For the Summer - 1990

That Time I Wore a Bikini

1990

R.E.M. records their seventh album, "Out of Time."

The animated sitcom "The Simpsons " is aired on Fox for the first time.

Operation Desert Shield Begins as the United States and UK send troops to Kuwait.

…

“I just feel like I can be myself around you.  You know the real me,” Garrett murmurs over the receiver. 


“Uh-huh,” I say into the phone pressed between my ear and shoulder.  I flip to the last pages of my book and skim the end to see what happens.  I can’t stand reading through a whole book unless I’m going to like the ending.  Actually, I already know the ending.  Garrett made me go see The Hunt for Red October in theaters a couple months ago and suggested I read the book.  I wanted to see Pretty Woman, but we ro-sham-bo’d and I threw paper when I should have thrown rock.  I should have known better.  I always go with rock. 


“When we’re together, I just feel so connected to you.  Like there’s this electricity between us, something cosmic pulling us together,” he says in a hushed whisper and I roll my eyes.  Garrett’s really passionate but electricity?  I sound like a sock stuck to the back of his R.E.M. t-shirt or something.  Maybe I should suggest dryer sheets.


“Bella?  Are you there?  Did you hear what I said?”


“Huh?”  I ask, startling out of my Laundromat lament.


“I said, you should come over and we can drive out to the point.  And maybe get to a point ourselves, if you know what I mean,” he says in a low voice and I think he’s trying to be seductive.


I don’t know what he means.  Garrett has never ever gotten me to that point. 


After my conversation with Alice last summer, I started going out with Garrett.  We go to movies and out for ice cream.  We go for boat rides and I take pictures and Garrett talks about his classes.  We fool around and have pretty much done everything aside from seal the deal.  Bless his heart, but Garrett can’t get me off to save his life.


Luckily, I have become quite skilled in the area of self-service, thank you very much Cosmo.

I want Garrett to get me off, but I can’t relax when I’m with him.  My mind just won’t stop thinking.  I think about how all Garrett talks about is the government and money and the future.  I think about what I’m going to do with my life, how I feel like I’m swimming in circles, and how I hate working at the general store. I think about photography and how I’m going to get the money to pay for the developing chemicals.  I asked Mr. Banner if I could use the school’s enlarger once in a while, if I bring in my own materials and he said I could come in after classes got out but I have to do all the other developing at home.   I think about how I want to try something out with my old Polaroid camera or what would happen if I tried a new toning technique.  And I think about him.


I can’t get him out of my head, especially when I’m being touched there.  It’s like my crotch has some Edward memory sensor and no matter what I try, every time Garrett puts his hand in my pants, I see red. 
I don’t see how this problem can be fixed with sex.  I mean, really, why bother?  I’m not delusional in thinking this relationship with Garrett is going anywhere.  My heart’s just not in it.  He doesn’t expect too much, he doesn’t push for anything more than what I give and he doesn’t smother me with attention.  But I know this relationship isn’t ever going to get to the point. 


“Um, okay.  I’ll meet you in, like, twenty minutes,” I tell him and hang up. I change my clothes, putting on my favorite white eyelet camisole with my khaki shorts.  I comb my hair out of my face, pulling it back into a thick braid.  I even put on mascara and lip gloss before stepping out onto the porch, only to see the Cullen’s unit is all lit up.  They’re here.


I know it would be wrong to blow off Garrett for Edward.  I know this.  And yet I crave it. Oh God, I am so pathetic!  All I want is to run down to the swings to see if he’s there.  I have about five minutes.  I could take a peek and still make it to Garrett’s in time.  If I run.  And speed.


I take off, my sandaled feet slipping a couple times in the graveled dirt as I jet down to the marina.  I slow to a quick walk, my heart pounding in my chest and sweat saturating the back of my shirt.  I’m sure my face is beet red, and I wipe the sweat from my face with the back of my hand.  I can see him on the swings from the sidewalk.  He’s alone, swaying slowly on the old swing set and he looks too big for it, his long legs crossed in front of him.  He’s still in his Seattle clothes, polo, jean shorts and sneakers and he’s eating a rainbow sherbet Push-Up. 


He looks up mid-slurp and freezes when he sees me.  His eyes very obviously roam and I look down, thinking I’m exposing something I shouldn’t be.  But everything looks fine and I don’t know why he’s looking at me like that. 


“What are you looking at, creeper?” I ask with a smile and sit on the swing beside him.  He hands me a Big Otis and I look up at him.  Not only am I pathetic, but I’m also completely predictable.  Great.


“I almost thought you wouldn’t come and I’d have to eat that myself,” he says between slurps.  “I was almost looking forward to it.”


“The ice cream called to me,” I say, ripping the plastic wrapper and taking a big bite of the chocolate covered cookie sandwich.  “You look kind of creepy out here on the swings peddling ice cream to young girls.”


“What about you?  All dressed up and soliciting young boys on the playground.” Edward gently crashes his swing into mine, his lips pink and syrup stained.  “What’s wrong with your eyes?”


“It’s just mascara,” I say defensively.   


“I know, it’s all smeared.” His thumb wipes across my sweaty cheek and I try to pretend his fingers wiping mascara off my face is completely fine.


“Thanks,” I mutter through another big bite and he chuckles.  He finishes his ice cream and crumples the carton, and I see a somewhat familiar face saunter out of the general store.  Sticking out like a sore thumb and sporting a t-shirt with long black pants tucked into big black boots, and a flannel shirt tied around his waist is Jasper. 


“Hey beautiful,” Jasper says to me and I blush.  He unwraps a Blow Pop and puts the sucker in his mouth.  


“Man, that chick in there is one angry bitch.”


“Leah’s not a bitch.  She just has a low tolerance for bullshit.  Were you feeding her bullshit, Jasper?” I ask, sarcastically.  He doesn’t even know her and thinks he can just say something like that? 


“Of course not.  I was a perfect gentleman.” Jasper voice is low and smooth and I don’t believe him for one second.


“So, anyway, Bella, where are you off to all dressed up?” Edward asks, turning the carton over in his fingers. 


“Nowhere important,” I respond and lick the last of the chocolate from my fingers. 


…


“Please Leah?  Please?  I’ll work two weeks for you,” I plead and Leah just rolls her eyes.  I’m trying to get her to work all week for me.  Dr. Cullen rented a houseboat this year and Emmett and I were invited to spend the week with them.  It’s kind of a celebration for Rose’s college graduation.  She’s going to be a lawyer, which means she’s going back to school, but she completed the first degree or something. 


My brother is now fully entrenched in running the marina.  He’s given up on school and over the winter, persuaded my dad to get rid of the paddle boats and kayaks and to get some waverunners we could rent out instead.  Business has been kind of slow this year, it’s all anyone around here can talk about.  The Black’s even dropped their prices, and Jacob’s been looking for another job.  There just isn’t enough work for all the boys even with Jared away at college, and Embry moving to California.  Anyway, my dad is stressing over the large purchase.  Now, Emmett has to spend the summer pushing waverunner rentals to make up for the blunder.  It isn’t really Emmett’s fault, how was he supposed to know the economy was going to take a nose dive?


At any rate, he had persuaded Dr. Cullen to rent two of them along with the houseboat.  He plans on coming out to the cove for a couple days.  I really want to stay on the houseboat the whole week, like really, really bad.  My dad said no at first.  He told me I have to work, so I quit.  Yep, I looked my dad in the face and said, “I quit then.” And he laughed at me.  After a couple hours of yelling and screaming in which I used the “I’m eighteen, I can leave if I want” card half a dozen times, my dad said I could go if I could get Leah to cover my schedule.  He thinks this is impossible. 


Leah looks at me and purses her lips.  Now that Emily and Sam have their own place, Leah moved back home for good.  I don’t really know why she dropped out of school for sure, but her brother, Seth enlisted in the army after he graduated and I'm pretty sure this may have something to do with it.  She asked my dad if she can work in the store all year and he agreed.  I have to say, I am kind of happy she came back.  At least now, I’m not alone here all the time. 


“Alright, two weeks and,” I sigh, because I really, really hate doing this. “I’ll clean the restrooms for a month.”  It physically hurts to say the words. 


“Deal,” Leah grumbles and without thinking I throw my arms around her neck.  “Now, get outta here, your cheerfulness is damn near suffocating.”


A week later, I find myself lounging on the roof of the houseboat with Alice and Rose as Dr. Cullen looks for a cove.  Jasper and Edward circle us on waverunners, speeding off ahead and then circling back and waving at us.  The boys wear these baggy canvas shorts in the water, forgoing the swim trunks this year and I figure it must be a new style or something.  As predicted, Alice is wearing one of her stunning bikinis, this year it’s a pale purple paisley print.  Rose brings a black halter two piece and I bought a new swim suit a couple days ago just for this trip. 


I went shopping with my mom in Vegas and under the influence of parental pressure, I did something I never thought I’d ever do.  I tried on a bikini and I liked it.  Then, because I love putting myself in awkward situations, I bought it.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  Alright, that’s not exactly true, I know exactly what I was thinking and none of it was good.  I was thinking about last year and how all the girls looked fabulous in their two pieces and I looked like a complete frump.  I was thinking about how Edward liked Lauren and how she was so confident in her skimpy bathing suit and it made me angry that I couldn’t be confident too.  I was thinking about how the green of the suit matches the color of Edward’s eyes when we’re out on the water.  I’m not saying I didn’t have ulterior motives.  I’m just saying I bought the damn thing.


The only problem is my stomach is so incredibly white.  This skin has never seen the light of day and I kind of look ridiculous.  My arms and legs are golden brown and my stomach looks like I’ve been rolling in bleach.  In a couple of weeks it won’t even be noticeable but right now my belly shines like a beacon of pale.


“You’d better put on sunblock,” Edward had said when he first saw me in the small suit, the beaded strings tied at my hips, neck and back.  “You’re gonna fry to a crisp out here.” 

That was it.  That was the only reaction I got out of him.  He didn’t even look at my boobs, and I quickly hid under my tank-top, feeling like a fool for even thinking I could pull off a bikini.  Who am I kidding?  I don’t look confident in my suit, because I’m not confident in my new suit. 


Dr. Cullen finds a nice, large cove about twenty miles up the river and anchors the houseboat.  There’s more than enough sleeping space.  Alice, Rose and I camp out on the large couch that’s also a bed in the living room, the boys take the bunk beds in the bedroom and Dr. and Mrs. Cullen post up in the suite.  When I think about spending a whole week with Edward, I remember last year when Alice was freaking out about Jasper.  I get it now, the anticipation of it all.  Sleeping in cramped quarters, seeing him first thing in the morning with stinky breath and yes, the crusties all makes me a little nervous.  Not that it matters.  


Edward and I are just friends.   


We set up the cove and Emmett finds us in the afternoon. We take hikes and swim and Mrs. Cullen makes spaghetti and garlic bread with real garlic for dinner and it is the best spaghetti I’ve ever tasted.  We dine in the comfort of the air conditioned houseboat and I eat until I am stuffed and then we have ice cream sundaes for dessert.  Dr. and Mrs. Cullen retire to their suite at the end of the long, narrow hallway around nine and with a slide of their thin wooden door, we’re left to fend for ourselves.  Emmett and Rose make a beeline for the rooftop deck, and I make a mental note to not sit on any of the patio furniture up there without putting a towel down first. 


Edward in pajamas is just confusing.  The slinky basketball shorts and old ratty sleeveless Chicago Bulls jersey are like something in between his life in Seattle and his summers with me.  It’s just so much more personal to see him in pajamas, and I don’t know why.  I’ve seen Edward in far less clothing.  I’ve touched Edward in far less clothing but I notice everything about him in pajamas.  I notice how the sinewy muscles stretch tight lines around his biceps and shoulders.  I notice how when he shifts, his shirt creeps up and exposes his hip bones and the glorious indentions they make in his lower stomach.   I notice the fine hair on his legs, his calves well defined from years of playing sports.  Edward in pajamas is comfort and relaxed and it affects me in a whole new way.  Pajamas are everyday, no matter where he is.  Pajamas are routine.  Pajamas are almost real life. 


Once in the bathroom, I slip off my bikini and inspect the damage.  I poke at the skin of my stomach.  It’s a little bit tender, the pasty white just a tad pink and I’m glad I decided to wear my tank top.  I take a quick shower, wash my hair, and give my legs and underarms a quick shave, letting the hot water sting my slight sunburn.  I slather on some aloe vera lotion after toweling off and pull on my undies and cotton shorts.  I’m about to put on my t-shirt when I realize I forgot my bra at home.  Shit!  I hardly wear it, I spend every day in a swimsuit, so I’m not really surprised I totally disregarded needing it here.   I pull my shirt over my head and inspect.  It’s baggy enough, you can hardly tell.  I can probably get a bra from Alice, but then I realize this is stupid.  Who wears a bra to bed?  Don’t be such a prude, Bella.  They’re just boobs. 

Jasper’s leaning against the wall and a slow grin spreads across his lips as I duck out of the bathroom. 


“It’s all yours,” I mumble. 


“Thanks,” Jasper says with a smirk.  “Nice shirt, Wonder Woman.  But you forgot your gold bracelets.”


“Yeah,” I chuckle.  I guess I forgot a couple things. 


“You know, you kind of look like her.” His eyes don’t leave my face. 


“She’s an Amazon,” is the only thing I can think of to say.  Jasper’s mouth forms a wide Cheshire Cat grin and I spin around and leave him in the hallway.  That was weird, right?  That was just a weird conversation. 
I plop down on the couch next to Alice.  She’s sitting cross legged in these tiny little shorts and a tank top.  It’s obvious she’s not wearing a bra either and I kind of sigh in relief.  The plan is to watch the first two Godfather movies because apparently, they’re making a third. She has a huge bowl of popcorn beside her and there’s all kinds of candy spread out on the counter; licorice, abba zaba, jelly bellys, fun dips, pixie stix and sour patch kids.  Edward’s at the counter, pouring himself a Coke, still in his pajamas. 


“Really, I don’t know why they’re even making a third one.  It’s redundant, like beating a dead horse,” Edward says.  He looks up at me for an instant and then his eyes are gone.


“More like beating a dead horse’s head?” I chuckle.  Edward rolls his eyes at my corny joke and Alice snorts beside me but I don’t care.  I’m just trying to pretend that I don’t hate it that Edward can barely look at me.  He must not think pajamas are as big of a deal as I do.  He’s probably seen lots of girls in their pajamas.


He walks over to the couch, the spot currently occupied with popcorn, and motions for Alice to move the bowl.  Alice just stares at him, nudging her head in my direction and the meaning is obvious.  He doesn’t want to sit next to me.  I feel my stomach twist and I stare at him in disbelief.  He doesn’t want to sit next to me.  We’re supposed to be friends, we pinky promised.  Why doesn’t he want to sit next to me?

Just then Jasper comes out of the bathroom in his sweatpants and some band t-shirt and plops down next to me, like it’s no big deal.  Alice and I are both glaring at Edward now and he refuses to meet either of our stares.  He pushes play on the VCR and sits on the floor next to Alice’s feet and I feel like I want to kick him in the head.   


“Do you want a soda, Bella?” Alice asks me as the mournful theme sounds.  


“No thanks,” I mutter as she nudges me and gives me a look.  “Um, I think I’ll have a fun dip though,” I say, catching on and I start to get up from my seat so Alice can move over. 


Jasper thwarts all our plans though, because he beats me off the couch.  “I’ll get it, I’m gonna get a soda anyway.  You want anything else?  Alice, do you want a fun dip?”


“You have no idea,” Alice murmurs under her breath and I try not to laugh.  Jasper looks at her, confused and she just shakes her head no. 


Jasper pours himself a soda and grabs two fun dips off the counter and Alice gives me a look again.  I shrug, unsure as to what she wants me to do and I start to scoot over but she grabs my arm and shakes her head just as Jasper turns off the living room light and settles back in.  He grins at me in the glow of the television set, handing me the candy and I mutter thanks.


“Someday, and that day may never come, I’ll call upon you to do a service for me,” Jasper says into my ear, his hot breath in the cool air conditioned room causing the hairs on the back of my neck to prickle.  His lets his arm rest against my body, and his leg is pressed against mine.  Holy canoli!  Is Jasper hitting on me?
I look at Alice out of the corner of my eye.  Her eyes are set on the screen and I’m positive she heard him.  She’s upset, I can see it in the thin line of her pursed lips.   It’s the same face Leah makes whenever anyone mentions the Black’s boat storage place.


I rip open my fun dip, licking the sugar stick and dipping it into the sour powder and the moment the candy is on my tongue, my eyes shift to Edward.  I stare at the side of his face.  His sideburns are scruffy, his jaw covered in stubble.  The way the light is landing on his profile is utterly breathtaking.  I wish I had the nerve to get my camera and snap his photo.  God, Edward looks amazing in black and white. 


Suddenly, his profile disappears and his green eyes flood into mine.  I startle out of my stare and try to focus on the television.  I want to go to him.  I want to sit on the floor with him and let him grope me under my shirt in the darkness, and I hate myself because of it.  I don’t know why this is so hard, why my ache for Edward hasn’t subsided.  It’s always there, gnawing at me and I wonder if it will ever go away.  Edward’s so smart and beautiful and he has money, lots of money, and there’s no way someone like me could ever be his equal, not really.  Here we are the same, when he’s in his river clothes, when he needs me to find him coves or show him how to ski or ride a waverunner.  Here we balance.  I have nothing to offer him outside the marina.


“I need a drink.  Anyone else need anything while I’m up?”  Alice says as she stands up and moves into the kitchen.  The boys shake their heads but I follow her.  I pick up a piece of licorice and dip it into my fun dip, craving the sweets.   Alice pours me a Coke and I hesitate by the counter, drinking my soda and eating my licorice dipped in sour powder.  I’m completely keyed up between Jasper’s attention and Edward’s lack thereof.  Please, Alice, just sit next to Jasper.  Please take a fricking risk and sit next to him.


She doesn’t.  She sits in her same spot and I sigh.  Man, she is such a wuss.  There’s no way I’m sitting next to Jasper again, not after he breathed on my neck.  I grab one of the blankets and pillows from the huge pile that is to become our bed later and curl up on the floor.  I lay longways in front of the television with all three of them to my back. 


Somewhere around Sonny getting shot, I fall asleep.  When I wake up, the room is dark and Alice has crashed on the couch.  The boys are gone and I don’t see Rose so I imagine she’s still on the roof with my brother which makes me want to gag a little.  It’s very, very quiet in the dead night of the desert and I’m wide awake.  I start to think about Edward asleep in his room just feet from me.  I could sneak into his room.  I could climb into his bed.  I could touch him and let him touch me and I would be happy. 


And then he will leave at the end of the summer and I will be heartbroken.  I feel the twist in my belly and I can’t lay here anymore.  I kick off my blanket and walk into the kitchen.  Looking for confectionary comfort, I snag a licorice off the counter.  I chew on the red vine and open the freezer, pulling out the small tub of cookies and cream.  I almost feel bad for raiding the Cullen’s kitchen, but I need the sugar.  I need the distraction, I need something to steer my mind away from Edward and his pajamas.  Edward and his girlfriends.  Edward and his hip bones. 


I take a large spoon from the drawer and dig in to the cold creamy relief.  Jumping onto the counter, I drown my sorrows in the frozen treat in the pitch black dark of the kitchen. 


A tall silhouette stumbles into the living room, and I freeze mid-bite, pulling the spoon from my mouth silently as Edward scratches his head, his hair tangled and sticking up in odd places.  Rubbing his eyes, and still half asleep, he walks into the kitchen and opens the fridge.  He pulls out the orange juice and drinks straight from the carton.  He’s illuminated by the light of the fridge, a slim beam highlighting his chest and abdomen while his face remains shrouded in darkness.  I can faintly make out the lines of his jaw and neck, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows and I accidentally let my brain remember what his skin tastes like.  I crave it, the need so strong it almost pulls me from my hidden position. 


Instead, I stuff my face with ice cream, a big huge bite that almost makes me choke. Too much!   Sharp pangs pound behind my eyes and I squeeze my temples.  Brain freeze!  Oh God, it hurts!  I try not to cry out, and the spoon slips from my hand and clatters to the counter.  Edward startles, orange juice dribbling down his chin and spilling onto his shirt. 


“Bella?” Edward gasps. “Oh my God, you scared the shit out of me!”


“Fuck!” I squeeze my eyes shut. The brain freeze still clenches my head, and the single syllable is all I can get out.  Finally it passes and I’m able to function again.   


“What are you doing?” Edward asks as he wipes his mouth with the bottom of his shirt, exposing the planes of his sinewy stomach.  His fricking hip bones and the trail of hair between them shine in the small fluorescent light of the fridge.  Edward’s belly button might be the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.  I stare shamelessly, picking up my cold spoon and taking another bite, the ice cream sweet on my tongue.


“Ice cream?” I offer him the tub and he closes the fridge.  Surrounded in darkness now, he walks over to my knees and I inhale sharply as he places his hands on my thighs.  Goosebumps spread like wildfire across my legs and there’s a throbbing ache in my belly, in my chest, in my head.  He gently nudges my knees out of the way so he can get a spoon from the drawer and then his hands are gone.  I can barely see him, and he’s not even touching me anymore but I can feel him.  Warmth radiates off his body, the sound of his breathing pounding in my ears, his soapy smell slightly tinted with sweat from sleeping and the hum, God the hum of the thick energy between us vibrates.  


If Edward kisses me right now, I will not resist him.  I will kiss him back, I will wrap my legs around his fucking waist and I will never let go.  If he kisses me right now. 


He dips his spoon into the carton, his lips wrapping around the spoon and I’m practically drooling as I watch him lick the back of the utensil.  He grins at me, his knows what he’s doing and I’m a fool for letting him. 


“Are you trying to be sexy?  Because you’re failing miserably,” I say and Edward takes another bite.  He licks the spoon grotesquely now, closing his eyes and crudely pulling his lips over the metal.  I groan, using my foot to push him away.


“You’re so gross,” I laugh.  Edward chuckles and the easy comfort is back.  He leans against the counter beside me, his side pressed against my leg, his arm resting on my thigh as we take spoonfuls of ice cream. 


“How do you like college?” I ask Edward in between bites.  I haven’t had one minute to talk to him, every second occupied by our families and distractions.  There hasn’t been a second just for us.


“It’s okay,” Edward responds, shrugging his shoulders.  “Actually, I hate it.”


“You hate it?  Why?  I thought you liked school,” I ask confused.


“I never liked school.  I liked basketball, I liked partying, I liked my friends,” Edward mutters.  I’m pretty sure by friends he means the girl ones too.  “Luckily I still get to play ball, but college is like, I don’t know, work.  I listen to some old dude talk, and then I take a test.  It’s pretty much each man for himself.  I’m more of a physical learner, like hands-on, you know?  I can’t just sit and listen and then get it.  Do you know what I mean?”


“College isn’t for everyone.  Leah dropped out and moved back home.  My brother quit taking classes too,” I respond. 


“Yeah, but I’m not like your brother or Leah,” Edward says and I frown.  What the hell does he mean by that?  “I don’t have any other options.  I have to do well in school.  There’s no other choice for me, Bella.”


“Do you think Leah and my brother want to work in the marina forever?  And me, do you honestly think I want to be stuck in this place?  Do you think this is what I want for my life?  What are my options, Edward?  What choices do I have?” I ask him, trying to be quiet but I can’t help the tone of my voice.   He has every opportunity in the world and here he is whining about how he has no choices.


“You have choices.  You choose to ignore them,” Edward says quietly and suddenly, I don’t think this is about the marina or college anymore. 


“It’s more like the choices are ignoring me,” I snap and Edward turns his head to meet my eyes, his nose just inches from mine. 


“Well, you’re the one who wanted it this way,” Edward says in a low voice and I’m stunned.  I’m trying to find an argument, trying to find a way Edward isn’t right, but I can’t.  It’s true, this is what I wanted.  This is what I asked for.  But it makes me wonder if this is what Edward wants?  Does he want me as a part-time girlfriend?  Or does he want someone he can mess around with and then go back to his real life?


The sliding door opens and Rose creeps silently into the room.  We hear the roar of my dad’s boat and I know it’s Emmett heading back to the marina.  Edward turns his head, his arm leaves my leg as he puts his spoon in the sink.  Rose looks at us with dreamy eyes and I envy her.  How do they do it?  How can she be happy only seeing Emmett once a year, for only a couple months? 


If it were anyone else, I might be able to swing this.  If it were Garrett or Seth, I wouldn’t mind being a part-time girlfriend.  I don’t want Edward to be a summer fling.  I don’t want him to be part-time.  I want him always.  Maybe Rose and Emmett don’t feel this way, maybe this really is just a summer thing for them.  Maybe I’m just too immature because right now I feel like a five year old, stomping my feet and pouting because I can’t have what I want. 


Rose walks into the kitchen to get herself a glass of water and we all just kind of hover in the dark silence, the half eaten tub of ice cream turning to sugary soup in my hand.  Without another word, Edward leaves, heading back to his bed I guess and I slide down off the counter.  I put the melted mess back in the freezer and resume my spot on the floor, covering my head with the blanket so Rose won’t be tempted to ask me questions.  Edward’s words tumble in my head and I know there won’t be any more sleeping for me tonight.  Or this morning.  Whatever.


…


Edward and I don’t discuss our conversation.  We don’t really discuss much for the next couple days and we don’t meet for midnight snacks again either.  We take the waverunners back to the marina to gas up and then ride them all the way down to the dam.  Alice rides with Jasper, claiming there’s no way in hell she’s straddling her brother.  Edward lets me drive, his thighs pressed into my hips, his hands loosely gripping the sides of my vest, and his chin resting on my shoulder occasionally.  Emmett comes back every night and I bet my dad’s just pitching a fit.  I’m kind of glad I’m not home to witness the debacle.  He takes us on the boat for night rides a few times and he sneaks us wine coolers and beer from the marina.  Every night we watch movies or play Super Mario Bros on Edward’s gaming system.  We play cards and board games and Mrs. Cullen even makes us strawberry margaritas on the Fourth of July. 


Jasper’s flirting makes me uncomfortable.  I can’t tell if he’s just a naturally flirty person or if he’s really hitting on me.  I try to assess the way her treats the other girls and it seems he steers clear of Rose altogether.  He’s flirty with Alice.  He teases her, kicks sand on her when she unties her bikini straps to tan.  I guess he’s just friendly, and I’m relieved.  I don’t want to have any bad feelings with Alice.  She’s a good friend, even if I only get to see her once a year. 


I start to feel more comfortable in my bikini.  The other girls aren’t shy, even Mrs. Cullen wears a two piece this year and none of them feel the need to cover up, so why should I?  Sponging their confidence, I forgo the tank top and I have to admit, it’s much more comfortable without the weighted wet shirt all the time.  I’m paranoid about burning still and constantly apply lotion but despite my best efforts, by the fifth day on the water, I have a sunburn.  And it’s not even on my stomach.   In all my haste to protect my tummy, I forget about my back, and the pale strip of skin right above my ass normally covered by my one-piece is now bright red and stings like a son-of-a-bitch.  I rub aloe vera lotion into the sensitive skin after my shower but it’s going to blister and peel, I can tell. 


Everyone is sitting in the living room when I’m finished in the bathroom.  Emmett and Rose are cuddling on the couch and it bothers me I can’t see all their hands at all times.  Alice is seated next to them, cutting strips of paper into squares and Jasper’s stretched out on the carpet.    


“We’re playing the hat game.” Edward gives me a coy grin and hands me a pen.  I sit on the floor, my shirt annoyingly rubbing against my sunburned back.  I can feel it the heat pulsing and if I were at home, I’d put my swim suit top back on and just go shirtless.  Yeah, so not going to happen here.


“What’s the hat game?” I ask as Edward sits down next to me on the floor, his long legs stretched out in front of him as he leans back on his elbows.


“Everyone gets ten slips of paper.  You write down ten famous things, it can be people, songs, movies, places, whatever.  But they have to be well-known,” Alice says as she looks up from her scissors.  “There are two teams, and you have to try to get your team to guess what’s on the paper by using clues.  The key is to guess as many as possible in one minute.”


“But you can’t say shit like, “rhymes with”, or “sounds like”.  Like if the paper says “The Simpsons” you can’t say rhymes with blimpsons,” Edward interjects and I look at him blankly.


“Who are The Simpsons?” I ask and he laughs, giving me a playful shove to the side and I wince, my sunburn throbbing at the contact.  He looks at me, confused.


“Sunburn,” I say sheepishly.  He pulls up the back of my shirt to look at the burn and I swat at his hands.  “Edward!”


“Oh relax, it’s not like I haven’t seen your back before,” he murmurs, his hands still pulling at my shirt as my face flushes with heat, and I hold the fabric tightly in place over my chest.  “Nice one, Bella!  It’s already blistering.  Did you put lotion on it?”


“Of course,” I respond as he gently lays the shirt over the stinging skin. 


Alice hands us our slips of paper and for the next couple minutes the room in engulfed in contemplative thought.  I can hardly think of anything to write, my head still baffled by the unsolicited sunburn surveying.  I glance over at Edward, trying to see what he’s writing but he’s hiding his papers so I just scribble down the first names that come to my head.  How do you spell Labyrinth?


“Okay, teams,” Edward says and we all scribble our names on the slips.  Jasper gets up and collects the papers in his Frank Sinatra hat, his eyes electric as he grins and I have to admit, Jasper’s a little handsome, in a messy, disheveled rocker sort of way.  I think he’d be perfect for Alice.  I wish they’d just get their shit together and love each other already. 


Edward pulls me, Jasper and his own name from the hat.  The other team will be Rose, Emmett and Alice and I’m slightly nervous I’m going to suck at this game. 


“Wait!  We need drinkage,” Emmett says and the boys go out to get the beer from the cooler on my dad’s boat, setting the ice chest outside the slider on the deck.  Alice grabs us some wine coolers and the boys start with the beer and I’m definitely thinking this is a bad idea.  Beer and board games do not mix. 


We ro-sham-bo to see which team goes first and Alice’s scissors beats Edward’s paper.  I’m glad because this means I can watch a round before actually having to participate.  Alice goes first, standing in the middle of the living room, the hat perched on the television.  Edward uses the timer from the Yahtzee box to keep time and the moment he flips the plastic timer, the room is chaos. 


“Okay, Rose, she has a rock star alter ego, and she pushes the earring and there’s synergy and-”


“Jem!” Rose shouts and Alice makes a motion with her hands indicating there’s more.


“Full name,” Alice says.


“Jem and the Holograms,” Rose spits out and Alice tosses the slip of paper, choosing another one from the hat.


“This is a guy who sings a stupid song-”


“Really, Alice?  Could you be a bit more vague?” Emmett says dryly.


“Let me finish!  He stole the beat from Queen…” Alice adds.


“Vanilla Ice,” Emmett blurts.  Alice squeals and chooses the next name.


“She’s a dancer. Used to be a cheerleader for the Lakers,” Alice rushes.


“I know this!” Edward mumbles in my ear and I sigh.  I have no idea who she’s talking about.


Emmett and Rose look stumped and Alice grows more and more antsy.


“She’s small, um, shit!  Oh!  She has a video with a cartoon cat!”  Alice jumps up and down as Edward watches the time. 


“Oh crap, what’s her fucking name?” Rose says hitting the couch with her hand and Emmett just shrugs.  


“Um, Paula something…”


“Paula Abdul,” I say.  Edward and Jasper both glare at me and I clasp my hand over my mouth.  “Shit!  Sorry!”


Alice smiles and throws down the paper, taking another from the hat. 


“Okay, these are little blue creatures that-”


“Smurfs!” my brother shouts and Alice moves on to the next name.  She reads the slip, frowning before looking at her team. 


“Um, okay, this one’s hard. Um, the second word is a shape,” she says, shrugging her shoulders. 


“Circle, triangle, square…” Emmett rambles.


“Square!  Okay, I think it’s in India or Asia or somewhere?” She shakes her head clearly at a loss.


“Time!” Edward shouts and holds up the timer.  “Time’s up.”


“Who fucking wrote Tiananmen Square?” Alice says, crumpling the paper and throwing into the trash can in the kitchen. 


“What?  You should be ashamed of yourself for not knowing that one,” Rose gripes as Alice collects the papers from the floor.  “We got four.”


“Okay, Bella.  You’re up,” Jasper says with a wink and I down the rest of my pina colada.
Edward hands the timer to Alice and I stand up. 


“And…go,” Alice says and I pull a paper from the hat and it’s an easy one – Ghostbusters.


“Okay, um, it’s a movie with these scientists guys and there’s this green thing and slime and-”


“Ghostbusters!” Jasper shouts and I’m stunned.  He actually got it. 


“Go, go, next, next,” Edward says and I frantically toss the paper to the ground and fumble around in the hat for the next name.  NKOTB.  Shit, what the fuck is that.


“Um, I don’t know this one.  It’s an acronym, I think.


“NKOTB!” Jasper blurts out and again I stand there blinking.  It’s like he can read my mind or something.


“Next!” Edward says, his voice irritated and I pick another slip of paper.  Why is he so pissed?  He’s on our team!


“Okay, um, thank you for being a friend,” I sing.


“Golden Girls,” Jasper and Edward say at exactly the same time and they glare at each other.  I hesitantly grab the next paper, my body suddenly tense as Jasper and Edward face off. 


“Oh, I know this one!  He’s an alien and he eats cats,” I say.


“Alf!” Edward shouts and stares at Jasper pointedly.  I choose the next slip, trying to ignore Edward’s attitude. 


Legend of Zelda.  Oh hell.


“I don’t even know where to start.  The first word is like an old tale that might be true.”


“Legend of Zelda?” Jasper guesses and I just laugh.  How did he guess that? 


“You guys are fucking cheating!” Rose accuses just as Alice calls time. 


“We are not.  Bella and I just think alike.  We must have twin minds,” Jasper says, pulling me into a hug and kissing my cheek.  Okay, this is getting weird.  My eyes instantly move to Alice and she refuses to look at me. 


I sit down on the floor next to Edward and I can feel him fuming beside me.  He chugs his beer, crushing the can and shooting it into the trash can by the counter.  He misses. 


“I need a drink,” Alice mutters as she walks into the kitchen and grabs the tequila from the cabinet by the fridge.  She pours a round of shots, six tumblers on the counter splashed with alcohol and then she sets out a cup full of freshly cut lime wedges.  “Come on, everyone’s doing at least one.”


“Alice, I’m not drinking tequila.  You remember what happened last time,” Edward mutters, his eyes glancing at me a couple times.  I instantly wonder what happened last time. 


“Yes, you are.  Everyone’s fucking drinking tequila.  Now.” Alice says loudly. 


“Will you keep it down?  Our parents are going to hear you, dumbass,” Edward says and Alice rolls her eyes. 


“Whatever,” Alice mutters.  She holds up the glass and Jasper’s the first to take one. 


“I’m in,” Jasper shrugs and Alice’s eyes are like daggers.  Oh dear, this is gonna be bad.  Rose and Emmett mosey over to the counter and a reluctant Edward joins them.  Fucking peer pressure! 


“Fine,” I say, walking to the counter and picking up the glass.  I have no idea what I’m doing.  I watch Alice lick her wrist and shake the salt on her skin.  She licks the salt, downs the tequila and bites into a lime wedge in one swift, fluid motion.  I get the impression she’s well acquainted with Mr. Cuervo. 


The others follow suit.  They all grimace and groan, their faces contorted as they gag and the last thing I want to do now is drink this shit.  Edward stares at me, his teeth grinding together, his eyes sharp and narrow, and I’m pissed because I didn’t even do anything wrong.  He’s mad at me and I didn’t even do anything 


“What?” I snap.   


“Man up, Bella,” Edward says sarcastically, his eyes glassy and red. 


“Don’t you mean woman up?” I ask him in my best snotty voice and he snorts.  I don’t know what this laugh means, but it’s infuriating.  “You’re such an ass.”


Edward doesn’t say anything.  He grabs my wrist and licks my palm, his eyes on mine the whole time and I gasp.  Oh my God.  He just licked me.  Edward just fucking licked me and I’m torn between the burning in my thighs and the clenching of my fist.


He lazily covers my hand in salt and holds the palm to my face, still staring right through me.  He’s challenging me, he thinks I won’t do it and now he’s mocking me.  Well, he should know better than to challenge me. 



Maybe he does know better and this is his way of getting you to do what he wants.


Shut up, Bella, and lick your hand.


I lick the salt from my palm, and bring the cup to my lips, swallowing the tequila quickly and then Edward’s shoving a lime in my mouth, the citrus bringing relief to the burning in the back of my throat.  My face squishes up in disgust as I spit out the rind before sticking my tongue out at him in triumph. 


“See?  Easy as pie,” he says.  He drops my wrist and sits back down on the floor as the tequila seeps through my body. 


“New rules,” Alice says, throwing back another tumbler.  “Losing team of each round takes a shot.”


As the game progresses, the descriptions get more and more ridiculous.  Our memories start fading, and since I’m already so stupid when it comes to media shit, I rely on Jasper’s ability to read my mind.  His hands get more and more liberal.  He hugs me, he pushes and pinches and pokes and kisses my cheek half a dozen times.  Alice drinks every round and now the tequila is gone and she’s finishing off the wine coolers, but refuses to drink beer because it makes you fat.  Rose and Emmett keep groping each other and Edward glowers on the floor, his knees pulled up under his elbows and if I look, I can see right up the leg of his basketball shorts.  He’s not wearing any underwear.


It’s our turn and I squint, trying to read the words blurred onto the paper.  I giggle, trying to stand in one place, the room swaying as Alice turns the timer.  “Go fucker,” she barks and I erupt into giggles.


“Oh!  She’s on my shirt!” I point to my chest and Edward glares.  God, what the fuck is his problem?


“Wonder Woman,” Jasper says easily and I grab another strip, almost knocking the hat off the television set.


“Um, she’s…she’s like…like a virgin,” I giggle.


“Bella!  It’s you, right?” Emmett chokes out and they all burst into laughter. My face floods with heat, but I can’t tell if I’m embarrassed or if it’s just the tequila and then I decide it must be both. 


“No asshole, it’s not me,” I scowl at my brother.


“No it’s not you, or no you’re not like a virgin?” Edward says.  He’s been virtually silent this whole last round and we all turn to stare at him.


“Not your business, Mr. Mopey,” I say and make an exaggerated sad face. 


“Madonna!  Oh Jesus, gives us a fucking challenge, people!” Jasper replies and I pull the next slip.


“Oh!  Edward you know this one.  This is song number three on my Songs that Remind Bella of her Super Awesome Friend Edward mixtape,” I look at him expectantly and he just stares.  “You don’t remember?  Come on, I know you know this.”


“I don’t know, Bella,” Edward says through clenched teeth and I’ve about had it with his crappy attitude.  He’s lying.  I know he remembers.  He remembers everything. 


“Like ten seconds,” Alice says.


“The name of the song is another word for girl,” I grumble and Edward’s eyes don’t soften. 


“Lady!” Jasper shouts as Alice calls time and I’m caught in Edward’s hard stare.  I don’t even realize it when Jasper picks me up and spins me around.  I don’t even notice it when he grabs at my sunburned back, the sting lessened by the numbing alcohol coursing through my blood.  I don’t even notice when Jasper presses his lips to mine, giving me a full, hard, sloppy kiss that causes the room to freeze over. 


“What the fuck, Jasper?” I say after I finally realize to push him away.  I look for Edward and he’s gone, the back of his fiery hair disappearing down the hall.  Stupid, stupid Jasper! 


“What?  You’ve been coming on to me with me all week. I thought you liked me,” Jasper says and my eyes dart to Alice.  Her eyes are on her lap and I feel awful.  I need to fix this before it gets out of hand.
Oh wait, it already is out of hand.  It’s out of hand and flopping all over the place.


“No!  Alice, you should be with Alice,” I struggle with the words as I try to turn his attention to her.  The moment her eyes flash up to mine, I know I’ve made a horrible mistake.  I’m pretty sure if she could shoot laser beams out of her eyes, she would incinerate me right now.  Instead she just storms out of the room, locking herself in the bathroom.  Tears well in my eyes.  Oh God, what have I done? How am I going to make this better?


“Alice?  But I thought…” Jasper trails off and he looks dejected.  He looks down, turning away from me and walking out onto the deck.  I sigh, and look at my brother and Rose, who are just sitting there in stunned silence.


“Damn sis, maybe you shouldn’t drink,” Emmett says and I collapse on the couch.  I feel horrible for what I’ve said.  I’ve totally outed Alice, made Jasper look like a fool, and Edward, God!  I let his friend kiss me.  I was snotty to him and condescending and I let his friend kiss me, for Christ sake!  I have to go to him.  I have to apologize at least. 


I stumble down the hall and open his bedroom door.  “Edward?” I ask into the dark room and he doesn’t answer.  I step into the room and close the door behind me.  It’s totally black in the room and I realize I am in dire shape here.  I’m going to trip and break my neck for sure. 


“Edward, where are you?” I say quietly and I hear him sigh.   I hold my hands out in front of me, walking slowly through the dark room.  I trip over a duffle bag, knocking my knee into the wooden bed frame.


“Shit!” I exclaim and rub my knee furiously.  I hear Edward suppress a chuckle and I feel along the bottom bunk but it’s empty.   I feel along the top mattress but it’s too high so I use the frame as a guide and find the ladder.  I clumsily climb the ladder and feel along the bed, my hand running over the soft hair of his leg and the slinky material of his basketball shorts.  I slide my thumb in between my pointer and middle finger and use my thumb to pinch his leg. 


“Ow!  Bella!” Edward cries out, exasperated.


“Move over,” I say, climbing over his legs and squeezing between his warm body and the cold wall. 


 “You’re gonna push me off the bed,” Edward gripes and I feel the bed shift.  I use my hand to feel Edward’s face, his neck and shoulder and I run my hand along his chest.  I just want to be close to him.  I just want to feel him. 


“Bella, don’t,” Edward whispers and I ignore him. 


“You can’t tell me what to do,” I whisper back. 


“Oh, believe me, I wouldn’t think of telling you what to do,” Edward scoffs and I let my hand rest on his arm, pulling gently at the soft hair.


“I’m so sorry about Jasper, Edward.” 


“It wasn’t really your fault.  Jasper asked me about you on the ride here.  I told him to go for it,” Edward says.  “I knew he didn’t stand a chance.”


“You do know Alice has been in love with him forever, right?”


“I didn’t know that.  I thought she hated him.  She’s always so weird when he’s around,” Edward remarks.  We’re silent for a few minutes and I’m looking for a way to close the distance between us. 


 “Yes,” I say.


“Yes what?” he asks.


“Yes, I’m like a virgin,” I mumble.  “I’m kind of seeing this guy Garrett, although I’ll be surprised if I ever hear from him again.  I kind of blew off plans with him that night you guys got here.  And I forgot to tell him I would be gone all week.”


“That’s really shitty, Bella.”


“I know.” I pull up my shirt and let my sunburned back press against the cold wall. Oh, sweet relief!  “Anyway, I’ve pretty much done all that I can do with him and I really don’t want to sleep with him.   But I think he’s starting to expect it to happen soon.”


“Why don’t you want to sleep with him?” Edward asks, his hand finally reaching out for me.  I feel his fingers graze my stomach and I close my eyes, memorizing the way his fingers feel on my skin.  God, nothing feels as good as Edward on my skin, nothing. 


“I don’t know.  He reads Tom Clancy novels,” I giggle and I feel Edward shift, his legs rubbing against mine.  Oh, thank God I shaved.


“I’ve had sex three times and all three times I barely remember,” he says, his breath warm on my face. He smells like beer and tequila and if I wonder if he tastes the same.  The thought of kissing Edward is almost enough to distract me from the fact that there are three girls out there now that know Edward in a way that I don’t.Almost. 


I inch closer, my hand resting on his chest.  “Who were they?” I ask, because once again, I must hate myself.  “What were they like?”


“Um, well, you know Lauren,” Edward starts, his fingers tracing figure eights around my belly button.  “And there was this other girl from school, Kate.  She reeked of weed.  And then there was the girl at a party, she was really tall, and had these huge teeth.  I don’t even remember her name,” Edward says as he moves closer, his chest pressed against mine now, his hand lightly resting on my hip.  My heart feels like it’s going to thump right out of my chest, and I know he can feel it pounding.  “They don’t mean anything to me.  They just satisfied an itch.”


“That doesn’t sound very satisfying,” I say, my lips now grazing his neck as I whisper. 


“It wasn’t,” he whispers back, his lips moving against my forehead. 


His hand slides across the sunburned skin of my back and I cringe away from his hand. There isn’t a shred of space between us and I can feel all of him, every inch flush against me.


 “Sorry,” he murmurs against my skin, his hand skimming up my spine and settling in the middle of my back and I’m starting to get sleepy, the alcohol making my limbs heavy.  I yawn, snuggling into Edward’s chest, and breathing him in.


It is very, very satisfying.


I wake up in the morning before he does, and I don’t think we moved all night.  This might be the most comfortable I’ve ever been, lying here with my sunburned back pressed against the air conditioned wall, Edward’s hot breath in my hair, and his arm draped across my middle.  The early morning light streams in through the window and everything seems different now.  In the dark, I felt protected.  It was easy to tell Edward all that stuff about Garrett, and it was easy to hear about those girls he screwed.  It was easy to let him hold me but, now, in the light, everything seems more complicated.


I’m so conflicted.  I want Edward.  I want him so bad it hurts to breathe when I think of him going back to Seattle and fucking other people.  What if I can have him part-time?  Is part-time better than not at all?  Even this cuddling is better than not at all.  We could write each other, we could maybe talk on the phone.  It could almost be the same. 


But what if things change?  What if next year, he comes back a different person?  And can I really see a future where Edward comes to live in the marina forever?  Can I ask him to give up everything and leave his world behind?  I refuse to ask that of him.  If he made the choice, it would be different, but I won’t ask him to sacrifice anything for me. 


I want to stay here forever, tangled with Edward on the top bunk but I need to pee so I gently try to move his arm.  He stirs, tightening his grip on me and I don’t even try to fight him. 


“No,” he mumbles.  “Too comfortable.”


I grin into his t-shirt, inhaling his soapy smell tinged with beer and tequila when everything that happened last night comes flooding back to me.  I groan, a gnawing grumble in my belly.


“What?” Edward asks lazily.


“Alice.  She hates me.  I kinda, maybe said something to Jasper.  About her.  About how he should be with her.  And now she’s going to be mad at me, huh?” I ask into his shirt so as not to assault him with tequila morning breath.


“Probably.  I’d be mad at you,” Edward says and I’m trying to wiggle out of his clutches, when I feel him hard against my leg.   


“Do you have a boner?” I ask him, exacerbated and he laughs.  “Jesus, Edward!”


“What?  I can’t control it!  What do you expect?  That’s like being mad at me for farting,” he chuckles, finally letting me loose. 


“Oh God,” I mumble and try to hide my smile as I crawl over his legs and down the ladder.  Jasper’s bed is still empty.  I step silently into the hall, creeping into the bathroom so I can pee and brush my teeth.  Once finished, I walk into the living room and my brother and Rose are asleep on the couch.  Still no sign of Alice or Jasper and I’m afraid of what I will find if I go looking so I start cleaning the kitchen, unsure as to what I should do with all the empty bottles and cans.  I throw them in my brother’s cooler, letting the trash float in the melted ice and quickly rinse all the glasses and wipe down the counters. 


Edward ventures into the living room, and his pajamas look especially nice after spending the night cuddled up to them and he smiles shyly.  God, he’s so adorable.  He helps me clean up, gathering up all the slips of paper and dumping them in the trash.  I wake up Emmett because it’s well past dawn and he’s probably going to be in big trouble once he gets back to the marina.  Plus, he needs to get that cooler out of here.  He and Edward carry the cooler of trash to my dad’s boat while I finish cleaning the kitchen.  I hear the boat roar to life and take off down the river just as a stunned Edward walks back in through the slider.


“You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” I laugh and Edward sits down at one of the barstools by the counter.


“Worse.  I just saw Jasper’s naked white ass.  On top of my sister,” Edward shudders.  “I’m scarred for life.”


“Maybe she won’t be too angry with me after all,” I grin.


As it turns out, Alice forgets to be mad at me.  She’s too busy sucking face and groping Jasper to be angry.  It’s downright revolting.  If this is what happens when you start having sex, I’m going to stay a virgin forever.  I can hardly look them in the eye on the rare occasion I get to hang out with the Cullens.  After working my two weeks straight for Leah and then resuming my normal shift, I rarely get to see them.  Edward comes into the store at least once a day to buy an ice cream and we sit on the swings and talk during my breaks.  We don’t cuddle again, we don’t talk about it, but I call Garrett as soon as I get home and break things off with him completely.  Edward and I resume our normal friendship but I still wonder if Edward would want to be my quasi-serious, part-time boyfriend.


When the storm season starts to roll in the Cullens start to pack up.  I know they’re leaving when Edward shows up at the store with a brown paper bag.  He’s wearing a plaid button up shirt over his white tee and I’m so glad he didn’t wear a polo.  Leah takes her smoke break when she sees him come in. 


Edward hands me the bag and I pull out a thick gray sweatshirt, the word Washington across the front and underneath the purple and gold lettering is a dog, a husky.  My fingers graze over the embroidered letters as Edward explains.


“It’s from my school,” he says, scratching the peeling skin from his nose and I smile. 


“There aren’t a lot of opportunities for me to wear a sweatshirt around here,” I murmur, putting the soft cotton against my face.


“Then you’ll just have to fly out to Seattle,” Edward says quietly.  “Seriously, you should come visit me. You’d love it.  The forests are full of stuff you can take pictures of.”


“I can’t afford a plane ticket to Seattle, Edward,” I say, feeling the familiar sob in my chest and it seems as if my body knows it’s supposed to be sad. 


“I know and your dad probably won’t let you leave,” he says.


“No, my dad won’t let me leave,” I repeat and something about this statement resonates in my chest and I’m crying, the tears spilling over onto the soft cotton sweatshirt.


“Well, in case anything ever changes, now you at least have something you can wear,” Edward says.  He wraps his arms around me and I smother myself in his shirt.  I inhale, committing his smell, his touch, his voice to memory as he kisses my forehead. 


“Bye, Bella.  I’ll see you next summer.”
...

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a/n So, I'm posting early...Why, you might ask. Well I'll tell you, I'm just so fucking excited that the LAKERS are now the NBA CHAMPS! WOOOOHOOOO! 




And also because I'm in love with you.


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I've joined the Fandom Gives Back soirée and there are now TWO EPOV outtakes up for auction.


Link to Team Summerward is on my profile. Thank you ilsuocantante for your divine organizational skills! Love you long time!


Beta SubtlePen and prereader Miztrezboo, I love you madly. Thank you so much for your help, my darlings!