That Time You Snuck in Through My Window
1987
The average price for a new car is around $10,000.
Madonna releases her second feature film, "Who's That Girl" and files for divorce from husband Sean Penn.
Debbie Gibson becomes the youngest artist ever to write, produce, and perform a # 1 hit single with her song "Foolish Beat."
...
The sun burns with magnificent heat.
The water ripples in soft waves.
The hills bend and curve, holding the river in a tight embrace.
She is my summer. My heat, my waves, my tight embrace.
Happy Birthday, Bella. I'll see you next summer.
Love,
Edward
I glide my fingers over the ink faded onto worn paper, the words causing a flutter in my chest. I've read the small note over a hundred times, carrying it in my notebook at school and hiding it in my small jewelry box on my dresser when I'm home. There's so much meaning crammed into so few lines.
The Cullens left in the early morning hours last August. I said my goodbyes to Edward the night before and I kissed him at least a dozen times before he left. Edward's kisses are better than anything I've ever experienced. Better than night swimming. Better than ski rides. Better than ice cream. I never thought I'd like anything more than ice cream.
"Earth to Bella? Hello? Is anyone home?" Leah snaps her fingers and I open my eyes. "I said, can you restock the snacks? We're selling out of s'mores stuff like crazy."
"Yeah," I mutter as I lean the broom up against the counter. I'm working in the store with Leah this summer.
"Are you on drugs?" she asks, surveying my features intently.
"No, I'm not on drugs," I respond exasperated. Emily, Jacob and his brothers sneak off behind the bleachers at school to smoke pot and they're always trying to get me to go with them. Instead, I hang out with Leah's kid brother, Seth. He's a year younger than me and doesn't talk much, but he's nice. Besides, my brother would kill me if he found out I was getting high. I know this because he told me. He said, "Bella, I will kill you if I find out you're getting high." He graduated a couple weeks ago and is acting all protective all of a sudden, like I can't function without his supervision. Dad got him a new jeep for graduation, one he can take off-roading and everything. It's a bribe. Dad's hoping it will make Emmett feel obligated to stay at the marina. I think it's working.
"Right." She doesn't believe me. "Well, I have plans tonight, so get a move on it. Just because you refuse to have a life, doesn't mean I have to."
It's late June and Edward's family should be here soon. They always show up just after Edward's birthday and I assume it's so he can have a big party with all his real friends back home. He's sixteen now and I wonder if he drives, if he still plays basketball, if he still wants to kiss me. I think about him a lot, especially the kissing.
I walk into the stockroom and grab the chocolate bars and load up on marshmallows when I hear the bell on the front door chime. Edward!
I hurry out, my arms full of the provisions, to find Jacob standing at the counter.
"We're closed, Jake," I say, dumping the cargo onto the counter. Jacob runs his hand through his thick black hair. He's shirtless, like most people around here during the summer but there's a new awkwardness in the sight of his bare chest. He has a lot of muscles for a sixteen year old.
"I know, I have to give Leah a message from Sam," Jacob replies with a soft smile. Huh, no smart ass remark? No smirk? Have we entered the Twilight Zone?
"Why didn't he just call the store?" Leah asks.
"He has to work late, start of the season and everything," Jacob shrugs. "He can't go out on the water tonight."
"So he sent you instead? He can't take a fucking minute to pick up the phone?" Leah says, her voice heated, her hands upon her hips.
"Hey! I'm just the messenger," Jacob responds. "I was driving down anyway and he asked me to give you the message."
"Why would you be driving down to the marina at this hour?" Leah presses. She and Sam have been fighting a lot lately. He's always working and she's in a perpetual state of irritation. She plays The Cure constantly, the tormented lyrics and haunting melodies pouring from the small cassette player under the counter.
"I have my reasons," Jacob says with a coy grin, his shiny black eyes peering into mine. His stare makes me uncomfortable, like he can see right through me. I turn and hurry back to the stockroom to hide from his dark eyes.
I take my time, staring at the boxes of graham crackers, hoping he'll just leave when I hear a small rap on the door. It's probably my dad here to close up the register so I stalk out of the stockroom, expecting to see my father.
I'm met with feathered fizzy green staring back at me instead. Edward's face is a portrait of intense anticipation, and his lips pull into a nervous grin when he sees me. He puts his hand on the glass of the door, giving a slight wave and I beam, exuberance creeping into every inch of my body.
"It's open!" I yell and Edward tries the door but it doesn't budge and he shakes his head. What the hell? I look over at Jacob and he hides his face in a magazine but I can see in his eyes that he's smiling.
"Oh, grow up, Jacob," I mutter. I set the crackers on the counter and quickly unlock the door.
"Hey!" Edward says as he steps inside. "We just got here. I just wanted to say hi." His eyes dance across my face and he licks his lips. I don't remember him being this tall and he's skinnier than last year. He's wearing one of his polo shirts, the royal blue collar pulled up and I frown. In these clothes he's Seattle Edward, not river Edward, not my Edward.
"Hi," I say with a shy smile.
"Hi," he responds, his hand reaching out to brush the hair from my face and my skin flushes as his fingers graze my cheek.
"Hi," Jacob barks from the counter and I turn to glare at him for interrupting.
"Hey, Jacob! It's so great to see you," Edward says through tight lips. "Hey Leah!" She mumbles a greeting and mopes around the store, her whole attitude shifting since hearing Sam's message.
"Sorry about locking you out. Never can be too careful, there could be creeps trying to get in," Jacob says, his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Do you need a shirt, or something? I can loan you one, if you want," Edward shrugs and Jacob slams down the magazine. I sense a diversion is needed.
"Um, I have to finish closing up and then I can meet you on the swings," I say to Edward, trying to change the subject.
"I'll just wait here, if it's okay," Edward says. He walks over to the counter and grabs the boxes of crackers and starts putting away the snacks with a smile.
"We're planning a game of Capture the Flag for Thursday. It'll be a new moon that night so it'll be extra dark out. You guys in?" Jacob asks me and I look at Edward.
"We can get the girls to play, too. But you can't be on my team," I say to Edward, a devious smile tugging on my lips. "You glow in the dark. You're a liability."
"Ha. Ha. Ha," Edward says dryly. "But I'm inhumanly fast and agile, like a mountain lion."
"Well, prove it. On the battlefield," Jacob grumbles.
"The battlefield?" Edward snorts. "O-kay."
"Thursday, asshole, you're going down," Jacob says with a sneer before thundering out of the store.
"Is he for real?" Edward asks incredulously.
"The Blacks are very serious about Capture the Flag. I'm talking war paint, fatigues, this isn't a game," I respond, gathering the empty boxes. I'm only partially exaggerating. Jacob and his brothers are very competitive. They like to win. Once, Paul and Jacob got into a full on fist fight during a game of Risk.
"Well, he may have brawn, but I have brains," Edward winks. "Big, huge brains."
…
My sneakers hit the gravel in a flash. My heart pounds in my chest as I peek behind me, sweat dripping into my eyes. I whip my head back around and stumble to a crouch behind a massive trailer to catch my breath. Alice was right behind me a minute ago. Luckily, this year she's obsessed with Madonna and I heard her bracelets jingling before she got close. She almost snagged my sash though, her finger grazing the strip of torn fabric tucked into the waistband of my cutoff jean shorts. The rule states the sash must be apprehended so I'm still in the game.
The rules to Capture the Flag are simple. Two flags in the form of old white t-shirts are set at opposite sides of the campground. The first team to get the other team's flag wins. We scribbled our names on slips of paper and Leah pulled the teams. I'm grouped with Rose and Emmett, Jacob and one of his older brothers, Jared. He graduated with my brother last month and dates Emily sometimes. Emily dates lots of people. She claims she's too much of a free spirit to be tied down to one person.
Edward, Emily, Alice, and two more of Jacob's brothers, Quil and Embry, make up the other team. Sam and Leah were supposed to play too, but Sam didn't show, so Leah said she'd referee instead. I'm a little uneasy Emily and Edward are on the same team. It's really dark out here, people could get hurt. Or accidentally fall into each other's arms, or lips, or boobs…
Stop it Bella! You don't own him.
Edward's not mine, not by a long shot. If he wants to kiss Emily, he's perfectly at liberty to do so. It's not my business. Sure, we kissed a couple of times, but Edward has never said anything about being my boyfriend.
This fact doesn't stop the burning jealousy in my stomach or the furious pulse in my chest. It doesn't stop the frantic need to get the stupid flag and end this game before something can happen between them. I've seen Emily in action. Edward doesn't stand a chance.
I can see the other team's flag unattended, the white cotton draped across the branches of a low sagebrush and I'm about to run behind the brick building that serves as the public restroom when I hear my brother whistle. I recognize it at once. It's a warning.
It's a good strategy to have someone hide in the shadows and protect the flag and I try to rationalize who they would have picked for this position. I rule out Quil or Embry, they're too aggressive to play defense. That leaves Emily, Alice and Edward and since Alice was behind me just minutes ago, I know it can't be her.
Edward or Emily.
Edward and Emily?
Edward and Emily making out behind the bushes and that's why the flag is unattended…
Ugh! What is wrong with me? I shake my head and try to concentrate. Taking into account Emmett's warning, I decide to sneak around the edge of the brush instead of cutting across the gravel path. I double back into the dark and dart across the path into the bushes, maneuvering through the brush as silently as possible as the thorny branches snag at my skin. I can see the white flag now. Just a few more feet and I'll make the dash.
"Stop." I hear Edward's voice say loudly but I can't see him. I drop to the ground, my head spinning in all directions, looking for the gleam of his pearly skin or reddish hair and I can't find him anywhere. Edward's the guard. He's hiding and he's close. And worst of all, he can see me.
My heart pounds in my throat as I weigh my options. In an instant, Edward will rush me and snag my sash. I'm actually not sure why he hasn't yet, but I can only deduce that he heard Emmett's warning whistle too. He knows I'm not alone.
Emmett! I'll create a distraction, sacrifice myself. Edward will come after me, leaving the flag free for Emmett to take.
I'll attack head-on, draw Edward out into the open so Emmett can see us. I spring up and run, a mad dash to the flag, just as Emmett comes barreling out from behind the restrooms. Shit! We had the same plan, and now we're both exposed and out in the open.
Alice comes out of nowhere, quick as lightening and snatches Emmett's sash. She yelps with triumph as Emmett curses and slows to a stop, falling to his knees on the gravel in depraved defeat. Double shit!
I put my head down and run until my heart feels like exploding and my legs are wobbly. I'm almost there, I'm so close, when Edward pops out from around the sagebrush. I quickly put on the brakes as he stares me down. Edward eyes me warily, an antagonizing glint in his eye and a smug grin on his lips, like he knows he has me beat.
Right, like I'd give up that easily.
I want to punch him, wipe that sneer right off his face. Determination flares in my lungs, burns in my face and I want that flag in my hand more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. I narrow my eyes and dart to the left just as Rose jets around the building to snag Alice's sash.
Yes! Now's the chance! While he's distracted, I change direction and sprint to the right, heaving myself at the sagebrush. Edward lunges for my sash, his hand catching my arm and I yank it away, spinning around and trying to regain my balance. He reaches for me again and clips the hem of my shirt. My feet slip in the gravel and I fall hard to my knee. God, it hurts, a warm trickle of blood oozing from the stinging gash but I grit my teeth and am back on my feet in an instant. I'm panting and I can hear Emmett yelling at Rose to get the flag. No! It's mine. This game is mine.
I reach my hand out to grab the flag, elation bubbling in my chest and my head fuzzy from the heavy breathing when two strong arms latch around my waist. Edward pulls me back, falling to the ground and bringing me down on top of him. His chest moves beneath me, my own haggard gasps escaping my mouth as I lay there stunned.
Rose gets to the brush a millisecond after I was supposed to and snags the shirt, holding it up in her hand and cheering. Emmett picks her up, swinging her around like an old time movie. I roll off of Edward, collapsing on the gravel beside him and neither one of us move. I'm exhausted, deflated and hurt, and I'm furious. I can't believe Edward took me down like that!
I hear the crunching of gravel and I see my brother's big hand in my face, offering to help me up. His dimpled grin hovers over me and I can't even celebrate in our success because I didn't really win. I let Edward get the better of me. Just like always.
I clutch Emmett's hand and he pulls me up, a wave of dizziness pummeling my head and I fall against his big body.
"Whoa there, Bella," Emmett asks me as I sit back down on the gravel. Edward pops up, his eyes filled with fear.
He crawls over to me, concern plain on his sweat-stained face. His notices my bloody knee and I hear him curse under his breath. "Oh my God, did I do this?"
I shake my head and close my eyes, willing the dizziness to go away when I feel a hand on my thigh. My eyes pop open to find Edward's hot, dirt-smudged hands gently inspecting my knee and I'm dizzy now for a whole new reason. His thumb presses into my thigh, sending shivers right up my legs to my belly. My heart thumps against my ribs and I can't breathe. And I don't want him to stop.
Edward looks up at me, the wide green circles burning with care and all my previous fury is dissolved. I feel like a monster, a mean, competitive, ugly monster.
"I'm sorry," I whisper.
"Why are you apologizing for bleeding?" Edward asks and I wince as the sting sets in. My knee is throbbing now, my entire leg stained with blood.
"What did you do to her, asshole?" Jacob storms towards us and I roll my eyes. Oh, for Pete's sake!
"Nothing! He didn't do anything," I explain. "He played the game, put up a fight and I fell."
"I'm taking you to my dad. He can fix up your knee," Edward says and moves to help me to my feet. His arm wraps around my waist as he lifts me from the ground.
"You're not taking her anywhere," Jacob growls and I feel Edward's arm tighten around my waist.
"Oh and you're going to stop me?" Edward snaps.
"You bet your ass I am," Jacob snarls. I've had enough. This is completely ridiculous. They haven't even asked me what I want to do and it's my damn leg.
"Enough! Both of you just shut up!" Their eyes are glued to me, shocked at my tone. "I just want to go home."
"You heard the lady," my brother says as he takes Edward's place beside me. "You can walk, right?"
I nod, clenching my jaw as pain radiates in my kneecap. Blood streams down my leg and Rose hands me the t-shirt turned flag to press to the cut. Oh man, it hurts! It hurts like a son-of-a-bitch, but I pretend it doesn't.
Suddenly, Edward kneels before me. He takes the shirt from my hand and wraps it around my knee, knotting the cotton tightly. He looks up at me with apologetic eyes and I want to blurt out every thought spinning through my head right now. How I'm ashamed of the way I behaved. How I like the way it feels when he touches me. How I want him to sweep me off my feet and kiss me passionately, like Richard Gere in An Officer and a Gentleman. But I stay silent, the thoughts enough to cause the pink to flood in my cheeks and tears to well in my eyes. Instead, I hobble back to our house, leaning heavily on my brother. Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry.
By the time we get back to the house, my knee is the size of a grapefruit. My dad greets us at the door, the cool air conditioning causing my heated skin to chill. He helps me inside while Emmett rushes to get the first aid kit from the closet.
"See, that's not so bad now," my dad says as he pats my leg dry, a thick bandage covering my knee. "There you go, all fixed up."
He kisses me on the forehead and cleans up the wrappers and swabs. I feel so foolish. Because of my stupid pride, I'll have to stay out of the water until my knee is good and scabbed over.
I collapse onto my bed and kick my shoes off, exhausted and feeling like a complete ass for being so competitive, for thinking such mean things about Edward. There's a light rap on my window, three soft knocks and I hobble to the window to open my blinds to find Edward's face smiling back at me.
I force open the pane and Edward holds up a Big Otis. I smile so big, my cheeks hurt and I pop the corner of the screen out so he can hand me the ice cream.
"How did you get this? The store's closed," I whisper and Edward flashes me a mischievous grin.
"I forgot to tell you, I'm a superhero. I can walk through walls," Edward teases.
"Then why did you waste your time knocking on my window?" I retort.
"In case you were naked or something," he shrugs and I feel my face burn, my stomach twisting at the thought of Edward seeing me naked. There's an awkward silence, he shifts his feet and I can't look him in the eyes.
"So, are you okay?" Edward asks finally, his hand running through his poufy hair. It's longer than last year, but just on top. The sides and back are still short and neat around his ears and neck.
"Yeah, I'm fine," I respond.
"Can I come in?" Edward voice is quiet.
"What, like through my window?" I ask and Edward nods.
"I …I don't know," I respond, surprised at the request. I doubt my dad would approve of Edward in my room.
At night.
With the door shut.
"It's okay, I understand if you're mad at me. I'm really sorry Bella. I just got caught up in the game, you know? And I couldn't stand the thought of Jacob winning," Edward rambled. "I feel really bad I hurt you. Will you forgive me?"
"You didn't hurt me," I say defensively and the minute the words leave my mouth, I realize I sound like a snotty bitch. Edward twists his fingers and I sigh, popping the screen out completely and leaning it against the side of the house. I sit on my bed, open the ice cream wrapper and take a bite of the ice cream sandwich. It's soft and chewy and dripping so I lick around the edge.
Edward stares at me for a minute, unsure if he's invited in, I guess, so I nod my head, motioning for him to hurry up. He climbs in clumsily and closes the window behind him before plopping himself down on my bed.
"Shhhh!" I say and I reach over to my cassette player to put on some music to muffle our voices.
"What the hell are you listening to?" Edward asks. I lick my fingers, taking another bite of my ice cream before answering.
"Debbie Gibson, I think it," I respond.
"Oh no, Bella, how can you subject yourself to such torture?" Edward's laughing now and I can't help but grin too.
"I don't know, Emily gave it to me," I shrug. Edward inspects my glass bottle collection. They're lined up along the back of my dresser in all different shapes and sizes, curved, angular, tall, skinny, short and fat. Some are filled with sand, or pebbles or shells. Some are used as candleholders and covered in hardened wax. Some are used as flower vases and filled with silk roses and daisies and feathers. I use them to burn incense or to hold my jewelry, the circles of silver and gold looped around the neck, my beaded earrings hooked along the lip. Some I just think are pretty, the multicolored glass bubbled and warped and causing the light to refract in odd ways.
"Hey! You still have this?" Edward picks up the small white shell, the one with our initials and I feel my face blush again. If he takes another look at the bottles, he'll see the friendship bracelet tied around one of the necks. I wore it until the thread snapped. The mood ring's there too, slipped over a few sticks of lavender incense and the poem is hidden safely in the small jewelry box just inches from his fingers. I wonder if he remembers what he wrote last summer. I wonder if it's still true. It's been a whole year since I was his summer, his heat, his warm embrace. A lot can change in a year.
"I have all of them," I say softly, unable to look at his face and focus on the melty mess of chocolate and ice cream left on my fingers. "I have to wash my hands. I'll be right back."
I shut the door behind me and limp to the bathroom, my knee pulsing with every step. I take one look at myself in the mirror and almost shit a brick. Oh, kill me. Kill me now. My face is a mess, smudged and stained and my hair is sticking up all over the place. I must stink to high heaven. The elastic in my swimsuit is cutting into my skin and I feel like an idiot for not grabbing my pajamas on the way out of my room.
I scrub my hands and arms before splashing water onto my face and armpits, practically giving myself a sponge bath before slathering on a bunch of deodorant, just to be safe. I pull my hair out of the braid, my scalp sighing in relief. I let it fall loose around my shoulders, and stare at myself in the mirror.
What am I doing? This isn't a date. This is Edward. He's seen me water logged and sun burned after a day on the river. He's seen me muddy and sweaty after a long hike. He's seen me pee in the bushes, for Christ's sake.
My house is quiet, except for the low hum of my cassette player drifting down the hall. I sneak back into my room, thankful I'm at the opposite end of the hall from my dad and Emmett. Edward's sitting in my bean bag chair in the corner, playing this ring toss water game that I had sitting on my book shelf. He pushes the button, sending the tiny rings swirling through the water and trying to get them to fall on the plastic posts.
"I beat this game twice while you were gone," Edward says without looking up. I sit down on my bed, propping my injured leg up on the mattress and lean back into the pillows lined along the white iron Daybed frame. The synthesized keyboards coupled with a strong drum beat and the twang of a male voice now radiates in the room.
"Did you change the music?" I ask and Edward shrugs.
"Maybe," Edward grins mischievously, his eyes still on the stupid game. "That pop shit was wearing on my nerves."
"Fair enough," I say, listening to the lyrics I know so well. "Have you ever read the book Tom Sawyer?"
"This song's not actually about Tom Sawyer, you know," Edward responds.
"I know," I mutter, sitting up to pick at the bandage on my knee. The skin is still tender and I wish I could change out of my suit, but I can't bear the thought of hobbling back to the bathroom.
Edward stands up and places the game back on the shelf, his fingers grazing the spines of my books. "I don't really read, you know, for fun. I don't have time. Basketball practice, piano practice, Advanced Placement classes, homework, I barely have time to go out or do anything with my friends."
"You play the piano?" I ask. "How did I not know this?"
"Yeah, since I was little. I don't really like to talk about it," Edward says in a small forced voice. He sinks into the opposite side of my bed, by my outstretched leg and squeezes my big toe. I instinctively pull my leg back, jerking my knee and wincing at the sharp sting.
"Sorry!" Edward apologizes.
"I'm just ticklish and having a brother who likes to torment me makes me leery of anyone near my weaknesses," I explain. Edward smiles his devious grin and I'm immediately sorry I told him. I narrow my eyes and try to look as threatening as possible but he just laughs.
"Oh relax, Bella. I won't tell anyone you have a weakness. Your secret's safe with me," Edward says and I'm tempted to believe him.
"Pinky promise?" I ask and his eyes glow like neon in my softly lit room.
"You don't trust me?" His hand slides gently over the top of my toes, his thumb pressing into the arch of my foot. The contact causes my skin to ripple with goosebumps and my heart thumps like mad as I inhale sharply. I'm trapped, caught between wishing he'd touch me more and plotting my escape. It's not like I can make a quick getaway with my bum knee, but I might be able to deliver a swift kick to the head with my other foot if tickling ensues.
"I'm not going to tickle you," Edward soothes, his eyes boring into mine. His voice is low and rich, like I imagine hot chocolate would sound like. You know, if hot chocolate could talk, of course. He glides his hand over the top of my foot and ankle and up my shin. Again with the stinking goosebumps, and when his hand slips around to lightly grasp the back of my knee, I almost pass out.
Breathe, Bella, damn it!
He carefully peels the bandage away from my skin and I don't even flinch, even though I feel the sting. He inspects the wound, his face close to the my leg, his breath on my skin, his eyes now fixated on the bruising and swelling surrounding the large gash and shallow series of cuts before affixing the tape back in place. He smiles at me, and I can't help but grin shyly back as his hand trails back down my leg.
"Ouch!" Edward says suddenly, yanking his hand away from my leg. He eyes his hand and I'm completely confused when a coy smile tugs at his lips.
"What?" I ask warily. I know there's a joke here somewhere. With Edward, there's always a joke.
"Oh, just your leg stubble. It's like a million little daggers clawing at my skin," Edward says overdramatically. "Bella! Are you the real Teen Wolf?"
"You see? This is why I don't trust you. This is why I need pinky promises, because you trick me into liking you and then you say something mean like that." I swing my bad leg away from him as he chuckles. I started shaving my legs last summer because Jacob made the same exact smart-ass comment, called me Teen Wolf and everything. I used one of my brother's disposable razors and his shaving cream and ended up nicking myself half a dozen times before it was through. Now I wish I never would have started. It's such a pain and I'm slightly bitter boys don't have to do it too. I mean, who decided only girls are supposed to be hairless? Probably a guy.
"Alright, alright," Edward scoots over until his leg is touching mine. He sticks his thumb between his lips and holds out his pinky. "Bella, I promise you, I will never, ever tell anyone about your ticklish feet."
I hold Edward's gaze for what seems like an eternity, his face very close to mine, before I do the same and hook my finger to his.
"Seal it," I murmur.
Edward leans forward and my heart begins to race. He presses his lips to mine and I sigh against his soft, full mouth. I try to remember what Edward showed me last summer and what I've heard Leah and Emily talking about at the store. It's all forgotten though as soon as Edward licks at my bottom lip with his tongue.
A hundred little explosions go off under my skin and I freeze. Oh crap, he wants to French kiss me. My brain scrambles but before I have time to panic, I feel it again, a soft pull of wet and warm across my lip. Something in my body forces my brain to shut up and my lips to open and then, Edward's tongue is in my mouth. And he tastes like heaven, like rainbow sherbet, sweet and smooth and melting on my tongue.
The kiss is messy and wet, there's too much space between us and I feel like one of those gaping fish under the dock. I'm not doing it right. It's nothing like what I see in the movies. Edward's hands move to my cheeks, tilting my head slightly to the side and the small space disappears. We're sealed now, connected. Our mouths move together and I just copy what Edward does. Our tongues wrap and pull and twirl until I can't breathe. Edward leans in closer pushing me back against the pillows and I gasp a little as his body presses into mine. His hand slides over my stomach and hip and then up my spine and my whole body aches to get closer to him. I push my hips up into his, and rub my legs together and I feel like my thighs are going to explode. All I can feel is Edward everywhere, his hand circuiting my back, his breath hot in my mouth, his hipbone grinding into my thigh.
Or is that his hip bone grinding into my stomach?
Wait, is that his…
Holy erection! Edward has a boner. My heart practically flat lines when I figure this out, the knowledge stirring a buzz deep in my belly and I'm starting to think maybe this is too much, maybe we should stop, maybe I'm not ready for this.
Maybe I am.
Edward pulls his mouth away from mine, his eyes searching my face. His palm rests against my cheek and I like this tender touch.
"What's wrong? Are you okay? Is this okay?" Edward asks in a hurry and I can't help the smile that's stretching across my face. It's kind of funny, this whole making out thing. I mean, touching tongues and boners and exploding thighs. Plus, I get a surge of satisfaction in knowing that kissing me gives Edward a woody. It kinda makes me giddy.
"What?" he asks and I shake my head, my face burning red. "You have to tell me you know. I'll tickle you if you don't."
"I can feel it," I blurt out, covering my face with my hands. I can't believe I'm telling him this.
"It?" Edward wonders.
"It," I say emphatically and push my hips up against him so he gets my drift.
He groans, shifting away from me and I feel lonely without his body close to mine.
"It's a perfectly normal reaction in an aroused male," Edward says and I peek through my fingers to see him shove his hand down his pants and adjust the goods. I watch shamelessly. Good God, I can't tear my eyes away from his crotch.
"I'm not making fun, I promise. But the whole thing is kinda funny," I say, wishing I would have just kept my tongue in his mouth.
"Funny? You think making out with me is funny?" Edward asks, his voice dejected. "Weren't you turned on too? I mean, you seemed to enjoy it, especially the way you were dry humping my leg."
"I was not dry humping your leg!" I say indignantly, my arms crossing across my chest. Edward stares down at his hands, hands that were just rubbing all over my back and stomach and I feel like a total ass. I've embarrassed him and I need to make it better. We sit in horrible awkward silence for a while before I get the strength to step outside my insecure bullshit and fess up.
"I was turned on too," I spill before hiding my face with my hands again. Oh God, this is so embarrassing. "I mean, I liked it. Making out with you is nice."
Edward's quiet for a full minute and I'm afraid to look. I feel the bed move, and his body cuddles up to mine. His fingers gently wrap around my wrists and he tugs at my hands.
"Bella, come on, look at me," Edward asks quietly, and I allow him to pull my hands away from my face. "It's okay, you know. To be turned on. It's not bad or anything. And you can trust me. I don't want you to ever feel weird around me. I won't ever make you do anything you don't want to do."
"It's not that I don't want to. I've just never…done that. I've never felt these things before." I try to explain. I want to let him know it's not his fault in any way.
"Never? You've never been turned on?" Edward asks and I frown, embarrassment just won't leave me alone today. Oh well, since we're spilling secrets.
"Top Gun," I say quickly and Edward grins. "That part when they kiss and then there's the licking and yeah, that was pretty hot. I had to watch it sitting next to my brother and my mom. I couldn't even enjoy it properly."
"I really like you, Bella," Edward says with a soft sincerity that makes my chest swell. He swallows, his eyes on our hands connected between us.
"I like you too," I respond. "You're my best friend."
"Friend?" Edward asks, his eyes flash to mine at the word and I know I want him to be more. So much more.
But he can't be. He can't be anything to me because this isn't real life. The real Edward plays the piano and basketball and wears polo shirts. The real Edward lives in Seattle, Washington and takes advanced classes and hangs out with friends.
This is just a vacation. This is all I can have of him. For two months out of the year, Edward can be more than just my friend. For the next two months, Edward can be mine.
…
"What do you mean, we're growing apart?" Leah whispers into the phone and I try not to pay attention as I flip through a magazine, the faces of teen heartthrobs glossy on the pages. I'm not really looking at the pictures, I just don't want Leah to know I'm eavesdropping. She's been on the phone with Sam since this morning. She showed up with her hair slicked back in a pony tail, her eyes red and puffy and looked like she hadn't slept all night.
"I know, just don't leave me, Sam," Leah says. "Please! I can't believe you're giving up on us."
It's so strange to see strong, confident Leah begging someone for anything. I don't like it. It's not like her. I want to hug her or something and try to make things better, but she'd probably bite my head off so I pretend to read my magazine instead as I wait for Edward to get back. The Cullens took a boat ride down to the dam today and I begged my dad to let me go but he said no. I was furious with him, vowing to give him the silent treatment for at least a week, but then I saw Leah and suddenly my little problem didn't seem so bad.
My stupid job at the general store sucks up all my time and I hate it. Edward spends most of his days with me at the store but I feel like he's wasted his summer. It cannot be fun for him to sit here with me while I restock shelves and wipe down counters. Sometimes the girls come hang out too and when there's a lull in customers, we play cards or dominoes. We talk about movies, music, school and laugh at dumb things in the magazines and the days pass quickly when they keep me company.
But today, I'm on my own. I've been here since noon, taking a break to meet my dad and brother at the café for dinner but I still have three hours to go before I can leave.
"Is there someone else?" Leah says frantically and I can hear it in her voice. She's going to cry again. Oh geez, this has got to be torture for her. "Don't hang up! I'm sorry, just - Sam?"
"Motherfucker," she says through clenched teeth as she slams down the phone.
"Leah, I can close up. Why don't you just go home?" I say quietly and Leah wipes at her face, her eyes tired and worn.
"I'm fine. Everything's fine. I'm fine," Leah says robotically and before I can second guess myself, I wrap my arms around her. She's stiff a minute before collapsing into my shoulder. Leah's the closest thing I have to a sister, the only female influence I have here in Willow Cove and the person I go to when I need someone to talk to. I can't stand to see her hurting.
"Go home and eat some ice cream. It will help, I promise," I say and Leah chuckles, wiping at her face with her shirt.
"Are you sure you'll be okay?" Leah asks and I nod.
"My dad's in his office if I need anything," I say and Leah grabs her things and jets, leaving me in the empty quiet store. My dad comes by to lock up most of the cash from the register. When he asks me where Leah is, I tell him she's sick and went home early and he believes me. He always believes me and I feel really horrible stretching the truth when I know he trusts me so much.
It's just past eight when Edward comes bounding into the store, his nose and cheeks are pink and his hair is freshly wet. And he's shirtless. I stare shamelessly at the lithe muscles of his stomach, chest and shoulders, my fingers twitching to crawl across his skin.
"I fell off the dock," he laughs and I can't help but laugh with him. I'm glad he's having a good time with his family but I can't help but feel cheated. This is my time with Edward and I'm stuck in this stupid store. Man, I hate this job!
"I wish I could have gone with you guys," I say. It's not really a big deal, I shouldn't even be complaining. I'm just sad I've missed everything.
"Dad pulled me on skis. First time he's tried to tow a skier. He did pretty good too. Esme tried to ski but she couldn't get up. It was hilarious, better than Goofy on skis," Edward laughs and I think of last Fourth of July on the cove. This year we just barbequed and played volleyball here in the marina. Maybe we'll get to see the fireworks next year.
Edward pushes my hair behind my ear, his fingers soft on my cheek and my neck and I really want to kiss him again. We don't get to kiss much, our families are always around and we have to sneak in kisses when no one's looking. I don't know why we keep it a secret. Maybe Edward doesn't want his family to know he kisses a river girl. I know I don't want my family to know I kiss anyone. But the summer is coming to a close and I'm going to have to wait another ten months to see him again and who knows how he'll feel when he comes back. What if he meets someone he likes kissing more than me? What if he doesn't come back at all?
Oh God, I think I'm hyperventilating!
"Bella, talk to me," Edward pleads, his hands on my face.
"Your nose is peeling," I choke out, my hand clutching at my chest. Edward stares at me for a long time, his lips pursed as he thinks.
"Come on, let's get out of here," Edward says, grabbing my hand and pulling me out the door.
"I can't, Edward. Leah went home early, I have to close up the store," I say even though all I want to do is go with him. But my dad will kill me if I leave.
"Then close up the store." Edward stops and turns, his face close to mine and there's a franticness in his eyes, a frenzied hurry that I've never seen before.
No one will know. I'll leave the lights on and my dad will just think I'm in the back or something. And then, I'll come back later and shut the lights off. It's just an hour early. Probably won't have any customers anyway.
I lock the door and wrap the stretchy cord that holds the key around my wrist. Edward grins as we walk to the docks. I'm not sure what Edward has planned but I'm just so glad to be free of the store. Even the sweltering, muggy heat can't weigh me down.
He leads me to his family's boat anchored in the slip and we climb on board. The ice chest is perched on the bench, still full of soda and beer and juice boxes. Edward pulls a beer from the chest and hands it to me before taking one for himself.
"You drink beer?" I ask him.
"No, do you?" he responds and I shake my head. "Do you want to try it?"
I shrug. Beer's not such a big deal, my dad and Emmett drink beer when they watch sports games or on holidays.
"We'll try it together," I say. Edward grins excitedly and I have to admit, I'm a little excited too.
We sit on the floor of the boat, hidden from anyone passing by and crack open our cans. We stare at each other for a minute before Edward raises his can and I do the same. I drink, one big gulp like I'm drinking water and I almost throw up.
Oh God, it's awful! It's bitter and tastes like soggy bread that's been marinating in pee. Or that's what I imagine it tastes like, anyway. I've never actually had soggy pee bread.
"Ugh! It's horrible! Why would anyone drink this on purpose?" I remark and I can tell Edward doesn't think it's as gross as I do. He shrugs, taking another drink before squishing his face up.
"It's not that bad," Edward says and I snort.
"Is that why you make that face when you drink it?" I laugh and Edward just rolls his eyes, downing the can in a matter of seconds.
"Your turn," Edward says and I don't think I can drink the whole thing. I seriously might gag.
Oh, buck up Bella. If Edward can do it you can, I tell myself and choke down the rest of the beer.
"I don't feel any different," I say as Edward spreads out on the carpeted floor beneath us, the boat gently swaying as the water laps at the side of the dock.
"Me neither," Edward frowns. "Beer's a bust."
"Maybe we need more?" I suggest and lay down beside him but he isn't quick to drink another. I look up at the wide expanse above, the millions of tiny stars like pinpoints against the black backdrop. I love the night sky out here, it's just not the same anywhere else.
Edward turns silently to face me, his hand tentatively sliding across my belly and I forget how to breathe. He brings his lips to my cheek and I forget everything. I forget Edward's leaving soon. I forget he's not my boyfriend. I forget I'm just a river girl. If I turn my head, I will surely be making out with him in the next two seconds.
I feel him inch closer to me, his bare stomach against my arm and I turn to face him. In his eyes I see sadness, my sadness reflected and I know he understands. His pulls me closer, his hand on the small of my back, my chest pressed against his, our legs twisted and he kisses me. His mouth moves slowly, like honey poured from a stubborn spout, and I want him to use his tongue again.
Maybe it's the beer, but I feel brave so I ask for it.
I lick at his mouth and he's quick to respond. His tongue pulses with mine, his free hand moving over my back and belly and with each pull of his tongue, I feel the ache grow, a pain between my thighs and the only thing that makes it feel better is to rub against Edward's leg between my knees.
I'm only vaguely aware of the fact I'm grinding my crotch into Edward's leg. I'm too preoccupied with the sparks shooting up my spine every time I rock against him. He moans into my mouth and I force my tongue deep into him in order to muffle the sound. Trailing my hand across his hip, he gasps when my fingers touch the smooth muscles of his stomach. There's hair here along the skin below his belly button and I pull my thumb along the trail. Edward must like this because he pulls his mouth from mine, his eyes glowing and pulls my body flush with his.
And I can feel it again.
The hard length presses into my belly and my fingers linger on the waistband of his shorts. We writhe against each other and I watch him, his eyes closed, his lips parted, the tiny shreds of peeling skin along his nose taunting me. Edward squeezes his arm underneath me to twine around my waist before pressing his mouth to mine again. His free hand grips my hip and pulls me into him and I'm panting now, breathing impossible between the kisses and the grinding and the aching between my legs.
Edward's hand travels up my side and over my stomach and then between my boobs, his touch specifically avoiding those places I want it most. He does this three times before I pull away from the kiss. He's not going to do anything I'm uncomfortable with. So I let him know I'm comfortable. I take his hand off my hip and slide it up to rest on my boob.
His hand is trembling, his eyes peering into mine and for a minute I think I've made a mistake. But then his mouth consumes mine, kissing me with a fierce tenderness that causes a whole new quiver in my belly and I lose myself in his kiss, in his touch. I inhale sharply as he starts to massage, his hand squeezing and pulling and rolling. He pulls his thumb across my nipple and I moan. My legs clench around his, grinding myself down onto his thigh and rocking against his hard-on pressed against my belly. Our skin is flush with heat and sweat as his hand massages circles into my chest. His tongue is still pulling at mine and I'm a little embarrassed how I'm panting into his mouth. It just feels so good, all I can think about is wanting more, feeling more, needing more.
Just then we hear the dock creak, the sound of thudded footsteps and we freeze, his hand still on my boob, my fingers practically in his pants. Then we hear voices, familiar voices. Voices that are going to be very close to the boat in two and half seconds. We quickly untangle and roll onto our backs, looking like two panting star gazers now, instead of the pulsing heap of hormones we were a moment ago.
I look at Edward as he crosses his hands over his lap, his eyes smiling as he gives me one last kiss on my lips. It's over. The kissing, the dry humping, the boob massaging. It's all over. This is our goodbye.
"I'm not saying it's impossible, I'm just saying that if Nessie really existed, they'd have found some kind of remains by now. It only makes sense that-" Rose's voice stops as she stares down at us from the dock. "What are you doing?"
"Star gazing," Edward and I say at the same time and Rose narrows her eyes. She's suspicious and smart, a terrifying combination. I sit up to find Emmett standing behind her, his hand quickly dropping hers the moment he sees my face.
"You're supposed to be at the store," Emmett says but I ignore him.
"Why are you holding hands?" I ask, standing up as Rose suddenly finds her feet fascinating. Emmett and Rose. Rose? But they have nothing in common. And the argue all the time and she's completely not his type.
And that's exactly why he likes her.
I wait, Emmett glaring at me, a sibling standoff as he decides what to do. He could rat me out, but not unless he wants to come clean too.
"I won't tell if you won't," Emmett offers.
"Deal," I say quickly before he can second-guess his decision. Emmett won't tell. He doesn't want to deal with my dad anymore than I do.
Rose climbs into the boat and pulls the remaining cans of beer from the ice chest, handing them to Emmett.
"You'd better get home, Bella. Dad's gonna know something's up if you don't get home on time." Emmett orders me around and I roll my eyes. Yeah, yeah, I know.
…
I feel like my soul's being torn from my body as I hug Edward outside his empty summer house. His arms crush me to his chest and I force myself not to cry. This is by far the hardest good-bye we've ever had and I can't stand the thought of not having him close. He writes down his phone number on a piece of paper and tells me to call, that we could talk over the phone and it'll almost be the same. I already know I'll never call him. He's already so busy with his real life, he said so himself and it's long distance. There's no way my dad will let me call Edward long distance. No, it's better this way. No obligations, no long distance bullshit. No expectations, until next summer.
"I want to kiss you so badly," Edward whispers into my ear.
"I know. Me too," I mumble into the collar of his polo shirt.
"I left your present in your room," Edward says as he walks back to his family waiting in the car.
"How…when did you…" I'm stumped as to how Edward got a present in my room without me knowing but he just slides into the car and gives me one last wave before they drive away.
I have to go back to work, but I run straight to my bedroom, looking for something that could constitute as a present. I inspect my dresser, my bookshelves, my bed, but I don't see anything out of the ordinary. My gaze falls upon my cassette player and I remember the night I let Edward climb in through my window. I press play, wanting to hold onto the memory, grasping to anything that will keep him with me.
"Lady, from the moment I saw you, standing all alone. You gave all the love that I needed, so shy like a child who had grown."
What the hell? This isn't Rush. I stop the music and pull the cassette from the player, inspecting the tape. Written on the rectangular label in neat, tiny letters there's a message.
Songs to remind Bella of her super awesome friend Edward. Happy Birthday.
The letters blur as the tears I've been fighting trail down my cheeks. All I want to do is curl up on my bed and listen to every song on this tape over and over again. And I want Edward curled up beside me. But that's not an option.
I trudge my way back to the store, the hot sun burning on my back when I hear Leah's voice boom out over the marina. She's irate and screaming and I run to the store to see what's going on.
They're all on the sidewalk in front of the store. Jacob's holding Leah's arms, holding her back from something and my eyes shift to Sam, his arms wrapped around Emily, restricting her arms.
No, he's not holding her back. There's no tension in their arms, unlike the panic evident in the flex of Jacob's bicep as he restrains Leah. He holds her like he's comforting her, gentle and protective.
Like he loves her.
"How could you do this?" Leah shouts, her eyes wide and furious.
"Leah, please," Emily begs, tears and snot pouring from her face.
"I knew something was going on, I fucking knew it! Expected it almost," Leah shouts. "How can you live with yourself? And for what, a fuck? To get off? You both disgust me."
"You don't understand, Leah. She's pregnant," Sam says quietly. Leah blinks, shrinking back from the confrontation as she covers her mouth with her hand. "I have to do what's right by her, be a man."
Holy Days of our Lives! Emily's pregnant? With Sam's baby? I thought she was dating Jared. She's going to be a senior in high school and here she is knocked up by her cousin's boyfriend. So much for being a free spirit. She'll be tied to another person now for the rest of her life.
"Be a man? A real man doesn't stick his dick in his girlfriend's cousin," Leah says bitterly.
"I'm so sorry, we never meant for any of this to happen," Emily sobs and Leah just laughs, a maniacal tremor from her lips.
"Bullshit! What, you tripped and fell on his dick, over and over and over again until he got you fucking pregnant? If you didn't mean for it to happen, then it wouldn't have." Leah's voice is yelling again.
"We love each other," Sam says.
"Fuck you, you bastard!" Leah screams, clawing at Jacob's arm, trying to squirm free and hell bent on attacking. She's going to kill him! I run over to help Jacob push her inside the store where she crumbles to the floor. I wrap my arms around her and let her cry into my shoulder for a long time and I can see in her face that she'll never be the same after this. He's destroyed her.
This situation is just completely shit. I know how much she loved Sam. And now all her plans have just been obliterated, everything she thought she understood had been a lie. And Emily! Barely eighteen and pregnant? Emily's my friend too, but I feel like I hate her right now for what she did to Leah.
All I know is I don't ever want to feel how Leah's feeling right now. She put her whole life's worth into one person and he betrayed her. I can't let that happen to me. I'm already too attached to Edward. He's the only happiness I have, the only part of the whole damn year that I look forward to. I trust him with my secrets, tell him things I'm embarrassed just thinking about and I know he would never hurt me on purpose. But I have to get myself in check or I'm just going to end up like Leah, betrayed by a boy I never really had.
I have to forget Edward. I have to forget his lips on mine, forget his hands and they way that they touch me. I have to forget it all, because I won't be able to function if I'm forced to remember. I file the summer away in the very deepest trench of my heart.
It's for the best, the only solution that makes any sense. I put up my wall and wrap my heart in a tiny cocoon, numb, hard, solid.
I detach.
…
A/N
With the hormones, comes le angst, it's just how it happens, I didn't make the rules.
The oh so lovely, AngryBadgerGirl started a thread on Twilighted for this story...link is on my profile :)
Big hugs to beta extrordinaire SubtlePen and prereader miztrezboo, I give you props sister! Thank you for all your help.
Thanks for reading bbs!
Cam's judging! Details 
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