uncle. I didn't want to be sneaking around like what we were doing was bad because it wasn't. It was good, very fucking good, but I did not want to explain that to Carlisle. I went up to Carlisle's office to tell him where I was going. I didn't think he would mind, he'd always been persistent in his endeavors to get me to socialize. Apparently it's important for kids like me to have friends and shit and I doubted Carlisle would deny me this opportunity to engage in a social interaction, especially on my own volition. Still, I was slightly apprehensive that he would deny my request because then I would have to fucking sneak out.

Just as I reached the landing my uncle stepped out of his office. "Edward! I was just going to find you. May I speak with you for a moment?" Carlisle was acting strange, all formal and shit, like I was one of his patients or something. This couldn't be good.

I walked into his office like a fucking five year old. He motioned for me to sit on the ocher chenille couch while he took a seat in one of the brown leather smoking chairs. I leaned over to rest my elbows on my thighs, folding my hands between my knees. Carlisle crossed his legs, bringing his hand to support his chin and looked at me appraisingly, obviously not knowing where to begin. We sat there for, like, five minutes in silence before Carlisle spoke.

"Emmett has mentioned that you've been spending some time with Alice's friend, Bella Swan." He was acting like he didn't know what was going on. I mean, fuck, he went to medical school, he could figure this shit out.

"Carlisle, yeah, I've been seeing Bella. We're kind of dating." Were we…dating? I hadn't really taken her out on a date. I mean, I would willingly drown in the fiery rivers of hell for her and I let her rub up on my dick, but dinner, nope. God, I am a complete asshole.

"Well, I would like to know what your intentions are. Charlie Swan is a good friend and his daughter is important to him." Carlisle was looking at his own hands now, knowing the truth behind that statement. He wanted to know if I was fucking her or if it was more. Shit, I didn't know how to explain this.

"I'm not…sleeping with Bella, Carlisle," I said honestly. "We just enjoy each other's company. We're hanging out and talking and stuff. I don't know." I shrugged because I really didn't know.

I knew that I couldn't be without Bella. I knew that I was weirdly compelled to be near her, her mass drawing me in, magnetically charged and electric in our connection. She was my binary star, my symbiotic match, formed from the same fabric. But that sounded insane, right? Definitely not something you should tell a doctor, the fear of those mind numbing drugs inhibiting my honesty.

"How long has this been going on? Since she got here?" Carlisle asked, eyeing me curiously.

"Yeah, I guess. I met her at the market last Monday, I think." I looked down because the minute the words were out of my mouth I knew he was going to make the connection.

"She's the girl. The memorable one?" There it was. Click, Carlisle, motherfucking click.

"Um, yeah." I was still looking down at my hands, remembering them on Bella's skin. The impulse was beginning to creep up again and agitation was burning in my gut. It was getting late and Bella was expecting me to come over. I did not want to be responsible for disappointing her.

"Ah. And the fighting?" Carlisle was going to ask it all tonight. I knew we were in for a long conversation. I was going to be fucking late.

…

I ran every red light driving to Bella's that night, my conversation with Carlisle still burning in my brain. The fucking sex talk. Oh my God, the torture, having to explain to Carlisle that I already knew how sex worked. I mean, I'm fucking seventeen and I have internet access and nobody is more knowledgeable about sex than a seventeen-year-old male with internet access. He asked me if I masturbated and I had to tell him 'frequently', because it was the truth. He asked me if I was still a virgin and I had to tell him the truth here also. Then he started talking about women and their anatomy, their fucking reproductive cycle and how they got pregnant, not that I didn't know all of this as well, thanks to my fifth grade sex ed teacher.

Then he wanted to talk about Bella. He wanted to know the extent of our relationship, was I planning on dating her or having a physical relationship with her, and if I did, to use precaution in the form of prophylactics. He even gave me a box of condoms, newly purchased for this special occasion.

However, at the end, when I was crawling in my skin trying to get out of there and over to Bella's, Carlisle said something that made me listen intently. He said I should take Bella on a date and that girls like flowers, that he didn't know why because flowers just die and make a huge mess, but that if I was serious about Bella, I should be a gentleman. He also said I should be honest with her about my parents.

The thought of discussing my parents with Bella made me nauseous because I was going to have to explain to her the possibilities in store for me as well, and that shit would freak anyone out. I mean, this thing was just developing and I was going to hit her with all this fucking family drama. I planned to tell her because it was only fair, seeing as how her safety could be in danger, just not yet. I just wanted to enjoy this thing with Bella a little bit longer.

I pulled up in front of Bella's house to find her looking out her bedroom window, all Shakespearean and shit. I didn't even bother pulling in the driveway or turning around to park on her side of the street. I just pulled over and parked, anxiety welling in my every movement as I got out of the car and walked across the street. She met me at the front door again, pulling me silently by my shirt into the house. Charlie was in the living room, the glow from the TV streaming into the foyer. I figured he must still be drugged up but I crept past the doorway regardless and followed Bella up the stairs. She was still in her school clothes, her jeans caressing her sweet little behind, and I swear she put an extra little twist in her hips because she knew I was looking. I was struggling to keep my hands to myself as she led me to her room, just like before. God, I hoped this was going to turn into a habit.

Bella closed her bedroom door when we were inside and once the metal of the latch secured closed with a telling click, the intensity of the magnetic pull forced us together. I drank her in, urgently sliding my hands underneath her shirt making contact with the skin of her lower back and sides, right below her ribcage, the bones causing little ripples on her tight skin. I touched her tongue with mine, sinking into her mouth and breathing her in so deep the influx of oxygen made me euphoric.

Bella pulled her hands from my neck and trailed them across my chest and stomach to my fucking waistband and I pulled away to look at her face. What was she doing? She began to unbutton my shirt and I let her take it off, her hands and eyes roaming my torso and God, her hands felt so amazing, I closed my eyes to allow my sense of touch to fully absorb the feeling. I groaned into the silence when her fingers grazed my nipples because, quite honestly, they'd never been touched by anyone like this, the sensation was quite overwhelming, heightening my arousal and sending those familiar fluids surging, making my cock just fucking swell.

Bella continued to trace the lines of my stomach, moving to my hips and causing my body to seriously fucking shake the closer she got to my crotch. Then, because apparently Bella likes surprises, she slid her fingers into my underwear, just underneath the waistband, and pressed her hip into my dick, causing that intense need to spring from the desire coiled deep in my being. The need was raging now, surging through every vein and seeping from every pore in my body. I wanted her badly, wanted her naked, wanted her enveloping my dick in whatever fashion possible. I needed to feel her skin on mine, to connect with her on this primal and guttural level. It was becoming uncontrollable, suffocating reason and destroying my self control.

"Fuck, Bella. I can't take much more of this," I managed to say. She answered with her tongue in my mouth, which did not help the fucking situation. She pushed me onto the bed and I pulled her down with me because there was no way in hell I was going to let her go. I rolled us over so I could hover over her, pushing her shirt up and just fucking basking in her braless and bare skin. I kissed every part of her naked breasts and stomach, licking the little valleys formed by her ribs, sucking the skin closer to her belly button, hands massaging everything and I couldn't fucking get her close. I wrapped my arms around her too tiny waist and pulled her closer, but it wasn't enough.

She reached down and brought my face to hers, whispering quite possibly the best phrase in the English language.

"Edward, I want you to touch me. Please?" That last beg almost made me come in my pants. Fuck! Her words turned something in me, silenced my reserve, my fingers gripping and rubbing furiously. My mouth sucked on her neck and ear while my hands unbuttoned her pants. I found myself peeling away her jeans quickly, rubbing my hands up and down her thighs, the creamy skin inviting and begging to be touched. My hands moved up her hips and wrapped around the small of her back and ass, squeezing the most fleshy part of Bella, and she sucked in a breath. This sound brought my awareness back and I stopped, gazing into her eyes and silently asking for permission.

Her hand moved to grasp my fucking dick and I was gone. I was hovering in reality, my hand gripping her ass hard and the other just fucking dove into her panties, touching everything. She was wet, so fucking wet I almost thought something was wrong. But she didn't look like she was in pain so I found myself diving deeper into her pussy, the flesh tight around my fingers, one and then two, stretching and swirling, alternating between fast and slow, my fingers just eager to move on their own. I couldn't control it now and my fingers curled around and inside her, pushing and pulling on everything I could touch. My hard dick fucking ached as it pushed against my pants, begging to be released, jealous of the task my hand got to perform. I was thankful it was confined, the possessive creepy kiss still fresh in my awareness. It was a fucking mess. I hadn't really ever done this before but I'd seen it done of course, and I'd heard about it, unfortunately from Emmett, but nothing compared to the feeling of my fingers pushing into this girl, all tight and wet and just a big fucking sticky mess.

Suddenly, I felt Bella's fingers on my pants again and found the button of my pants loose. I stopped.

"Bella, that's not a good idea," I warned. I wasn't sure I could control this. This whole experience was new to me. Bella was in a vulnerable position with her pants removed and it would just be too easy to shed those tiny white cotton panties. What if my body took over again? What if I did something Bella didn't want? What if I hurt her? I didn't want to find out.

"Of course it's a good idea. It's a fucking phenomenal idea, I guarantee it." She kissed me while unzipping my pants and the pressure on my erection eased while the pressure in my head pounded a warning.

"Bella, stop. What if I can't control myself? It might be too much." I didn't want to tell her all the grisly details from this morning or from my out of body experience just now, so I left it at that, hoping she would get the picture.

She didn't. "It's okay, Edward. Let's just see what happens. You'll never know if you don't try." I wanted to believe the words, but my mind was still apprehensive about this. It was just too much to have us both exposed and willing. How would I be able to find the strength to stop?

She touched my face, her fingers like a calm song, smoothing her finger across my lip before kissing me fully. I slowly continued to touch her, sliding in and out, push and pull and when her hand enclosed my throbbing dick, my will crumbled, eliciting a deep moan from my chest, the pleasure of her hands on my skin just unbearably gratifying. I pulled away from her mouth because I couldn't fucking breathe and lightheaded as a motherfucker I collapsed into her shoulder.

She used both hands now, our hands working in unison, and I felt that growling deep in my groin taking over. My fingers pumped into her hard, too hard, but her hands on my cock forced me to keep going, all rational thought gone, and I could feel her opening stretching and widening as my fingers worked fiercely. I wanted to stop to see if she was okay but I couldn't find it within myself, the mounting pressure too staggering to ignore, which fucking scared the shit out of me. I could feel the flesh swell around my fingers and I wanted my dick inside her. I wanted to feel her surround me, engulfing and suffocating, and I wanted it now. I needed to consume her, claim her by flooding her with my fluid, our bodies combining on a cellular level. I thought about removing the fucking underwear and just seeing if she would go for it, the need all encompassing, and I couldn't ignore the burning to take her, disgust burrowing its way into my cognizance.

Struggling to hold onto my sanity, I felt her insistent hand moving with mine inside her, her fingers entering and using her wet slick fluid as lubrication around my dick. Shocked, I gazed intensely into her eyes. The ecstasy was shattering as I fucking came all over my stomach and she continued to pump, the aftershocks inundating and smothering all other senses at the same time. The glory of the orgasm quieted the impulsive monster lurking and I pushed the disturbance from my mind so I could give Bella my full attention.

I had to see Bella come, I had to see the orgasm rock through her body and feel her clench around my fingers, so I pushed into her clit and violently pushed her shirt up, taking her nipple with my teeth, hoping like hell I wasn't being too rough. I guess it didn't matter because she was pulsing now, tightening around my fingers and shuddering when my thumb hit her clit.

I removed my shaking hand and lay back on her bed. Bella's chest was heaving, a content smile on her lips, her lovely eyes closed, and the horror of what I had almost done sickened me. What the fuck am I doing with her? I was a fucking mess, just fluids everywhere. I leaned over and kissed that beautiful creature on the nose and went to the restroom.

I crept silently down the hall to the only open door and entered the dark room. I closed the door and flicked on the light, relieved I had chosen the right door. I washed my stomach using some toilet paper, not wanting to wipe up my spunk with one of Bella's or, God forbid, Charlie's towels but then realized that was an awful idea as it crumbled and shredded, little pieces of paper stuck in the hair on my stomach and groin. I sighed, defeated by paper products, and spent the next fifteen minutes picking shit out off of my belly all the while thinking of the horrible things going through my head while I was finger fucking Bella.

I was so fucking confused. Bella made me feel…normal again. Like I'd never had a crazy father that murdered my mother, like I'd never had the ticking bomb, like I was valuable. The way I felt when I was around her, when we were together intimately…it was a feeling unlike anything I'd ever experienced, even compared to all the shit I'd put my body through during the destructive days, better than fighting, better than extreme sports, this release shook me to my very core, and I hadn't even had sex with her yet. It was just so intense and I was petrified by what this might mean, what implications this realization had. If I ever hurt her, I would…I don't even know what I would do…but I know it would involve some sort of self inflicted torture.

I refused to experience that loss of control again but I couldn't give up the high that being with Bella gave me, my soul would simply not allow it. But I could be a gentleman, take Bella on dates and bring her dying flowers. In my urgency to feel as much of Bella as I could before I…couldn't anymore, I had neglected the thought that she might want to feel something different. Even though it seemed she couldn't quell her desire any more than I could, I knew she deserved better than this. We hadn't even said but a handful of words tonight, just went straight to the groping. It was unforgivable. I mean, I didn't even know what kind of flowers she would like.

I left the bathroom and made my way back to Bella's room in the dark, my eyes having a difficult time adjusting to the loss of light. Bella was still lying on the bed, her soft hair fanned out around her face, her pink lips still curled in small smile. Her shirt was slightly pulled up, exposing her sticky stomach and panties. It was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.

As soon as I sat down on the bed Bella opened her eyes and turned her head towards me. With a grin she left for the bathroom while I looked for my shirt. In my haste to see Bella I had forgotten my coat and I shuddered at how freezing it would be walking out to my car.

I sat on her bed buttoning my shirt when I heard the door open. I looked up, embarrassed now by our exchange, the fact that we had just had to clean ourselves up from the mixing of bodily fluids was a little awkward.

Suddenly Bella crashed into me, the propulsion of her body almost knocking me off the bed. She crawled into my lap, her fingers fastening in my shirt, dampness spreading into the material. Bella was crying, her whole body fucking shaking in silence. At first I panicked, not understanding, thinking she was hurt, that maybe I had hurt her with my…enthusiasm. Bella seemed to calm when I touched her so I wove my hands in her hair, the tangled web a soft gossamer mess, and I smoothed every strand until she was quiet and still. I didn't know why she was so upset but I knew that I could ease it, so that is what I focused on.

It was getting late and I needed to get home or else Carlisle might not be so understanding about my late night social interactions. Bella walked me to my car after pulling on some sweats and I pulled her into my arms, trying to abate some of the cold. I kissed Bella's neck because it was so close and I just couldn't have her that close to my lips without putting them on her. I found her velvety brown eyes and felt the warmth dissolving any sense of foreboding that had been present earlier. I knew what I wanted to do.

"Bella, will you go out with me?" I asked her, wondering if she'd actually say yes.

"What, like on a date?" She smiled a huge fucking smile and I knew she was going to say yes. She was just going to play a little first.

I nodded, returning her grin and knowing her plan.

"Hmmm, I'll have to think about it." She looked up at the sky, trying to look uninterested.

"Really?" I asked, pretending to be surprised. "Well, if you're unsure I could always ask Jessica Stanley." Two could play.

"Ew, gross. Don't even joke like that!" She pushed me in the chest, a tinge in my side, but I caught her and brought her back, intent on never letting go.

"Please Bella, will you go on a date with me?" I begged, kissing her a little as part of the persuasion.

"Okay," she said quietly. I kissed Bella one last time, a small kiss on the lips, before getting into my car. I drove home without the radio, Bella's acceptance the only sound I wanted in my head.

…

I couldn't believe how two weeks could completely change your life. Bella had been here almost two weeks and already things were so fucking different. For one, I spent most of my free time at Bella's house. On her roof wrapped in a comforter. In her room with the door closed. We'd spent every evening just fucking groping and kissing and roaming, some nights intent on getting each other off and some just enjoying the shit out of exploring our relationship. But I didn't let our pants come off at the same time. That kept the creepy monster under wraps and I was able to enjoy my time with Bella without the fear that I would do something unforgivable and manifest that guilt. The time bomb still ticked, just not as loudly.

Another thing is that school went by in a blur. I always met her at her truck in the morning and walked her to class. Then I would meet her in the lunch room where we would eat whatever I had created for us that day, talking and bullshitting with Emmett, Rose and Alice, although Alice was still having some issue with her math class and claimed she needed a remedial tutor. This made no fucking sense because Alice knew that Emmett and I both were excellent at math.

Sometimes Alice would walk Bella to class, the two of them stopping at the restroom by the Science building, and I knew what they were doing. Bella would either come back smelling like fresh cigarettes or fresh peppermint. The girl sure did love her mints.

Even Esme and Carlisle were different. Esme gave me extra long hugs in the morning, patting my back and kissing my cheek before we left for school. It saddened me to think that she couldn't do this before and I wondered why it was okay now, now that I had Bella. Carlisle insisted that we keep the "lines of communication" open, meaning if I decided to have sex with Bella I should tell him. I planned on it, it really wasn't anything I was ashamed of, I just wasn't ready to tackle that demon yet. Even with Bella's consent, I didn't know if I could handle being that close to her without the monster making an appearance and this scared me shitless.

I had gathered a large bag of snacks together for my first official date with Bella. I was taking her to the local drive-in to see a really gory vampire flick. I didn't actually plan on watching the movie much and it just seemed so fucking fantastically cliché to take her to a scary movie at a drive-in for our first date. I had never actually been on a date before and both my experiences with girls were accidents, but Bella was totally on purpose.

I had also asked if I could drive the beast. The Volvo was a beautiful vehicle but her truck oozed drive-in nostalgia and the bench seat in the cab was a plus too. No pesky center console or shift knob in the way.

I packed up the popped popcorn, trail mix, licorice, peppermint patties because Bella likes mints so much, cans of soda, bottles of water and lemonade. So far Bella favored water and lemonade from the lunch counter, so I got both, and I got soda, in case she wanted that too.

We had made plans for me to pick her up at six thirty at her house, which meant I would have to go in, pretend to introduce myself to Charlie and shake his hand or some male bonding shit. This really was ridiculous seeing as how I already knew Charlie but Carlisle seemed to think it was a good idea and he's never steered me wrong.

I showered and got dressed, choosing some gray jeans, a white t-shirt and my black and white plaid flannel shirt, because it might be fucking cold. I even put a little of Emmett's gel in my messy hair trying to tame it into some sort of style but the length kept fucking shit up so I eventually just walked out of the bathroom and left it as is.

I still didn't know what kind of flowers Bella would like so I went out into the woods behind my house and picked her some wildflowers, the yellow sunflowery Balsam Root and deep blue Delphinium accented by delicate white Prairie Star. I looked up all their names, in case she asked. I used a piece of twine to secure the small bundle and it looked sad as all hell but it smelled fucking awesome and it was cultivated from my home, an offering of myself to her.

Tossing about ten blankets into the back seat I placed Bella's flowers on the seat next to me and the bag of snacks on the floor of the Volvo. As I drove to Bella's my nerves began to make an appearance, settling in my gut and fucking with my normal bodily functions. I checked the clock again. Six fifteen. Okay, I was still on time and even a little early. That looks good, like I'm responsible and shit, right?

I pulled into the driveway and then backed out onto the street to park in front of Bella's house. I tossed the blankets and food bag into the back of her truck and, clutching the fragrant bundle tightly in my shaking hand, walked up to the front door. Relax, fucker, you've been here before.

Before I could even knock, Bella appeared in the doorway. She was wearing a long olive green flowing skirt and a black long sleeve shirt that was all twisted and tied in odd places, and she was wearing, like, dancing shoes or something, like a ballerina. She looked like a fucking ballerina, all beautiful and graceful. Her long hair was loose around her face, thankfully, and her brown eyes glittered with sparkly shadows. Bella was mesmerizing, her beauty all encompassing and surging around her in lustrous adornment. She smiled and walked out onto the porch, closing the door behind her. Reaching up to slide her arms around my neck, she kissed my lips in slow and sensual tugs and licks.

"Hey," she said, pulling away from me.

"Hi," I responded. This was our usual greeting, easy and comfortable, like I'd just been in the other room this whole time. I handed her the bunch of flowers. Her eyes lit up in surprise, an incredulous grin on her lips. She whispered a thank you, quickly kissing me on the cheek. I shrugged, a little embarrassed with my offering, but seeing that light in her eyes made it all worthwhile.

"Okay, so Charlie's really bummed he has to eat Billy's food tonight, so please, please, don't take offense to anything he says or does." Bella felt compelled to warn me. That couldn't have been good. "And, um, he's going to want to know…like, what you are…to me." She looked down, chewing her bottom lip and twisting her fingers.

"Well, what am I…to you?" I asked, interested.

She was still looking down, shifting her stance and causing the material of her skirt to sway around her legs.

"You're kind of like… everything to me." She was putting her feelings out there. It was more than I deserved, but I would accept it for now, while I had the opportunity to make the choice. I had to give her something in return, aligning my emotions with hers.

"I know, me too, Bella. I mean, I feel the same." Fuck, I am terrible at this. I would be glad to claim her as my…whatever. Everything, soul mate, elemental match, pick one, but you couldn't really introduce someone as your binary star, right?

"But maybe we'll just stick to traditional boyfriend and girlfriend labels, for Charlie's sake," I said, pulling her back to me and kissing her forehead. She smiled and nodded, returning the gesture with a small kiss on my lips.

Bella opened the front door and we stepped into the foyer. I could hear the TV on in the living room and I walked in to greet Bella's father. Charlie was seated on the couch, the living room had obviously become his new healing place. I had really only seen the room in passing, in the green glow of a television set. I knew that Charlie slept down here but according to the menagerie of shit that had collected in the room I came to the conclusion that he must stay down here all day too.

Bella walked in behind me and moved to stand by the couch. "Dad, um, this is Edward…my boyfriend." She kind of looked at me with a sarcastic grin when she said that last part and I totally understood her mockery of the word. It was kind of profane to label Bella as only my girlfriend, the ordinary noun unfitting for an extraordinary person.

Charlie slowly stood up, his large form filling the space. He wasn't so tall as much as just big, the residue of atrophied muscles making his arms and legs massive. Charlie assessed me quietly for a moment before offering a huge weathered hand. I mean, he knew me, this was kind of ridiculous, so I smiled and rolled my eyes as I shook his hand firmly. Feeling the power in his grip I realized this man, if he were healthy, could totally fuck me up.

Charlie obviously didn't appreciate my nonchalant gesture because his face remained appraising. I felt like I should say something but I couldn't think of anything. I just stood there, holding this dude's hand for like a whole two minutes of silence. I eventually pulled my hand away and Charlie sat back down on the couch, giving his attention to the television set again.

No wonder Bella though he didn't like her. Charlie was stone, a fucking statue of blank affect.

Bella smiled apologetically at me and then turned to her dad. "Okay, we're going to go. I'll be home soon, not too late."

"Hmph," Charlie grunted. Bella moved past me to get her coat from the foyer.

"It was nice to see you again, Charlie. Carlisle says hi," I said. Charlie's head snapped over to look at me, his lip twitching, and for an instant a glimmer of amusement shone in his weary eyes. I grinned again, shaking my head.

Bella was waiting by her truck and I ran out to meet her, opening her door and helping her into the vehicle. I walked around to the driver's side, praying I wouldn't stall her truck, or grind the gears or something like that.

I drove to the drive-in only stalling once. Bella laughed her ass off so I didn't feel too bad about my inability to move my feet in opposing directions at the same time. The lot was already filling up but I managed to find a good spot, right in the middle. I parked the truck, got two blankets and the snacks from the back, and tuned the old radio to the FM modulator frequency for our movie.

"So what movie are we even seeing?" Bella asked, unbuckling and kicking her shoes off, exposing her bare feet. I had never really seen her feet before, they had always been shrouded in socks, and the sight of them naked uncovered yet another part of Bella for me to adore. She curled her legs underneath her skirt, sitting cross legged in her seat. The skirt was killing me, easy access couldn't be more enticing.

"I don't even know what it's called, but it's scary," I responded with a sly grin. "You might be scared. You might have to sit really close to me, like on my lap." I winked at her and she moved to crawl closer.

"Really? What if you're scared? I'm not going to let you sit on my lap," she said, nestling into my side as I put my arm around her.

"I'll just have to find something to distract me," I replied, breathing into her neck and placing a slow wet kiss below her jaw.

"Jesus Edward, the movie hasn't even started yet," she joked breathlessly, leaning her head away from me, exposing more of her skin and allowing for easier access. I brushed the hair from her shoulder, entranced by the exquisite lines of her neck curving into her shoulder. Her black criss-cross shirt formed a lovely V along her chest, exposing her delicate collarbones. This girl was all bones and the urge to nourish her arose, reminding me of the snackage I had prepared for us.

I pulled away, snickering at her answering glare, and reached down to get the bag. "I brought the goods," I announced, putting the bag between us.

"What'd you bring," she asked, slightly interested.

"All kinds of shit. You know, movie food." Digging through the bag, I searched for the peppermint patties because I had a suspicion she would like them the best. I pulled them out and tossed the bag to her.

She caught the bag and stared at them for like a full minute. I thought she might not know what they were so I explained. "They're chocolate and peppermint, because you like mints so much."

"I know," she said quietly, apprehension clinging in the air. Shit, was she pissed?

"You don't have to eat them. I just thought you might like them since I don't really know what kind of candy you like. I was kind of shooting in the dark here." I felt like a total ass. Why didn't I just fucking ask her what she wanted instead of assuming? Shit, I fucked this up with goddamn candy.

"No, you're right. I love mints. I've never tried these before, that's all. I bet they're great." Bella looked up now, her eyes glassed over, and smiled at me. She opened the bag and removed one of the candies, unwrapped it and took a bite. She chewed slowly and carefully, smiling at me as she consumed the treat. Bella must have liked them because she unwrapped another and ate it slowly, like the first. Then she twisted the top of the bag and put it on the floor.

Content with this display, I brought out the bag of popcorn and drinks, stowing the bag beneath my feet. The credits had started to roll and Bella cozied up to my side again.

The movie was a fucking cherry pie fest. Red syrup and gore just fucking everywhere. It was seriously turning my stomach to watch this shit. Bella spent the first thirty minutes of the movie hiding under my arm and asking for a plot play by play.

I pulled one of the blankets around us and handed her a bottle of lemonade. She took the bottle and opened it, taking a sip.

"You really thought of everything, didn't you?" she said, engrossed in the bottle.

I shrugged. "I just wanted things to be cool, you know." I kissed her hair, inhaling deeply her sweet organic scent.

"Well, mission accomplished. Everything has been very cool." She turned toward me and placed a gentle kiss, slightly sucking the puckered flesh, and her teeth tugging on my lower lip. I returned her endearment and flexed the arm already around her to press her closer to me, deepening the kiss, sliding my tongue out to meet hers as she arranged her hands in my hair. Her fingers on the back of my scalp, massaging, her mouth moving with mine, she moved her body to rest on her knees. Her hands tugged slightly, tufts of hair in her fingers as frenzy and intensity bled into her gratitude.

Bella was now completely on top of me, our bodies moving in a tidal push and pull as her hands pulled on my hair and her tongue pushed into my mouth. I brought my other arm up to her lower back, running my hand down to grab her ass, and pressed into her, the gauze under my gripping fingers reminding me that she was wearing a fucking skirt and I could have shouted hallelujah right out loud. I continued to clutch her skirt around her ass with both hands now and she pushed that little butt out into my grasp, arching her back and pushing her tits into my chest. Bella was driving my actions tonight, her lust evident in every movement and touch.

I couldn't fucking breathe now and I pulled away from her mouth to connect to that curve in her neck. I sucked on the skin, wanting to make a mark, pulling the flesh a little with my teeth. Bella leaned away, exposing the area more, a silent beckon to continue. I continued to suck on the spot, the blood underneath rising to the surface. My brain was telling me to pull away, that I would leave a mark, but the undulations of Bella's body rolling against mine as I sucked on her neck secured my mouth to the spot and I couldn't stop. Her flesh was sweet, her lotion or something tasted like fruit, and I wanted to taste more. Bella gripped me even closer to her skin, inciting arousal as she moaned in satisfaction. The sound of her voice caused my semi-swollen dick to stir, expanding and straining against my zipper.

I could have sucked her neck for hours but Bella disengaged from my mouth, bringing her lips back to mine, licking at my mouth and begging for entrance. I brought her tongue inside, looping and rolling together as her hands trailed down my shoulders and chest and came to rest in my lap. She rubbed my dick with her hands, sending sparks throughout the energized matter and pulled away from my mouth.

She stared into my eyes now, rubbing and groping, her hair falling around her face and shoulders. She was breathing heavily, her chest heaving with every movement of her hands.

Bella moved her hands to unbutton my pants. This was kind of against the rules because technically Bella didn't have any pants on. I dropped my hands from her ass, the elastic lines of her panties grazing my fingers. I brought them to her sides instead, holding her small frame away from my body.

"No, let me do you. I mean, we can't let this skirt go to waste," I suggested, trying to give her a subtle hint. She ignored my request and continued unzipping my pants.

"Bella…" I moaned in protest.

"Please, Edward." She was fucking begging. I swear she knows that this gets me every time. I stopped protesting and let her pull down my pants and jockeys, freeing my dick and just feeling fucking glorious in all the attention. She grabbed it with both hands, massaging and rubbing the entire area, paying attention to every little detail of my groin. I groaned as she began to massage the tip, a slight bit of the fluid oozing from the opening. She used her thumb to smear the liquid and my hips convulsed involuntarily. I brought my hand to her shirt, pulling the neckline down to expose her breast. I fucking loved it that Bella never wore a bra, it was just so damn convenient. Kneading the flesh and twirling her hard nipple, I rolled my head back to lean against the back window, my hand moving into her shirt to pull her other nipple. Bella's hands felt so amazing, warm and soft yet persistent as all hell in their strokes. She knew what she was doing to me, coming up over the tip with her palm and then pulling down hard on the shaft. Utterly amazing.

I was just reveling in the surges of need pulsing throughout my veins when I felt Bella's wet tongue swirl around the tip of my dick. Holy sweet mother of God! Sparks shot through my skin at that moment igniting each cell beneath. My head whipped up and I gazed down at Bella's head in my lap, her hands wrapped around the length of my cock, her eyes gauging my reaction.

"Is this okay?" she asked. I don't know what kind of shock was plastered on my face, but it was enough to worry her.

"Yeah, I mean, you don't have to." Please. Please. Please. She didn't respond, her mouth hovering over the tip, her pink plump lips poised in fucking anticipation. Oh my God, she's trying to kill me. She spread her mouth into a sly smile and slipped my dick between those lips, her flesh finally connecting with mine in an initial moment of glorious euphoria. Bella's mouthed moved so incredibly slowly, her tongue searching every inch and crevice, her hands working in unison as she moved up and down.

She was still on her knees, her ass in the air. Desperate to feel her, I pushed my hand up her skirt between her legs, my hand gripping the back of her thigh. I grazed the crotch of her panties with my fingers and as Bella's tongue swirled around my tip again, I slid my fingers under the elastic to feel her wetness. Her position made things incredibly easy and I slid my fingers into her, pulling some of her slickness to rub into her clit. She groaned around my dick as I continued to press my fingers into her, matching her speed. Slow and torturous, the pressure was building and spiraling up my spine. I continued to force my fingers into her, feeling her swelling flesh warm and slick around me.

I brought my other hand to Bella's head, my hand pulling her hair to one side and I saw it, the dark brownish red mark on the curve of her neck. Fuck! I had left a bruise, a defilement on her perfect porcelain skin. I had done this to her, fucking bruised her, probably hurt her. Bile caught in my throat and I had to fight the urge to heave.

I pulled away, removing every connection, and then she was crawling into my lap, straddling me, her back against the steering wheel and her skirt hiked up around her hips. This was a very dangerous position, my dick pressing into her thigh, the only barrier a thin piece of cotton.

"Bella!" I gasped. I wanted this bad, wanted her to just fucking sit on my dick so I could finally fill her up completely. But the mark on her neck reminded me of my inability to keep control. I didn't know what that sensation would do to me, what it could trigger, if that would be the catalyst to set my bomb off.

"Edward, it's okay. Just go with it, it's just natural. I want this, you don't have to feel guilty. You're not taking advantage or anything." Bella was trying to guess the reason for my reluctance, giving the response for every excuse she could think of. She pressed into my dick with her pussy, rocking against me, and I could feel the heat and dampness through her panties.

I couldn't do this to her, not here. I couldn't defile her again. "Bella, not here, okay? Not in your truck at the drive-in. I mean, it's only our first date." As soon as the words were out of my mouth I knew she was going to interpret them in the wrong way.

She squinted her eyes, glaring at me now. Fuck.

"What do you mean by that? Are you insinuating I'm some kind of slut or something?" She was fucking pissed and now I could see that my choice of words was horrific. Even though I knew I was going to have to kiss a whole lot of ass to make up for this, I was slightly relieved, knowing she wouldn't press the sex issue any further. For now.

"Of course not. Bella, I'm just saying, not now, not here. I mean, your dad would kill me." I was trying to smooth over the situation which apparently was going to backfire completely.

"Fuck my dad, Edward! And what the hell are we waiting for? Don't you want me like that? Don't you want this?" She was yelling now, angry tears in her eyes. "You know what, forget it. I have to go pee. I'll be back in a minute. You might want to finish yourself off otherwise you're going to be pretty uncomfortable for the next couple of days." She slid off my lap while fixing her top, grabbed her shoes and exited the truck, slamming the door in the process.

Fucking shit! This is not what I had planned. I hastily pulled up my pants, pinning down my erection and grabbed the keys, following her to the concession stand and restroom. I stood outside the women's restroom waiting. I walked around the back of the building, pacing, trying to quell my desire to intrude on her in the restroom. My desire won over logic once again and I ducked inside the women's restroom searching the stalls for Bella. The last one was locked and I peeked underneath the stall looking for the ballerina slippers. Instead, I saw her green skirt swirled around the floor, the soles of her shoes peeking out from beneath the skirt. She was crying and spitting into the toilet.

I stood up, confused and panicked.

"Bella?" I asked, choking the words out.

"What are you doing in here?" she cried. I could hear the pain in her voice.

"Are you okay? Are you sick?" I wanted to see her face, look her in the eyes so I could see for myself.

"Yeah, Edward. I'm fucking sick," she said quietly, spitting out the words.

"Come out. I'll take you home." I put a hand on the door, waiting to touch her, soothe her discomfort.

She was silent a few more moments and I paced while I waited. Finally the door opened and Bella came out of the bathroom, her face tear-stained and sunken in, her eyes swollen and red. I pulled her into my arms, practically carrying her to her truck. "It's okay Bella. I'll take care of everything," I promised as I drove her home. I was intent on keeping that promise.

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A/N

Intense much? Anyone else need a drink and a cigarette? And maybe a nap?

And what is an appropriate amount of time for two horny and mentally unstable 17 year olds to wait before fucking? Just curious...

I just want to say thank you again for the Indie Twific goodness and the rec's and all the positive love...God, I'm being such a sap today.

Reviews are like drinks and cigarettes, so deliciously satisfying...