For the Summer - 1985

That Time Aunt Flow Came to Visit

1985

The Goonies is released in theaters June 7th.

Michael Jordan is named NBA Rookie of the Year.

Pat Benatar is nominated for two Grammy's for best Pop and Rock Performances.

…

Fourth of July. I snap a few pictures with my camera, a birthday present from my father last year. I like to take pictures of the red sun-stained mountains across the river, they're tall and reflect off the rippling water and look like they're on fire. The sun is beginning to set, finally some relief from the blazing heat, and the sky is streaked with color.

There's still no Edward. I am beginning to get anxious. Dr. Cullen reserved his spot last year, space 207. I know because I've asked my dad three times this week if there's any news, but each time my dad said no.

The last time I saw Edward he cried because I had to leave to visit my mom. We fought. I was angry and hurt and confused. It seems like an eternity ago that we argued by the pool and I called him a jerk and he left me a birthday present. I have thought about him every day, regretting how I hadn't said goodbye, and now I couldn't wait until he got here so I could say sorry.

"It's already paid for, Bella. I'm sure they'll be here soon. Maybe something came up. Plans change, honey." I know. People do too. I know my dad is trying to make me feel better but this makes me feel worse, because now I'm thinking of all the bad things that could have happened. Why hasn't he shown up yet?

But not once do I anticipate what I find when Dr. Cullen finally parks his motorhome in spot 207.

I'm working the gas pump again this year, but now I'm on my own. Activity has died down a bit and I'm sitting on the dock with my feet dangling over the edge when Emmett runs out to get me. He's been working in the office. Dad's training him to take over the books, checking reservations and stuff like that. Dr. Cullen is checking in. Emmett knows I've been waiting for Edward to show.

I smooth the hair from my face back into my braid before jogging to the site. I walk right up to the motorhome, sweaty and out of breath, but before I can knock, the side door opens and a girl steps out into the sun. I freeze, confused. Do I have the wrong spot? I look at the wooden post beside the trailer and there it's etched, plain as day, the number 207.

She shields her eyes with her hand as she looks at me, her lips pursed. Her face is very thin and pretty and she has round blue eyes that appear too large for her face and a sharp pointy nose. Her hair is cut in a short shag and it's dark, like the moonless night sky when we're out on the water at midnight. She's wearing a torn red t-shirt over a tight yellow tank top, and she's wearing black stretchy leggings tucked into black boots that are going to get hotter than Hades in a couple of minutes. And the makeup, oh holy Hannah the makeup! Her lids are lined dark and thick and make her already large eyes look like they're popping right out of her head. I've never worn makeup. My mom's given me lip gloss and nail polish, stuff like that, but it's just useless when you have to keep jumping in the water to cool off.

There's another girl behind her in the door frame, she's older and serious. Her honey colored hair is clipped out of her face, showing off the same pointy turned-up nose and the same round eyes and milky skin. She's completely plain, wearing a pair of long khaki shorts and a beige cotton blouse that buttons down the middle and has a collar. She wears glasses, small gold wire rims around her eyes. She stretches her arms over her head, a large novel in her hand, and yawns, pushing the glasses up off the bridge of her nose. Her eyelashes are long and coarse and look like paintbrushes. They look alike, they might be sisters or cousins or something, but they are opposite ends of the spectrum. The dark and the light. The small and the tall. The primped and the prude.

"Hey, you're Bella!" the small one says, and I nod, even more confused now as to who these girls could be. How the hell does she know who I am? The blonde looks in my direction. Her lips are full and bright pink and the sun glints off her braces as she grins widely.

"I'm Rose, and this is my sister, Alice. We're Edward's stepsisters," the tall one speaks in a pleasant matter-of-fact voice as if she's informing a terminally ill patient or something, like being associated with Edward is a life sentence.

"He talked about you the whole way here," the small one chimes, her voice jeweled and crisp. Just as my mouth is dropping open, Edward bounds out the door, his slip-on Vans hitting the gravely dirt with a thud, and a cloud of dust rises around his legs.

He looks up, his hair hanging in his eyes. It's long and messy, and it looks less like fire. He's taller than me for sure, his shoulders wider under his t-shirt, and just all around bigger than I remember him. He's wearing new swim trunks and he looks like Edward still, but I feel like I don't know him at all. And these girls, they know my name, he was talking about me with them, but I'm the one left out, I'm the one in the dark. I don't like this. I don't like this one bit.

"Is it always this hot here?" Alice asks as she moves in between the trailers trying to find shade. Shade doesn't really help all that much when it's a hundred and twenty degrees. Rose flops down at the picnic table and cracks open her book, crossing her legs and holding the book up to block her face. I get the impression she doesn't really want to be here.

"Sometimes hotter," I murmur as Edward flashes me a big silly grin. His eyes squint as he walks over to me and I feel my stomach drop as he approaches. I can't smile back, I'm still too weirded out by what is going on to think about how much I missed him and how I am just relieved that he's finally here and that I can be close to him. Close, like in the same room, not like with him, like touching or anything. I don't like him like that.

At least, I don't think so.

He slides his hand through his hair and I notice the green of his eyes is bright under the intense rays of the sun and his nose is covered in faint freckles. My heart is starting to thump in my ears and I have to make an effort to inhale deeply just to breathe. Why does he have this effect on me?

"Hi Bella," his voice cracks, and I smile now, this little imperfection letting me relax and reminding me that this is just Edward, my goofy friend Edward. I was going to apologize for how I acted last summer, but I guess it's not needed. He's forgotten, it seems, the time away letting him get over his anger with me. He's not angry now. His lips are pulled into a grin and I have to look up at him as he gets closer in order to meet his eyes.

"What took you so long?" I ask with my hands on my hips as the words fall out of my mouth. I want to jump up and down, I'm so thrilled he's finally here, but I'm afraid of looking like a crazy person. I try to act casual, which means I end up sounding snotty. I can't even control it. It's like my attitude has a mind of its own, like that movie about that old red car that takes over and kills people. No matter what I do to wipe it out, it just keeps coming back.

"My dad got married again. His wife, Esme, had to work. She's a teacher. She had to teach a session of summer school this year. She already agreed to do it before she married my dad," Edward says quietly, and his voice puckers with bitterness. I guess the marriage is a recent development. "I wanted to come down early and have the girls meet us down here, but Dad shit on that idea real quick. I've been dying to get down here."

Edward's eyes look down at me through his hair again, and I swear my stomach turns to goo. Why does he keep looking at me like that?

"Stop doing that," I tell him, my face scrunched up into a scowl.

"Stop doing what?" he asks defensively, his face moving closer to mine as his fingers run through his hair again, and I wrinkle my nose.

"Stop looking at me," I say as I playfully push him, but he stumbles backward a little too dramatically. Oh geez, I didn't even push him that hard.

"You want me to stop looking at you?" he snorts. "What am I supposed to do, close my eyes and pretend you don't exist?"

"No, I don't want you to stop looking at me," I try to clarify, my face flushing, I'm sure, because now it sounds like I want him to look at me. "Just stop that looking through your hair thing, it's weird. And kinda creepy."

Edward is about to argue when he stops and sighs. His eyes are fixed on something behind me and I turn to find my brother walking up the path with Dr. Cullen and what I can only assume is his new wife. She walks beside him, her arm linked in his, her yellow sundress bright and welcoming as it curves around her legs as she walks. Her hair is the same honey color as the tall girl, Rose, but I can see a few faint streaks of peppery gray running their course, and I think of my own mother. My mom doesn't have gray hair because she gets her hair colored every two weeks. I like this curvy lady with the gray hairs and yellow dress.

"That's her," I hear Edward mutter into my ear, his breath hot on my neck. Tiny goosebumps spread out all over my arms and legs and tingle on my scalp.

My brother is already working his charm on the new Mrs. Cullen. He's going to be seventeen in November, and a junior in high school. He wants enroll at the University of Las Vegas after graduation, but both Mom and Dad have told him it's basically a no-go unless he can find a scholarship or financial aid. He's pretty insistent on going, though, and says he wants to major in finance or management or something so he can take over the business. My Dad keeps claiming that college isn't necessary; he already has the establishment, all he has to do is teach Emmett how to run it.

But honestly, I think Emmett just wants out of here. He's always fighting with Dad and I think if Emmett got the chance to leave, he'd never come back, and Dad knows. That's why he doesn't want Emmett to go away for school.

"Girls! Come meet this kid, he's hilarious!" Mrs. Cullen shouts from across the campsite. The tall one, Rose, rolls her eyes and hides her face, but the small one runs her hands through her hair and quickly hurries to meet my brother. "See girls, I told you this was going to be fun."

"Fun for a bunch of mouth-breathers maybe," I hear Rose mutter under her breath.

Dr. Cullen walks over to us and gently puts his hand on my shoulder with a soft smile. His hair is perfectly placed, his eyes twinkling blue, and his face is creased with laugh lines and eye wrinkles. "Hi there, Bella. You're shooting up like a weed, aren't you?" he remarks, and Edward glances at me apologetically.

"I guess so," I reply with a shrug. I guess I did get a little taller, but not really anything anyone would notice, unless he knows. Oh my God, can he tell? He is a doctor, but I didn't think that was something you could tell just by looking at a person.

Oh no, can Edward tell? Is that why he keeps looking at me through his hair like that? Oh God, I feel like I'm going to be sick.

This past October, just after my thirteenth birthday, one of my ovaries released an egg into my fallopian tube for the first time and I shed my uterine lining. That is exactly how my mom explained it to me. I gagged a little. The words are just so weird, uterus, fallopian, vulva, it all sounds like plant matter from some alien planet. All I could visualize when she was explaining it to me was that part in Alien when the pod opens up and the face-hugger jumps out all slimy and attaches itself to the guys face. And now once a month I get a pain in my gut and I feel like I've been kicked in the crotch and I bleed for days. Leah calls it Aunt Flow. I'm so glad Leah still works in the store. She doesn't glare at me or laugh when I have to buy maxi-pads. She just puts them in a paper bag and smiles sympathetically.

No, they can't tell. There's no way. Someone would have told me, right? Leah or Emily, or my mom would have told me something like that.

"She's not a weed, Dad," Edward snaps, and Dr. Cullen chuckles as he shakes my shoulder with his buoyant laugh. He sure seems happy, and I'm glad. Maybe this Mrs. Cullen can be a good mother for Edward.

"Esme, honey, come meet Bella, Emmett's sister." Dr. Cullen calls his wife over and Esme greets me by extending her small hand, her delicate wrist draped with a sparkling diamond bracelet. I clasp her hand in mine, Edward's friendship bracelet still tied to my wrist, and he notices as I shake her hand, his eyes on our outstretched hands. I see his face brighten.

"Nice to meet you, Bella," Mrs. Cullen says in a calm, gentle voice. "Did you meet my girls? They're about your age." I nod, and she drops my hand to put her arm around Edward's shoulder. He's obviously uncomfortable by the contact.

"This is going to be a great summer!" Mrs. Cullen squeals cheerfully. I smile, partially at her words but mostly at the uncomfortable look on Edward's face as he rolls his eyes and runs his fingers through his messy hair, but I have to agree.

This is going to be a great summer.

…

"God, will you just shut up!" Jacob yells at Alice who is seated in front of him, and I turn around to sneakily grin at Edward behind me. I know Jacob only insisted on riding in Alice's kayak because he likes her hot pink bikini. I'd bet a million dollars Jacob is hoping her top falls off. Jacob didn't consider the fact that Alice talks. A lot. I don't think she's stopped asking questions since we set out in the kayaks this morning.

"What? I'm just curious, I thought you knew everything there is to know about this place," Alice defends herself and refuses to paddle when Jacob starts verbally attacking her.

"Watch the wake!" Emmett yells from the kayak beside us, and I dig the paddle into the wave made by a speedboat that just zoomed past us. Emmett shares a kayak with Rose and he uses the paddle to steady the rocking while she clutches the sides of the small slender boat which is dangerously close to tipping, and her face is almost as red as her polka dot swimsuit.

"You do know what you're doing, correct?" Rose yelps, but Emmett just laughs. Emmett knows how to handle a boat better than anyone I know. It doesn't matter which kind of watercraft it is, he was born to navigate.

"He laughs, we're about to capsize and he laughs," Rose says, and I giggle because the thought of Emmett capsizing is just silly. The water isn't even that rough. It's early August, probably the hottest time of the year here. The temperatures reach in the 120's and there isn't a breath of wind to save your life. In about two weeks everything will change; the clouds will roll in and the water will get rough, the wind will blow and the storms will come, all signaling the end of the season. And Edward and his family will leave, another summer gone.

But for now they are here and Emmett and I spend every day we can with Edward and his stepsisters. They aren't so bad, Alice and Rose. Rose is quiet mostly, save for a sarcastic quip once in a while. Alice doesn't shut up. She gets along fabulously with Emily, and the girls spend their time lounging by the pool or on the sand of the private beach, reading magazines and talking about music and fashion, stuff that really just doesn't interest me much. Instead, I take pictures with my camera. I click photos of the marina and the boats on the launch ramp. I snap shots of the fish under the bridge at the dock and the Arizona lupines that grow in front of the motel, their deep purple stalks fading as the month passes. Edward's skin goes from fair to red to brown as it absorbs the sun, his nose begins to peel and I know the end is getting close. His shoulders are freckled and splotched with color now, and he wears his shirt even in the water to protect against the rays of the sun.

We paddle along the south side of the river, the side that borders Arizona. If you cross the river you're in Nevada and there's another little marina about twenty miles downstream. Further south, down the river, there's Katherine's Landing, Davis Dam, and then Laughlin below the dam. Along the sixty mile stretch of river, there are arms and coves that spiral back into the red rocks and dirt-covered hills. We're looking for this cove we always go to as we paddle along the tall rocks rising out of the water, a wall of multicolored layers towering over us as we maneuver upstream.

"Where is this cove? What did you guys call it?" Edward asks from behind me, leaning forward to speak lowly into my ear.

I turn slightly. Edward's face is disturbingly close to mine as he breaks from paddling now that the rough water is behind us.

"Donkey cove," I say quickly as I use my paddle to steer, and Edward follows my lead, picking up his paddle and dipping it into the water. "There's this little outlet and the herds of donkeys come down the hill to drink from the river. They're really tame because people always feed them hotdogs and chips and stuff. I even got to pet one once. But don't stand behind them. They'll kick you right in the sack."

"Oh damn, warning received and noted," Edward cringes, and I laugh. "Maybe we can get Jacob to stand behind one and then pull its ear or something so it'll kick him in the nuts. Then I won't have to."

"There!" Emmett points to the rock cliffs which open up suddenly to an offshoot of the main river. The water is quiet and smooth like glass and our kayaks cut across the surface easily. We paddle around the bend and to the shore of the wide semicircle beach. This cove is great because it's well sheltered against any wind that might pick up and it's hidden from the main river. You wouldn't even know this beach was back here unless you knew where to look.

"Whoa," Edward mutters, and I smile, glad I could show him something cool while he's here this year.

Emmett jumps into the water and pulls his boat ashore. He takes Rose's hand to help her out, and she uses his shoulder to brace herself before hopping out of the kayak. Emmett pulls the plastic shopping bag holding their shoes from the floor of the boat and hands it to her as he wades into the water to grab our kayak. Edward jumps out to help but it's a little too soon and the water is still too deep. He sinks to the bottom and surfaces with a splash, a big grin on his face, and laughing at his mistake.

"Watch your step there, newbie," I say before jumping from the boat myself. I land in the shallow water and it's a relief from the overbearing sun. I help pull the kayak to the shore and grab our plastic bags as well. I'm going to need my hat, the top of my head sensitive from a sunburned scalp right between my two French braids.

"You're a Bulls fan?" Edward asks as I pull the baseball cap over my head.

"I don't know." I shrug, "It's my dad's hat. Who are the Bulls?"

"The Chicago Bulls. They're my favorite basketball team. They drafted this player, Michael Jordan, who won Rookie of the Year. He's going to revolutionize basketball, you just watch," Edward says excitedly. I recognize the player's name. I think my dad's mentioned him once or twice. "You should just give me that hat. You really can't appreciate it."

"No way! Get your own hat," I tease. I pull my sunblock from the bag and slather it on my arms, chest and face before pulling my t-shirt over my shoulders. I toss the sunblock to Edward and he gives me a dirty look, but it's really important to take care of your skin out here. People have gone out in the desert and disappeared, passing out from heat exhaustion or dehydration. It's one of the first things I learned as a kid, cover up and drink lots of water.

He peels the wet shirt from his skin and shakes out his wet hair, slicking it back with his fingers, and I quickly look away before I can think about how this makes me feel like my knees are jello and my heart is trapped in my ribcage.

"Got a thing for the pale faces, Bella?" Jacob remarks as he pulls his kayak up to the shore with ease. Alice hops out, her eyes on me the whole time, and I want to sock Jacob in the face for his comment, especially because of the way Alice is looking at me.

The girls lay down on their towels on the sandy beach. The water is quietly lapping at the shore and it's obvious they aren't going to be up for hiking. Rose lies on her back, her eyes closed and her knees bent, and Emmett sits down on Alice's towel. She laughs at all his jokes and asks him a dozen questions and pretends everything he says is the most interesting thing she's ever heard.

"So, why do they call this Donkey Cove again?" Alice asks as she leans back on her elbows and crosses her legs, her bathing suit clinging for dear life. I don't think my dad would let me wear a bathing suit like that, and Alice is only a year older than I am.

"Well, there's these animals, called Donkeys, and they live around here," Emmett says with a dimpled grin, and Alice laughs and smacks his bare shoulder. I hear Rose scoff as she rolls over onto her stomach and burrows her face in her crossed arms.

"So where'd you learn to paddle a kayak like that?" Alice asks him, and I can't take it anymore. I slip on my shoes, my feet now gritty, and Edward pulls his wet shirt back over his head.

"Let's go for a hike," I say to Edward, and he nods and grabs his shoes.

"Anyone else want to come?" I look around, not really wanting to extend the invitation but not wanting to be rude either.

"I'm in," Jacob says. "These guys are boring as all hell." I want to tell him no, but he's already marching up the hill, his shirt tucked into the back pocket of his denim shorts, the brown skin of his back and shoulders tinted red. Jacob would be okay to look at if he'd just keep his stupid mouth shut.

"So do you like him now or whatever?" Edward asks quietly beside me, and my face burns pink. Oh, God, he saw me staring at Jacob. I am mortified. My mouth gapes open and I turn to look at him in horror.

"No…ugh, barf…no way! The opposite, actually." I shake my head, embarrassed that Edward thinks I like Jacob. Jacob is like my nemesis. He goes out of his way to make me feel bad. I would never in a million years like him.

"Do you like anyone else?" Edward asks, and I shrug my shoulders.

"Sure, I like lots of people." I climb the rock-ridden path, the gravel making the climb a little slippery and unstable. The air tastes like dirt as I use my hands to steady myself up the steep hill. I've climbed this hill so many times, I know exactly where to place my feet. Jacob is already at the top looking down on us with a sneer.

"Come on, losers! I'm gonna sweat to death by the time you get up here!" Jacob yells.

"That's the plan," Edward mutters under his breath, and I laugh loudly, my voice echoing off the sides of the mountains.

"What? What's the joke?" Jake demands as we reach the summit, the large flat span of dirt, rocks and shrubbery before us. There's nothing but desert up here, hot, dry, dusty desert.

"Really? Do you really want me to answer that?" Edward asks him as he pushes his way to the front of the path.

"You sure you don't want me to go first? This place is crawling with rattlers," Jacob announces, and Edward looks back and scoffs.

"They're rattlesnakes. Can't you just hear them rattling?" Edward crouches to inspect a black pitted rock.

"You'd think that," Jacob replies, picking up a rock from the ground and chucking it toward Edward's feet. Edward quickly stands up, and I try to hide a giggle.

"There's no way rattlesnakes would be out right now, it's way too hot," I say to Edward with a grin, and he frowns, pulling a hand through his hair. It matches the browns and reds of the hills in the distance and I wish that I had my camera so I could take a picture.

"Hey guys! I found a dead donkey!" Jacob yells back at us and Edward's eyes flash with excitement, but I feel my stomach twist at Jacob's words. I hate it when they find dead animals. They always smell and the boys poke at them and I just don't like it. I wish they would just let them be.

Edward trots off to see Jacob's find and I trudge slowly over to where they're standing. Sure enough, there's the picked over carcass of a donkey among the rocks. It's lying on its side, the wide broad skull complete with big square teeth, hooves still attached to the legs, a small amount of skin still stuck to the skeleton, and I feel my stomach gurgle. I can't get any closer.

"Whoa! Look at its teeth," Edward remarks as he bends close to the skull.

"Don't touch it!" I shout, and Edward looks over at me with concern. "You could get a disease or something."

He crouches down as Jacob kicks it with his foot. The smell of dried skin and dirt fills the air and I feel like I'm going to be sick.

"Stop it, Jacob! Please!" I beg, my voice quavering now. "Just leave it alone!" Jacob reaches down as if he is going to pick up one of the bones and I scream frantically. "Stop!"

"Knock it off, man!" Edward pushes Jacob away from the skeleton. "It's making her sick."

"What? It's just bones. There's not even that much flesh left on them," Jacob says with a sly smile, and I know he's saying that because he knows it bothers me. I wish I could be brave, let him know he can't get the best of me, but I can't handle dead things.

"You're such an ass," I say, and turn around to walk back down the hill, away from the poor dead donkey and away from Jacob.

"No, this is an ass," Jacob laughs behind my back, and I feel my neck and cheeks flame with heat.

"Hey, wait up." Edward jogs over to me, but I keep walking. "Bella, wait!"

He catches up to me now and I'm too embarrassed to look at him. I don't want him to know how much Jacob or the skeleton bothers me. I hate it when people know what bothers me. Then they can use it against me, like Jacob does. What if Edward makes fun of me? He wasn't bothered by the skeleton, he even bent down to take a better look. He probably thinks I'm just a silly girl, grossed out by yucky things, and I don't want to be that. We're supposed to be even, and now we're not.

"I just don't like dead things," I blurt out, and we carefully start the climb down the hill. "And I feel like a dork. Because I screamed like a girl." Edward follows me, his feet stepping in my old footsteps as I slightly bounce down the hill.

"You are a girl," he says as he slides slightly before catching his balance. "Well, kind of."

"Shut up. You know what I mean," I mutter. "Jacob knows how to make me look like an idiot and he does it on purpose. He knows where my goat's tied."

"You have a goat?" Edward asks, and I stop, exasperated, and turn to see if he's serious. He smirks down at me, his hair falling in his eyes, and I throw him a dirty look before heading back down the path.

"He knows where your donkey's tied too," Edward says as he gently tugs one of my braids, and I'm about to spin around and sock him in the gut but he missteps and falls on his butt, sliding a few feet before knocking into my legs, but I'm leaning up the hill and am easily able to steady myself.

He quickly untangles himself from my legs as I help him up, trying to not to fall. He knocks the dirt off his shorts and inspects his hands, a dozen little scrapes all along his palms.

"See? The universe doesn't like it when you're mean to me." I can't help but rub it in, and he laughs.

"Then why is it so much fun?" Edward retorts, and I stick my tongue out at him and start back down the hill. He snags the baseball cap off my head and puts it on backwards. His eyes are mischievous as he sneaks past me and bounds down the path, leaving a trail of dust behind him. I follow, letting gravity help me along, determined to get my hat back. Edward runs straight past the girls and Emmett, still lounging on the beach, and into the water, shoes and all. He laughs thinking he's won.

Well, he should know better. I never give up that easy.

I follow him into the water and his face changes as he starts to swim into deeper water. I'm a stronger swimmer, though, and I quickly close in on him. I narrow my eyes and lunge, grabbing him by his arm and trying to grab my cap off his head. He's slippery from the sunblock and he wiggles away, grabbing my leg and pulling me into the deep water where I can't reach the bottom, but he can.

I kick and thrash trying to break free but he's still smiling, a fact that makes me want to pinch his pretty little face. I hold my breath and dunk below the surface, adjusting my position and pulling at his shirt now. I surface behind him, climbing on his back and throwing my arms around his neck, and he loses his grip on my leg but dips underwater, hat and all, in an attempt to shake me free. I hang on, holding my breath and closing my eyes as he turns and twists before surfacing. As soon as I can breathe, I grab my hat and swim as fast as I can, trying to get to where I can reach the bottom. I'm breathing heavily and I feel a sharp pinch on the back of my thigh. I scream, kicking my legs as I turn around to swim on my back, and Edward surfaces, laughing hysterically. I try to kick him but the water makes the blow ineffective. Edward tightly grabs my wrists and I struggle but he can stand in this depth and as much as I hate to admit it, he's stronger than me. I can hear Emmett and Alice laughing and it pisses me off even more that they've seen Edward get the better of me.

"Whoa! Are you seriously mad? I'm only playing around with you," Edward says, panting and out of breath as the water rolls around our heads. "Stop trying to kick me."

"Don't mess with me and I won't try to kick you," I retort, trying to catch my breath and letting my body relax before realizing that Edward's face is very close to mine. He must realize it too because he drops my wrists. I turn and swim to shore, putting the hat back on my head and sitting on the sand with the others. Edward swims further out into the deep water and I feel uneasy, like I've hurt his feelings or something with my overreaction, and I want to cry.

"Hey, blondie," Emmett says as he gently nudges Rose with his hand. "You'd better turn over. Your back's getting a little pink." She sits up, groggy and confused.

"Oh shit," she says as she cranes her neck to look at her back, pulling the strap away from her shoulder, and sure enough, her back is splotched and red, a distinct line of white where her strap was. She's a little more than just pink, she's sunburned.

"You're gonna feel that later tonight. Take a real hot shower when you get back to your trailer. It'll take the sting out," Emmett says as Rose pulls her shirt over her head and cringes. "We should probably get you out of the sun for today. We don't want anyone hallucinating from heat stroke."

"Hallucinating? Are you serious?" Rose asks as we stand up. Jacob still hasn't come back down the mountain, so I walk to the edge of the path and yell his name.

Emmett gets the girls back in their kayaks and is ready to leave when Jacob comes jumping down the hill.

"Emmett, did they tell you? We found a dead donkey. I'm gonna come back with my brothers and get the skull. So bitchin' man!" Jacob says, and he climbs into the kayak with Alice as she gags dramatically.

"A skull, oh, ew gross!" Alice shrieks, but Jacob just laughs.

"Yeah, Bella especially loved it," he says with a nod in my direction. I shake my head, trying not to let his comments get under my skin and Emmett helps me push our kayak into the water. Edward's still swimming in the deep water and I paddle out to where he's floating.

"Hey!" I shout and Edward opens his eyes and swims over to the boat. "We gotta leave. Rose got really sunburned and needs to get out of the sun."

"Really? Well, that blows," Edward says as he swims over to the kayak and hoists himself into the boat. He struggles a little and I reach over the side and grab his arm and attempt to help him in without tipping us both over. He throws his leg over the edge of the rocking boat, his soggy blue and white slip-on shoes still on his feet, and this makes me smile. He climbs into the kayak, purposefully falling against my leg and dripping water all over me as he settles into his spot before smirking back at me, and I give him a little shove. I turn around and place my paddle in the water. Edward snags my baseball cap again and I spin around to see him grinning from ear to ear, dripping wet and wearing my cap, and I don't have the heart to fight him for it again.

Besides, he looks kind of adorable in my hat.

...

"Oh crap," I mutter as I stare at the smear of blood in my underwear. Aunt Flow. I sigh, frustrated because now I won't be able to swim for the next week, and not being able to swim at the river is like torture. Plus, the Cullens are leaving tomorrow and we had plans to explore the shoreline that stretches south of the marina. We were going to take snorkels and fins and everything, but now I won't be able to go. I've got to quickly make up a reason because I refuse to tell everyone that I can't go because I got my period. This whole period thing sucks balls.

I won't be needing my swimsuit today, so I change my underwear and put on a bra, rinsing out my dirty underclothes in the sink, the uncomfortable pad making me feel like I'm wearing a diaper. I pull on my denim cutoffs and my tank top, cursing my reproductive system the whole time, so upset I have to spend my last day with Edward bleeding and cramping. I really just want to go back to bed, but I know Edward will be pounding on my door in five minutes, so I pull my hair back into a braid and brush my teeth.

Sure enough, five minutes later, Edward is pounding on my door, mask and snorkel already on his face, and I laugh at how ridiculous he looks. It also makes it incredibly worse that I have to cancel.

"Where are the girls?" I ask.

Edward shrugs, "Rose isn't coming. She's going on the boat with my dad and Esme. And Alice is hanging out with your brother or something," Edward says suggestively, and I gag. Gross. I still haven't thought up of an excuse, and now blaming it on someone else is out of the question.

"Don't you think you should spend some time with your dad? I mean, he's finally taking the time to go out on the water. Don't you want to go too?" I ask, trying to seem curious.

"I don't care. I'll be spending the next two days in a Winnebago with him. I just want to do whatever you want to do," Edward says sheepishly, and the knot in my tummy tightens as my lips automatically pull into a smile.

"I don't think we should snorkel today. The water's all choppy and that means the water will be too cloudy," I offer, which isn't a lie. It wouldn't have stopped me if I weren't on the rag, but right now, I'm looking for any excuse. "Let's go on the boat instead. Oh! We could drive up to the dam!"

"Oh, that'd be cool! I'll go tell my dad and meet you on the boat, you get your swimsuit on," Edward says as he walks out the door. I cringe. This is going to be bad.

I meet Edward and the Cullens on the dock. Rose has her book in one hand and a wide-brimmed straw hat in the other, and I can see her first river burn taught her a lesson because now she wears a blue terry cloth dress over her swimsuit. Mrs. Cullen looks like she could be in an old black and white movie in her black one-piece and a scarf in her hair, and Dr. Cullen stands on the dock at the bow, untying the rope from the cleat as Edward finishes untying the sides.

"Hi Bella!" Mrs. Cullen waves cheerfully as Dr. Cullen gives me a nod. Edward looks at me confused and I know he's noticed I don't have my suit on. Please don't ask, please don't ask, I chant to myself, trying to will him into minding his own beeswax.

"Hi," I say quietly with a wave. Rose looks up from her book for a second of acknowledgment before going back to her own little world. "I'll push you guys out, if you want. So you can steer," I say to Dr. Cullen.

"That'd be great, Bella. Thanks! We've got a bunch of first timers here," he says, motioning to his wife and Rose. I wait until he's seated behind the wheel and he starts up the engine before I push the boat away from the slip. Edward hops aboard as Dr. Cullen backs out of the slip, and I jump onto the bow before it gets too far away. I sit in one of the bucket seats across from Edward on the bench and he looks at me thoughtfully. I usually sit on the bench with him, but I don't want to give him the chance to ask any questions. So I just smile and cross my outstretched legs and watch the water as Dr. Cullen speeds off towards the dam.

It's a long ride. The wind blows my hair and drowns out any chance for conversation, but when we get to the huge dam, the wall of concrete overwhelming the view, everyone is hot from the ride and wants to cool off in the water. Dr. Cullen pulls out his red flag and affixes it to the windshield before jumping into the water. Mrs. Cullen follows, surprising me when she gets her hair wet. My mom never gets her hair wet. She doesn't want to mess up her makeup and she thinks she looks like a wet rat with wet hair. Even Rose sheds her frock and jumps into the water with a yelp.

"Why is the water so cold?" she asks me as she treads water.

"This water is from the bottom of the lake above the dam," I say as I glance out of the corner of my eye at Edward. He's staring at me and I'm freaking out because he's going to say something about it, I can tell. And I'm going to have to tell him.

I smile at him warily and sit on the bow, my butt getting a little wet as I let my feet hang off the front of the boat.

"Where's your swimsuit?" Edward asks, climbing onto the bow and sitting next to me.

I sigh. "In my bedroom," I respond without looking at him.

"Well, duh. I kind of figured that. Why aren't you wearing it?" he presses.

"Why is it such a big deal? Lots of people don't swim," I say, grateful the boat has drifted from the others and they can't hear our conversation.

"Bella, I have never in my life seen you without your swimsuit on. Excuse me if it's a little weird," Edward says quietly. "Are you mad or something? Did you not want to come?"

"No," I say, my voice a little too snotty. Why would he even come to that conclusion? I'm the one who suggested a boat ride to the dam. "I just don't feel like swimming today, alright?"

"Okay, fine. Sorry, I didn't mean to make you mad," Edward says as he watches the deep water and I feel I've upset him again.

"Look, I…um…Aunt Flow came to visit this morning," I say, scrunching my face as I look over at him.

"Aunt Flow? What, your period?" Edward smirks, and I narrow my eyes, irritated at the volume of his voice. "Why didn't you just say so? I live with three girls. I probably know more about periods than you do."

"It's embarrassing, you goon," I say with a scowl. It's perfectly normal to be insecure about this kind of crap, right?

"No it's not. Getting caught whacking off in a house full of girls, that's embarrassing," Edward says. My eyes bulge and my face is hot and blushing, and I can't believe he just told me that!

"What? You do that?" I whisper. I know what it is. I mean, hello, Emmett is my brother.

"Yeah. Don't you?" he asks, and my mouth drops open. I have never done that. Well, not really. Alright, well I guess I kinda tried once. I heard Leah and Emily talking about orgasms and masturbating and stuff. They were reading this article in Cosmo and I stole the magazine from the store. I read the article locked in the bathroom that night after everyone went to bed and I'll admit it, I tried to touch myself down there and do what the article said to do, but I just got squirmy and messy and then frustrated.

"It's perfectly normal, my dad said so. And he's a doctor. And he said everyone does it," Edward says knowingly, like he just read my mind and heard me recount the whole masturbatory debacle.

"Alright, fine. Once. But I didn't…you know, finish," I mutter, my cheeks burning.

"I kissed a girl. Back in Seattle. She let me touch her boobs, too," Edward confesses, and I quickly turn my head to glare at him, my heart plummeting to my knees. This time when my face burns, I am raging.

"What? You…you kissed somebody?" I ask, forcing the feelings of anger and betrayal from my voice. I have no reason to be jealous, no reason to think Edward wouldn't have girlfriends. He's very nice and cute and of course girls would like him. But this makes us uneven again, and I foolishly hoped, maybe someday, Edward would like me like that, that maybe he'd kiss me.

But not now, not ever. Not after he kissed some other stupid girl and touched her boobs. No, I will have nothing to do with loving Edward.

"Have you kissed anybody?" Edward asks me quietly, and I shake my head no. I wish I could tell him yes, wishing I really had, so that I wouldn't feel so bad right now. I want him to know, for sure, that I like other people, just like he does.

"I could kiss you," Edward offers, and I turn my head to look at him, his green eyes dark in the shade of the tall rocks and concrete dam. My heart pounds in my chest. My hands are shaking and I don't know what to think or how to feel. Does he really want to kiss me? Does Edward like me, like me, like a boyfriend? Or does he just feel bad for me, because I'm obviously such a loser and can't get a boy to kiss me unless he's my best friend? I feel very strange. My stomach is fluttering and my head is foggy and I realize I really, really want to kiss Edward.

And it scares the crap out of me.

So I do what I always do when I'm scared. I shove him. Hard. So hard, he falls off the bow of the boat and into the cold water below. I stare over the edge to make sure he's okay and all I see are bubbles and foam. Oh God, what if I hurt him? I'm about to call over Dr. Cullen when Edward surfaces and looks up at me hanging over the edge.

"What the hell, Bella?" Edward asks, and I really do feel bad. I just didn't know what to do!

"I'm sorry," I say as Rose climbs the ladder hanging off the back of the boat. She grabs a towel and wraps it around her body before sitting back in her chair, and she's followed by Dr. and Mrs. Cullen. Edward climbs in last and plops down on the bench, not bothering with a towel, and pulling a pair of sunglasses from a cubby on the side of the boat. He hides behind them and looks out over the water, even though we're in the shade of the rocks. I feel horrible for pushing him into the water.

I move to sit on the wet bench as Dr. Cullen starts the engine back up. Scooting back into the corner, I stretch my legs out on the seat and he looks over at me like I'm irritating him. I flash him an apologetic smile, forcing all my emotions into this one grin. Yes, I like you. Yes, I want you to kiss me. Yes, I'm a big scaredy-cat nancy-pants. And I'm sorry.

He shifts to face me, and puts his legs up on the seat beside mine, his wet thigh against my calf, his toe digging into my hip, and I laugh because he knows I'm super-duper ticklish there. All is forgiven as we ride back to the marina, and the heaviness eases in my chest. When we get back we will have to say goodbye and tomorrow the Cullens will leave, their big motorhome heading back to Seattle, back to their real life. Edward will go back to his girlfriend, who lets him kiss her and touch her boobs, and I will be forgotten.

The next morning, as predicted, their campsite is clear, the motorhome pulled into the dumping station as Dr. Cullen takes care of the unpleasantries of camping, and I feel like total crap. I see Edward in the gravel road, walking towards me on the swings, and I stand up to meet him as he walks down the sidewalk, a small bag in his hand. I smile. It's my birthday present.

"We're leaving in a few minutes, but I wanted to give you this," he says, handing me the package. I open the small brown baggie and pull out a silver ring with a large greenish blue oblong stone.

"It's a mood ring. I brought it from Seattle," he says as I slip the ring onto my finger. It immediately starts changing color from green to violet

"What does purple mean?" I ask him as I gaze at the swirling ring. Now it looks like the color of the deep water when we go for night rides, and I feel my chest expand, my eyes burn as the emotion takes over.

"I don't know. There's a paper in the bag, I think," he says quietly, but I don't bother looking it up. I'm sure it means horribly awful, because that's how I feel.

"My dad bought one of those houses, the ones like yours," Edward says, and I look up at him with wide eyes. Steady Pay Checks. The Cullens are officially Steady Pay Checks.

"You'll be back for sure? You'll be back next year?" I ask, even though I know the answer.

"Yeah, I'll be back. I'll be back," he says, in a robotic voice, mimicking that Terminator movie, and I laugh at his horrible impression. His smile is shy and soft and I feel my face flush. My breathing stutters as he looks into my eyes. "Hey! Maybe we can do fireworks next year!"

"For sure," I say, unable to stop the corners of my mouth from twitching.

"Okay, I have to go," Edward turns to leave and feel my belly twist, my forehead crease. I really don't want him to leave. "I'll see you next year, Bella."

I can't say anything because I'm afraid I'll cry. I miss him already as I watch him walk up the path. I see Dr. Cullen wave so I wave back with a lump in my throat. My chest hurts so bad, I can't look at him anymore. I look down at my ring and run my finger across the glass and I wish I would have hugged him or said something. I didn't even say thank you. I didn't even say goodbye.

I take off running in his direction and shout his name, my voice cracking as I try to hold back my tears. Edward stops and turns, his face confused, and I throw my arms around his neck and squeeze him tight, holding him to my body and wishing like hell I didn't have to let him go. His arms wrap around my waist and he squeezes too, and I know he feels the same. His tears dampen my shoulder and I turn my head into his neck. He smells of shampoo and sunblock.

"Thank you," I say, and press my lips to his cheek, and with one last squeeze, I let him go and run home as fast as I can, looking back only once to see him wipe his face and smile at me.

I'll dream of that smile for the next ten months, dreaming, hoping, waiting for the summer.

...

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A/N:

Hey, look at that! A chapter ended on a positive note...I know, I didn't think it possible either.

Oh readers, how I love thee! Come to Cali so I can buy you all a beer!

n7of9 and SubtlePen are supreme betas and miztrezboo is a prereading pimping fool, thank you bbs!

Thanks for reading lovelies!