A Constant in The Darkness

Chapter Seven - I can be cruel, but let me be gentle with you

Darlings,

The other side of the coin...

Another long chappy, my dears, and hopefully I made good on my promise for swooning. n7of9 and I had a lengthy discussion about what Robward were to taste like, if we ever got the chance to lick him and we came to a conclusion! Read on dearies to find out!

Again, I can't thank you readers enough! The reviews are so well thought out and I thank you for the conversation.

misforMarisa made the icons and banners on my live journal page! They are so beautiful and surreal, just like you bb!

n7-bestest beta ever! Thank you for knowing my brain, it's like I have a little usb port in my head and you can just plug in when I can't articulate. That's a beautiful thing, fuckin' oath bb!

Disclaimer-It's not mine.

EPOV

"Are you sure you don't want a beer, Edward?" Emmett had been trying for the last ten minutes to get me to drink a beer with him but, after the Stanley incident, as I liked to call it, there was no way I was ever drinking in public again. Biggest monumental mistake ever!

It was past ten and Bella and Alice weren't here yet. I knew Bella would be coming tonight because Emmett had dropped Alice off at Bella's house earlier this evening. Apparently they were BFF's now or some shit, and I don't even know when the fuck that happened, but it was highly irritating, like Alice had stolen the toy I wanted to play with and now I had to wait my fucking turn. I didn't want to share. Plus I forgot my fucking coat and was freezing my ass off.

"I'm so fucking bored." Rosalie was pissing me off. "These high school parties are so boring."

"You already said that," I told her.

"What?" She'd already had like four shots of vodka and a rum and diet coke, so she was having trouble understanding English.

"I said get a fucking thesaurus." Shit, how much longer was Alice going to take? What the fuck could they be doing?

"You're a dick." Rosalie went back to thinking about herself. I could tell she was sizing up every girl here, rating them and determining where she fit in the hierarchy. I'm pretty sure she positioned herself at the top of the food chain.

Emmett finished his sixth beer, sitting down and pulling Rosalie to lean against him. "Where's Alice? I thought she was coming with that Bella chick?"

Yeah, Emmett and Rosalie now knew Bella too. Shit, I had only been absent for three days. Rose had told me all about it on the way here, how Alice had read for Bella and she had freaked and ran out of the lunch room. Rose thought it was a fucking riot to see others in pain. But I was left wondering what Alice could have said to make Bella so upset. Rose seemed to think she had some kind of chemical imbalance, but Rose is a bitch and loves to see people fail.

"I guess," I replied, staring at the wood of the table, just fascinated by the swirls and patterns the grain was making. I picked slightly at the paint on the table.

"Hey, jackass." My head jerked up at the sound of a large bottle meeting the table and I found Alice standing before me. But I only offered her a fleeting look and I missed what she said after that, because Bella was standing a mere three feet from where I was sitting.

I instantly froze, wishing I had drunk that beer so that I could just be clever and not this insecure, anxious motherfucker, all nervous over some girl.

Not just some girl, Edward. The girl. My internal monologue was making shit worse, enhancing the pressure of this situation.

I couldn't even look at her face. I wanted to, badly. I wanted to see her bite her lip again or stare right into my being with those fucking deep ass eyes. I just couldn't bring myself to look at her, afraid all she would see were the bruises and cuts on my still-swollen face. I stared, instead, at her shoes. Black sneakers with rubber toes peaking beneath wide-leg pants that dragged on the floor, the back of the hem frayed, wet and muddy. I fucking memorized those shoes.

"Hey Alice," was all I was able to say.

"Hey, so this is Bella, Charlie's daughter." Alice was introducing me to Bella. The absurdity of this almost made me roll my eyes because I was already well acquainted with this girl. "Bella, this is my brother, Edward." I was still looking at her shoes when she spoke. Bella's voice was confident and friendly, something different about the way she was handling herself tonight.

"Hey, I think we have biology together or something. Nice to finally meet you properly, Edward." Bella was offering me her hand.

The sound of my name rolling off her tongue sent a shiver straight through every appendage of my body, and I do mean every appendage, and the thought of touching her outstretched hand was sending sparks radiating to my fingertips. My right hand twitched involuntarily towards her and I couldn't deny what every pore of my being was yearning for any longer. I gently pulled her petite hand into mine, wrapping my fingers around the prominent bones of her wrist. My fingers began to tingle, a slow warmth spreading through my hand and up my arm, into my shoulder and down my spine and before I knew it, electricity was buzzing on my skin. I couldn't release her, the skin of her hand soft and warm, her pulse quickening beneath my fingers still holding her wrist.

I finally allowed myself to look at her, just relishing in everything majestic about this human being in front of me. Her eyes were the pools I remembered, just brimming with a multitude of emotions, darkened by the thick wavy hair framing her features. I wanted to pull the hair away from her face and I wished I had a rubber band or something to tie the tangled hair back so I could fully enjoy all the curves and indentations of her neck and jaw stretching from her hairline to her shoulders. I internally cursed her confounded coat, just burning to see the silhouette of her figure more plainly and uninterrupted by frivolous material. I noticed another band emblem peeking out from beneath her jacket, a lightning bolt surrounded by four letters on her fitted t-shirt. Fucking appropriate considering the electrical pulse surging through my body at this very moment.

If she had noticed the battle wounds on my face, she didn't gape the way everyone else had been doing tonight. Instead, she smiled, clearly as delighted at our connection as I was. This revelation gave me hope and I found my lips turning upward as well, unable to control them.

"Yeah, biology," I was able to respond now. "I'm so glad to see you, Bella." And I was, she had no idea. I had been dying to see her all week, cryptically trying to weasel information out of anyone, desperate for anything. Now I was filled with her very essence and like a drug, she had me completely hooked.

And then an unsolicited form dropped into my lap, obstructing my view. Jessica Stanley was body spamming the shit out of me. She whispered in my ear some shit about sucking my dick and I wanted to knock her on her fucking ass because I was missing out on valuable Bella time.

"Get the fuck off me! Shit, what the hell is your problem?" I shoved Jessica, trying to get her off my lap without it looking like assault. She stood up and shoved me hard in the chest, the bitter sting of rejection now transferred to my upper body. And it fucking hurt too, my side still bruised and throbbing.

But it didn't fucking matter because Bella was gone, taking Alice and a huge ass bottle of Southern Comfort with her. Maybe she would come back. It would be futile to go searching for her. Newton's house was buzzing with people now, crowds of bodies filling every space outside and in. Bella knew where to find me. 'Sit tight' seemed like a reasonable option.

Yeah, that lasted about two minutes and then I was up and searching for her. I weaved my way into the house, my height an advantage. I scanned the top of the crowd for her, afraid that I wouldn't be able to find her because she was really fucking small. I searched everywhere, bathrooms, bedrooms, closets, the garage, the pantry, ridiculous places, just trying to think of every hiding place imaginable.

I walked back outside and searched the backyard. I made my way through the sea of drunken assholes, trying not to panic. What if she went home? I would drive to her house right now, I didn't care. I needed to see her, make sure she didn't have the wrong impression. Maybe even give her the right impression.

I looked for another twenty minutes before deciding she had left and I was going to have to go to her house. As I walked out the front door to leave, I finally saw them. Bella with Alice and Jasper, sitting on the small brick wall, a fucking accumulation of beer bottles at their feet and the driveway scattered with bottle tops. They were all shit-faced and laughing their asses off. Here I had been searching for practically an hour, thinking of an apology, ways I could express what I was feeling for her, and she was fucking getting trashed with my sister and Jasper fucking Hale, street pharmacist extraordinaire. Alice better not have been smoking weed, she knows how marijuana can affect people like us, people who are already highly susceptible to schizophrenia.

I was fuming now, fucking pissed at this shitty situation. Pissed because Alice was probably high and I was going to be mean to her about it. Pissed because Jasper had gotten to spend time partying with Bella and I didn't, and now she probably had all kinds of inside jokes with him and shit, and he had probably discovered how utterly adorable she was. I couldn't compete with Jasper, he was pretty fucking cool.

Alice practically fell off the wall trying to get down. She stumbled over to me, trying to reassure me, and I'm sure I was making all kinds of accusations, but all I could focus on was Bella taking Jasper's arm, steadying herself. Jasper slid down off the wall and he was going to help Bella down. I saw his hands go for her waist and then he paused, his attention now on the onslaught of drunken ass bastards stumbling against the wall.

And before I realized what was happening, fucking Eric Yorkie had shoved Tyler Crowley and he was careening directly at Bella, an out of control vehicle certain for impact. He was going to knock her off the wall. I yelled her name, but Tyler and Eric's shouting drowned me out. I ran, trying to stop the collision, my side splitting in pain, but I was too late to stop the transfer of kinetic energy slamming into Bella and knocking her backwards off the wall. She disappeared behind the barrier, lying flat on her back on the asphalt of the neighbor's driveway, and she didn't move. I freaked out, thinking she had broken her neck or something.

I heard a calamity of commotion behind me, Alice screaming Bella's name, Tyler and Eric fucking full-on fighting, the girls screaming at them to stop. I could only focus on one thing though.

I hopped over the wall, my own injuries a distant thought now, and knelt down beside Bella, placing my face near her mouth and checking to see if she was breathing. She was, so I checked her pulse, touching her neck and applying a slight pressure to that point between the tendons in her neck.

"Bella? Can you here me? Bella, wake up." I just kept calling her name over and over, trying to get her to wake up. Finally, her eyelids started to flutter. She was still pretty out of it and it was highly probable that she had a concussion. I think I remember reading somewhere that you aren't supposed to move someone with a head injury, but it was fucking freezing out here now and her thin coat was soaked from falling in a shallow collection of rainwater.

Fuck it. I picked Bella up, carrying her to my car, with Alice and Jasper following close behind me. I had to get her to Carlisle and make sure she was okay. I had parked quite a way down the street, planning my easy escape. It was easy as hell carrying Bella, she was so light, a hundred pounds maybe, and having her this close to me was exhilarating, adrenaline masking the pain in my side. I breathed in her scent, more potent now that she'd been marinating in rain water, and tinged with liquor and weed, but mind altering nonetheless.

When we got to my car, Alice opened the unlocked front passenger door and I gently put Bella in the car and fastened her seatbelt before running to get behind the wheel. She was conscious now, although drifting in and out of awareness. Alice and Jasper got in the back seat and I started the engine, cranking the heat. I peeled out of the parking space and sped towards our home.

Alice was the first to speak. "Aren't you taking her to the hospital?"

"No, I'm taking her to Carlisle," I answered. "For a couple of reasons but mainly because she's completely fucked up, high as all shit and drunk off her ass. I don't think that would go over so well at the hospital."

"What makes you think it's going to go over well with Carlisle?" Alice asked, apparently worried for her new friend.

"I don't know for sure, but I can't think of anyone I trust more, can you? And do you really just want to drop her off at home without making sure she's okay?" I asked Alice.

Alice shook her head no from the back seat. Jasper had been abnormally quiet and I still wasn't entirely sure what he was even doing here in the first place.

Bella was stirring now, sitting up in the seat and holding the back of her head. She looked around the car, meeting my eyes shyly and looking confused. "What happened?" she asked.

"You hit your head." I smiled back. "You might have a concussion so we're taking you to see my uncle."

Bella just nodded her head in understanding. She leaned her head on the headrest, closing her eyes.

"You shouldn't sleep yet, if you have a concussion you need to stay awake," I told her. If she had any serious damage, sleep could be bad.

She sat up, panic in her eyes. I thought she was worried about the concussion so I began to explain. "You're probably fine. You might have to go to the hospital, but…"

Bella cut me off, bringing her hand to her mouth. "Pull over." This was all she managed to get out of her mouth before the rest came up. I pulled over just in time for Bella to fall out of the car and violently vomit on the side of the road. I didn't know if she was puking because of the alcohol or the concussion. Alice was passed out in the back seat, leaning casually against Jasper, so I got out of the car to see if Bella needed any help.

"Feel better?" I asked her. Bella was on her hands and knees on the side of the road. She put her hand up to stop me from coming closer.

"Don't come over here," she said, coughing. Like hell if I was going to let her hurl all solitary and shit.

"Bella, I've seen people puke before." I knelt down beside her, placing my hand on her back. She seemed to relax at my touch so I pulled her hair away from her face, twisting it into a knot at the base of her neck, my fingers involuntarily lingering on her flushed flesh.

She looked at me incredulously. "Did you just put my hair in a bun?" she asked, wiping her mouth with her t-shirt.

I shrugged, "Yeah, so what? That shit's fucking manly." I smiled at her, my insides just expanding at this opportunity to care for her.

"Yeah, it is kinda manly," Bella admitted, her smile small and meaningful. I pulled her to her feet, wrapping my arm around her waist, and she just fit so perfectly, molded into my side, like we were cut from the same cloth, the severed seam joyous in it realignment. I didn't want to let her go as I helped her into my car. She reached into her pocket, pulling out a peppermint and putting it into her mouth.

"You carry peppermints in your pockets?" I thought this was interesting.

She didn't answer at first, turning to look out the window. "Obviously," she retorted, clearly a topic she didn't want to discuss.

We drove the rest of the way in silence. I kept glancing over at Bella and sometimes she would be glancing back, our eyes quickly darting somewhere else. But sometimes she wouldn't be, and it was in these moments that I was able to truly appreciate Bella Swan and how beautiful she made this world for me, her wide eyes staring out the window, wisps of curls around her face. She had fucking just puked and I was still waxing in my adoration.

Bella was still awake when we got to my home. I helped her out of the car and she acted a bit put out I was helping her. "I can walk you know, I'm not an invalid." I just smiled at her independence because I knew that, deep down, a small part of her wanted me to help her, but she rejected that indulgent part for the larger, self-empowered part that she felt pride in.

Jasper woke Alice up, helping her out of the car and walking her into the house. I guess it was kind of cool to help out some chick he hardly knew. Then again, this could all just be a ploy in the ever present quest to "get some". Like I said, you never can tell with Jasper. He waved a goodbye to me and set off walking down the road. I would have offered him a ride but I didn't want to leave Bella.

Alice and Bella took a seat on the couch in the family room, Bella laying her head against Alice's shoulder, and I went to get Carlisle.

It wasn't that late, only a little after midnight, so Carlisle was still awake and in his office. I knocked softly on the door, "Carlisle?"

He looked up from his book, "Edward? I thought you guys were going to a party."

"Yeah, we're back. Emmett's still out. Um, you know Charlie?" I asked him, a little nervous now at what his reaction would be.

"Sure, I was just over there yesterday." This news surprised me. I mean, I knew Carlisle was Charlie's doctor, I just never really made the connection with Bella until now.

"Oh, so you know Bella then." This was going to be difficult, because I didn't want to rat Bella out, but she needed medical attention, if for nothing more than to calm my own fears.

"Sure…" Carlisle was waiting for me to continue, giving me his full attention now.

"Well, we were at the party and she was sitting on this brick wall, and um, these guys started fighting and she fell and hit her head pretty bad. She was in and out of consciousness for awhile." I left out the drug and alcohol shit because Carlisle wasn't an idiot and would probably figure it out on his own.

"Did she go to the hospital?" Carlisle asked me.

"Um, no. She's kind of here." Carlisle looked at me, surprise etched all over his face, though he was desperately trying to hide it. "Can you check her out?"

"Of course. Where is she?" Carlisle got up to get his medical case.

"Downstairs in the family room, with Alice." I walked out of the room and down the stairs, anxious for Carlisle to evaluate her. Alice was asleep, but Bella was staring past the walls, deep in thought. She looked up and smiled as we came down the stairs.

"Hi there, Bella. I hear you had a bit of an accident." Carlisle walked over and sat next to Bella, forcing me to sit down on the couch next to Alice. Carlisle immediately went to work. "Do I have your consent to perform an exam?"

"Yeah, sure." Bella sat up and folded her hands in her laps. Carlisle began his routine battery of tests and questions, checking for signs of severe head trauma. Bella sat very still, smiling every so often at me as I watched Carlisle gently feel her scalp and check her pupils, ears and neck. I was slightly envious that he got to spend this much time touching her but I waited patiently for him to finish.

"Well, we can't be sure there's no skull fracture unless we do a CT scan, but I'm not very worried about that. You seem fine. You'll just need rest, but it's best if someone wakes you up every couple of hours, just to be sure there isn't a more serious brain injury." I frowned at this. I didn't want Bella to leave, to go home to her house with only her sickly father. She needed to be taken care of. My mind was reeling, a solution on the horizon.

"Bella could just stay here. I mean, nobody is available to help her at her house and we're all here. It just makes sense." I was hoping like hell Carlisle wouldn't see through this to the true motivation for my actions.

"I can do it," I looked at Bella now, "if you want." Please say yes, please say yes…She met my gaze and without so much as a waiver, nodded.

Carlisle hesitated before conceding. "Okay. Edward, just nudge her every couple of hours. She doesn't have to become fully conscious, just aware enough so we know she's not slipping into a coma." Jesus Carlisle, don't sugarcoat it or anything. "And you should probably stay on the couch Bella." Carlisle eyed me, sending me a very pointed message. Bella must have picked up on it too because she blushed something fierce, the flood of color to her cheeks breathtaking.

Carlisle continued, "Well, Bella, now is the time for the PSA from your doctor. Underage drinking and drug use is highly dangerous and can become addictive. Remember that it is against the law for you to consume alcohol if you are under twenty-one years of age, and marijuana is against the law no matter what age you are. And, be more careful next time. No more intoxicated wall climbing." He patted Bella on the shoulder, said goodnight to me, and disappeared up the stairs.

And now I didn't know what to say to her. I ran my fingers through my hair which was still slightly damp from the evening's light rain. I glanced over at Bella and she was looking at me.

"Thank you, Edward. For everything. Even after…" She stopped, looking at her hands. After what?

"After what?" I asked. What was she talking about?

She took a deep breath. "Even after I said those awful things in Biology," she whispered. "And then you… you know. It's entirely my fault and I feel like total shit about it. So, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean it, I just have this problem…"

"Wait. This wasn't your fault, Bella." I couldn't let her take the guilt for this. "I just, I don't know. I just need a little rush sometimes." It was the best way I could describe it without coming right out and laying it all out on the fucking table. I was just trying to induce Schizophrenia so they would lock me away in an institution so I can't hurt you.

Yeah, that would go over great.

Bella looked surprised. "And you get this rush by letting assholes kick the shit out of you?" She was doubtful and I was sure eventually she wouldn't be satisfied with this response, but for now she accepted it.

"Well, I still feel awful about what I had said. I'm so sorry for being such a bitch." She looked at her twisted fingers.

"You're not a bitch. Believe me, I know bitch. Have you met Rosalie?" I wanted to lighten up this conversation, get her away from her self-loathing.

Bella snorted, "Yeah, she hates me."

"Don't take it personally. She pretty much hates everything." I wanted to be closer to her, Alice interrupting our line of sight. I needed an excuse to move.

"I'm just going to get some blankets and stuff." I realized a little too late how that must have sounded and I struggled to make myself clearer without sounding like a douchebag. "For you and Alice. I don't think she's going to be moving anytime soon." Alice was practically snoring, her breathing deep and noisy.

Bella just nodded, crossing her legs beneath her and drawing her wet coat around her frame. Shit, she needed something dry to wear. I struggled not to turn this into porn in my head but I was already envisioning her in my shirt…

Fuck, I have to get out of this room. I ran up the stairs to the hall closet and grabbed a couple of thick blankets, and Alice's pillows off her bed. Then I ran up to my room, choosing a t-shirt, sweatpants and a sweatshirt for Bella. I guess I could've given her something of Alice's but I wanted her in my clothes, a tiny, tangible claim on her. And I didn't want to go snooping through Alice's drawers, I might find something that would scar me for life. I also stopped at the medicine cabinet, taking a couple of the painkillers that Carlisle had prescribed for my internal bruising and getting a bottle of Advil for Bella. She was probably going to have a headache later. Awareness of my injuries was slowly coming back to me as the adrenaline evaporated from my system.

I was hesitant to give her this offering, the dry clothes, afraid of what conclusions she might draw, but I was in now, completely in. I walked slowly down the stairs, carrying the rations, the throbbing in my side a reminder of the underlying ticking bomb I was now desperate to suppress. There would be no going back once I sat on that couch with Bella, her wrapped in the clothing that had also touched my skin, and I still wasn't entirely sure that I could be something worthy of her attention or that I wouldn't end up ruining her life. But I was willing to try. That selfish asshole in me wanted this, even if it would only be for a little while.

And then, as I approached her sitting on the couch, shivering slightly from the chill of her wet clothing, another realization dawned on me. What if I wasn't the Edward she had dreamt of that night I had heard her voice my name? In my arrogance, had I misjudged this entire situation? Here I was invested and shit and it could all be in vain, this thought a tad too fucking late, I might add.

"I brought you some dry clothes too. You fell in a puddle." I grinned, hindsight making this ordeal a little humorous.

She looked down at her fingers, picking at the frayed hem of her jeans. Shit, she thinks this is weird. This is weird. I'm weird, a big fucking weirdo, bringing her to my house, making her stay here, giving her my clothes wear.

"Yeah, thanks for that too. For not taking me to the hospital. I kind of hate hospitals and Charlie would shit if he found out about this," she said, reassuring my silent fears.

"Do you need to call him or something?" I asked.

"No, it would be pointless. He probably won't even notice I'm gone and Billy Black's there, in case he needs anything," she responded, continuing to pull at the threads.

I nodded my head in understanding and put the care package of cotton on the coffee table. I walked over to Alice, lifting her head as gently as possible and placed her pillow under her head. I grabbed one of the blankets from the table and threw it over her, hoping like hell she wouldn't wake up because I did not want to deal with sleep-deprived Alice. I thought about moving her, but then worried about how Bella would feel being alone with me, because there was no way in hell I was leaving her side tonight.

I peeked at Bella who hadn't moved from her position on the couch, and I was met with her liquid eyes, just emitting incredulity and disbelief. Her mouth was slightly open, her full bottom lip seemed to pulsate as it hung there, the protrusion so inviting. Head slightly tilted and tired eyes slightly narrowed, she was making a judgment. I didn't know what conclusion she came to, because she just continued to stare at me, her face flooded with astonishment and confusion, until I eventually looked away.

I decided to break the silence. She still hadn't accepted the provisions I had placed on the table. "Want something to drink? Are you hungry?" My questioning was swift and Bella startled at my voice.

She shook her head no, "No thanks, I don't think I can put one more thing into my system."

"You're not going to puke again, are you?" I asked her.

She smiled a little, raising her eyebrows, "Not tonight." She chuckled at her own response and this made me smile too.

"Do you want to watch T.V.?" I asked, just trying to make her comfortable.

She shrugged her shoulders, "Sure, if there's something on."

"Bella, we have like five hundred channels. There's always something on." She rolled her eyes at my literal translation. I grinned again. There's just something about this girl that brings out that immature fifth grader. I constantly wanted to tease her, see her get all furious, because it was so damn cute and, honestly, I needed the attention from her.

I grabbed the remote control from the coffee table and turned on the television set, trying to find something entertaining to fill the silence. I thought about the Food Network, but didn't think anyone could really find that shit as interesting as I did. I scanned the guide, eventually finding a movie that I thought would be a good distraction.

"Romeo and Juliet?" Bella's surveying eyes hinted at amusement. Shit, now she probably thought I was some sappy, masochistic, wuss weirdo, failing in my desperation to impress her.

"This is a great movie. Baz Luhrmann does a fantastic job using color to accentuate the symbolism." She was glancing sideways at me now, her eyes sparkling from the verbal engagement and quite literally daring me to argue with her.

"I can't deny that, it is a beautiful film. The cinematography is phenomenal." I thought about arguing with her just so I could see her get all heated again, but this movie was kick ass, even if it was, technically, of the chick flick variety.

I sat down on the curved couch, choosing a seat on the section adjacent to the one Bella was occupying, and forced my eyes to the television. Reds and greens, and vintage black and white images filled the screen, occupying my sight but not my mind. I struggled for what to say next, craving a bit of attention from her again, wanting to gain some insight into that brain of hers.

Bella shifted in her position slightly, leaning forward and grabbing the sweatshirt from the coffee table. She removed her blue jacket, fulfilling my earlier wish, yet now I was bound to that television. I forced my eyes not to gaze at the girl removing clothing sitting not two feet to my right, using every ounce of self-control I could find within myself. She tossed the jacket on the table and turned slightly to the right, fucking pulling the hem of her wet t-shirt over her head, sending a flood of bodily fluids coursing straight to my dick. Holy fuck! She was wearing a very small tank top underneath and, I swear to God, she didn't have a bra on. This was fucking torture. She's torturing me, and she knows it. She had to know what this would do to me, right? My eyes were still trained on the television, but you know I was glaring from my peripherals like a motherfucker. It only lasted a second, but braless Bella in a tank was forever etched in my mind, to be very useful in further endeavors of self pleasure.

Bella quickly pulled the sweatshirt over her head, the fabric flooding around her, hiding all of the features that had been so exposed only seconds ago. She pulled the blanket from the table and leaned against the back of the couch, spreading the material around her.

"Are you tired?" I asked her. She looked exhausted, her eyes drooping from the draining events of the evening.

"I'm tired, but not really sleepy." Leaning her head against the back of the couch, she turned to look at me, her hair still knotted at the base of her neck from my handiwork. Growing up with Alice I knew all about that shit, braids, buns, twists. I had to. When my mother was nurturing my father, someone had to be there for Alice, get shit ready for school, pack lunches, braid hair. That duty had fallen on me.

Bella's enigmatic responses were driving me crazy. How was I supposed to gauge her reactions? I was repeatedly assuming the opposite of what she was actually thinking. Every time I made a judgment I was quickly refuted, left in ignorance once again.

"How's your head?" Let's see how she could puzzle me with her answer to this one.

"It's okay. I have a splitting headache though. My head is just throbbing," she answered, straightforward and to the point, exactly the opposite of what I was expecting.

"Do you want some Advil or something? You're in a doctor's house, you know. We have lots of drugs here." I smiled deviously, tempting her with double meaning.

"Do you?" she asked, interested. "Yeah, painkillers would be stellar."

"I'm on it." I pulled the bottle of pills from my pocket, and set them on the coffee table. After getting a glass of water from the kitchen, I handed her the painkillers, allowing my fingers to slightly linger on her palm during the transfer of pills. I loved touching this girl, it was pathetic the way I searched for reasons to simply contact my skin with hers.

Bella swallowed the pills and drank all the water, and I watched them travel down her throat as she tilted her head back to allow the medication easier access.

She placed the glass on the table. "So, how come you were so pissed at the party?" she asked me, playing with her fingernails.

"Which time?" I mumbled under my breath, internally debating whether I really wanted her to hear my comment or not. She wouldn't just let it go, I was sure she would ask for clarification and I wasn't sure I wanted to clarify just yet.

Her eyes darted to mine, questioning and confused, "You were pissed more than once?"

I sighed, clarification is a process, "Bella, I'm usually pissed. A more accurate question might be, 'So, how come you were so happy at the party?'"

"Were you happy? You kind of just eluded that was unlikely," she commented with raised eyebrows.

"Once." I answered truthfully, feeling again that energy spreading up my arm, a ghost of the initial electrical impulse. I was trying like hell to convey meaning in that one word, hoping that she'd just fucking get it.

She looked down now, her fingers capturing her attention once again. "Ah, yes. I bet I can guess the incident you are referring to. Did it have anything to do with Jessica Stanley's ass in your lap?"

Fucking Stanley. Another highly needed moment of clarification.

"Um, yeah, that was totally unsolicited." I began to explain before Bella interrupted me.

"Edward, it's okay. Jessica told me all about you guys." Once again, fucking Stanley. "And I get it, the whole unrequited love thing, pining for the one that got away…you always want the one who doesn't want you, right? I get it, believe me." Bella was still looking down, unwilling to meet my gaze. And I was fucking pissed having to play damage control now.

"What the hell did she tell you?" Unrequited love? Now I felt like puking.

Bella looked confused, "Yeah, she dumped you after a hook-up or something…"

"Whoa, whoa. I think Stanley may be spouting shit here. I was never with Jessica in the first place to even necessitate alleged dumping. I had gotten really drunk at her party and ended up passed out in her bathroom, cuddled up with the toilet. I woke up to find her…" I didn't know how to say this, it was so fucking humiliating, and I didn't think Bella would believe it was unwarranted. "Well, I woke up with my dick in her mouth."

Bella's mouth dropped open and she actually brought her hand up to close it. This made me smile and gave me the courage to continue.

"And I was freaking out, because I was seriously too drunk to move." Bella just waited patiently for the rest of the story. "And she was really into it so I was just going to let her finish…"

Bella exhaled loudly from her throat in disapproval, a little force behind the gust.

"What?" I asked her, taking a defensive stance.

"Nothing. Please, proceed. So, did you…finish?" Bella folded her arms across her chest.

"No…um, actually, in her enthusiasm to…finish, she gagged and she puked up mudslide in my lap. True story, I can't make this shit up." I can't believe I was telling her this.

Bella let out a huge booming laugh, noise just erupting from her petite frame, a sound really too big to come from someone so small. I was shocked by the enormity of it, and I wanted to hear more, so I gave her more of the gritty details, finding a deep satisfaction in the self-mockery.

"I'm glad you can find humor in my extreme discomfort. And I do mean extreme. My pants were fucking ruined. I had to rinse them in the sink and wear them home with a huge wet spot on the front," I continued as Bella continued laughing. I was slightly worried we would wake up Alice, but then again, I slightly didn't care.

"And believe me, in Forks, a wet crotch can be fatal." I was amazed at how easy this was, discussing this with Bella. She let out another siren of laughter, snorting a little bit. She quickly clamped both hands over her mouth, trying to suppress the little influx of air getting trapped in her nose.

"Did you just snort?" I asked her. Cutest snort ever!

"Yeah! So worth it! Oh my God…that's definitely the best…blow job story…I've ever heard!" She struggled to get the words out, gasping for air and clutching her sides.

"Yeah, yeah, fucking hilarious," I replied dryly. "That's what I'm here for, all for your amusement."

Bella, finally composed, continued, "So, is that why you were pissed at the party, because of Jessica?"

"Kind of." How do I explain this to her, without having to explain this to her? "I don't like it when Alice smokes. It's not really safe."

Bella snorted and rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on Edward. Pot's so not a big deal. I mean, it's only illegal because some newspaper guy wanted to keep his monopoly on the paper industry and didn't want hemp messing with his profits. Besides, my mom's smoked forever and she's kind of normal. I mean, she's a little stupid, but she can't really help that, right?"

"Well, I'm not a fan. Of any of it really," I replied truthfully. If she only knew what the drug could do to someone like me, someone like Alice. Genetically inclined to develop psychosis, marijuana, along with some other street drugs, have been found to dramatically increase that risk. And, I'll admit, during my days of self-destruction, I smoked a lot of weed. I never got into anything else, frankly because I didn't know where to get it. But Jasper could always get pot so that's what I did.

And, yeah, I didn't have symptoms yet, but the research that I found stated that those who were heavy users of cannabis at age 18 were over 600% more likely to develop psychosis over the next 15 years. So it might not happen today or even this year, but it could happen when I am married and have children and a career and shit. That's when it could happen, and then we'd all be fucked and I'd be just like him.

Bella dragged me back down to this moment and I was disgusted with myself for wasting my waning time with her thinking about this shit. Yet she continued the conversation.

"It being…?" she questioned, trailing off and expecting me to answer.

"Drugs, alcohol, any of it. Anything that chemically alters the way the body works. I don't want to feel numb. I want to feel everything for as long as I can," I replied, ready to defend my stance because someday I might not feel anything, my affect flattened by the disease.

"But you used to, right?" Bella asked me.

"Yeah, but fucking Stanley cured me of that shit," I muttered.

Bella's mind was active though, a rebuttal quick on her lips, "What about caffeine, Advil, Penicillin, prescription shit?" She was calling me out.

"I normally don't partake, but…" I began.

"But you are now, huh?" Bella's smile reveled in victory.

"Well, have you ever been fucking kicked in the ribs? That fucking hurts," I spouted, her smile crumbling, eyes shooting back to her lap.

Bella's face was contorted now, distress disrupting her velvety eyes. "You were kicked in the ribs? Holy fuck, Edward, I'm so sorry…"

"Not your fault, remember?" I shrugged off her apology. It was my decision to fuck with those guys. My choice, my consequence.

"Oh, come on. Let me take some of the blame? It makes me feel useful." She was pleading and I would have let her have anything she wanted. But not this guilt. I knew too well how guilt becomes a poison, festering and gnawing at the very essence of your being.

"Nope, can't do it," I said, shaking my head. "You'll just have to find some other way to feel useful."

She rolled her pretty, brown eyes at me. "Right, easier said than done."

"Well, I'm sure Charlie finds you useful," I commented. It was empty, really, because I didn't know shit about that situation. I really had just thrown it out there, testing the waters where Charlie was concerned, hoping she would just keep talking to me.

Bella let out a dry laugh. "Shit, now that is funny."

"Proceed," I said, gesturing for her to continue.

Bella shook her head slightly. "It's complicated."

Such a bullshit response. "Well, un-complicate it then," I said, staring into her liquid eyes. In the low light of the television the brown seemed to swirl and dance, trapping my gaze in a hypnotic stupor.

Bella sighed, breaking the trance and looking down at her lap again. "I'm not getting along so well with Charlie."

I shrugged, "What, you don't like him?" Charlie seemed nice enough. Sure, he could be a little intimidating, especially when he had his badge on.

"It's not that. He's…" She paused, tenderness in her eyes, apparent in the downward pull of her pouting lips. "He doesn't like me." Her whole body seemed to deflate as if this admission made it true, defeat evident in her lack of posture.

"How could he not like you? Aside from your near death experiences and your wicked smart-ass mouth, you're completely charming." And beautiful, and interesting, and brilliant. I tried to give her a compliment but being out of practice, I was afraid it came off as argumentative.

"I know, right," she agreed, smiling again and shaking her pretty head.

I smiled as well because I just couldn't control the twitching of my muscular facial tissue, drawing the corners of the split into a display of pure contentment. Control was a fleeting virtue when it came to Bella Swan.

"Just give Charlie some time, he'll come around. He's pretty cool once you get to know him," I responded without thinking, my reply artificial and demeaning. And for the second time tonight, I caused pain in that face, Bella crumbling at my idiotic attempt at consolation. "Hey, sorry. I didn't mean to be so…"

"No. You're right. I don't know him. I hadn't seen him in seven years, you know. I don't know him at all." She looked right past me, through me, her eyes gazing on some unknown entity out of her reach.

Realization on the brink, I searched for another clue. "Is that why you came to Forks? To get to know him?" I pressed.

"Not really, no." My face fell in disappointment. I was sure I had pegged that one. Bella was a master at the art of surprise. She was continually confusing me with her never ending array of non-disclosing responses. It's like answering a question with another question. Fucking futile.

"Why did you come to Forks then, Bella?" I spewed in frustration.

She paused, analyzing my tone and probably that pissed off look on my face.

"Why did you come to Forks, Edward?" Point taken, Miss Swan.

"Well played. Another day then?" I didn't want to air my dirty laundry all in one night. This shit was going to take time. I mean, that's not the kind of thing you just come out and tell a girl, especially a girl you might want to see again, or often, or, like, every day.

"Perhaps. If you're lucky." Bella turned her head back to the television now, another infomercial playing in the early morning hours. She snorted at some worthless piece of exercise equipment.

"Infomercials are nature's way of saying go to fucking bed! I mean, who buys this shit anyways?" She shook her head at the absurdity of the idea, while my thoughts immediately focused on the Titan Peeler that may be making its way to my front door tomorrow.

"People, obviously, buy this stuff. And, obviously, the infomercials are effective because they're still on the air, right?" My reasoning was completely motivated by self-preservation.

"Oh my God, you're an infomercial shopper!" Bella laughed her large laugh again, falling over in her hysterics and rolling over onto her side on the couch.

"Okay, just get it out of your system now. Don't make me bring up the side of the road puking incident." I needed to remind her of my collateral.

She gasped, "You wouldn't? You can't tell anyone! Edward, promise me!" She crawled closer and reached for my leg, grabbing my thigh directly above the knee and squeezing, eliciting a very different physical response than what she was aiming for, I'm sure.

"You have to promise me. Say it. Say, I promise Bella." She was close now, her deep eyes dazzling.

"I promise, Bella," I whispered, and though she thought she was getting a different promise, I knew what I was really binding myself to. I made her a million promises in that second - some small, some large. I intended on fulfilling each one before I couldn't feel this anymore, before the void took over.

"Good." Bella said, removing her touch, but lying her head on the couch cushion almost touching my leg. She closed her eyes and within seconds she was snoring, the effects of the drugs and alcohol apparent in her peaceful slumber. I wondered if she would dream, perchance to speak my name once again.

I watched her sleep until the sun crashed through the shutters, streaming butterscotch into the dark room and bathing Bella in a glow of warmth and light, the wavelengths reflecting off the crystals of the chandelier and showering the room with rainbow slivers. I had trailed my fingers across her cheek to rouse her in the early hours of the morning, remembering the concussion. She had shifted and moved her face further into my touch, causing the slight electricity to spread through my arm and shoulder again.

It wasn't the first time I had felt that electrical pulse graze my arm, and the subtle tingle stirred a vivid memory. When I first moved here, I was helping Esme change the electrical outlet face plates. I couldn't get this one cover on, the tiny screw just wouldn't connect. So in my fifteen-year-old ignorance, I used the screwdriver, like an idiot, to pull the outlet closer to the cover. The minute I connected the screwdriver with the metal of the circuit I felt the electricity flow from the wall, the current slowly tingling up my arm. And I was unable for a moment to break the circuit, or even drop the screwdriver. I was attached, connected, fucking magnetism, the force overwhelming my basic impulse to pull away.

That is what Bella Swan is to me, that outlet, sending out her electrical pulse, and I am the idiot sticking out my screwdriver and willing to connect the circuit, even if it burns me, a magnetic force preventing me from ever pulling away.

…

I'm going to need more eggs, I thought to myself as I whipped the batter, combining the simple ingredients and eradicating any lumps that may have formed when I mixed in the dry ingredients. The sweet scent of vanilla hung in the air, its aroma intensified when I poured the fluid batter into the scalding pan, already doused with oil and rippling on the stove top. I picked up the pan, swirling the thin mixture to coat the bottom of the skillet. I let the batter set only an instant and then, using a spatula, flipped the crepe once, browning the opposite side and then tossing the thin, delicate circle onto a plate. I rubbed some butter into the center of the circle and folded the pastry into fourths. I quickly moved on to make the next, the tedious work ahead of me, set to repeat the process dozens of times before I was through. I had already prepared everything else, a lemon ricotta filling, lightly sugared strawberries and blueberries seeping in their own sweet juices, and garnishes of maple syrup and powdered sugar. I also prepared some eggs and bacon, in case Bella wanted that instead. I hadn't ever had a meal with her so I wasn't sure what she would like. But Lemon Ricotta Crepes are exceptional, and I haven't had a complaint yet.

It was past eight now and the house was quiet. Emmett hadn't come home until around three, sneaking in the back door and hurrying up to his room. He hadn't even noticed the slumber party going on in the family room, stumbling to his room down the hall from mine on the third floor, like a drunken ninja, his stupor severely inhibiting his stealth. Carlisle and Esme had come down for their coffee around seven, taking two cups upstairs for their weekend ritual. They always had their coffee on the balcony of their master suite on the weekends, just talking and catching up with each other, maybe reading the newspaper or a magazine, or playing cards or chess. It was a way for them to stay connected with each other, despite the crazy schedules that Carlisle worked sometimes.

Alice awoke first, squinting like hell as she walked into the sunny kitchen. Her hair was sticking up all over the place, one side completely flattened against her scalp. She had dark makeup smudged beneath her eyes and her dress was rumpled and disheveled. She looked like a homeless person.

"Wow, you look purty," I teased. She flipped me off before walking to the sink and pooling water into her cupped palms. She splashed the liquid to her face, wiping her eyes with a paper towel, black spreading on the absorbent paper, the inkblot spreading into dark sprawling patterns creating her own little intuitive insight into psychotic personality disorders.

She leaned over the sink, bringing her mouth to the faucet and drinking from the tap as I continued to pour the crepes.

"Ugh, my mouth is so dry. Did I sleep with my mouth open all night?" She stretched her body before hopping onto the countertop and taking her familiar post.

"Well you were pretty out of it, like dead to the world, snoring and shit," I flipped another crepe onto the plate. They were starting to pile up. People were going to have to get eating soon, or this shit was going to be ruined.

"So what's up with Bella?" Shit, she didn't waste any time did she? I had kind of known this would be coming and I had plenty of time to prepare my response as they slept this morning. I would give her the honest truth.

"What do you mean?" Well, she'd have to work a little bit for it, I don't just hand that shit out.

"Don't bullshit me, Edward. You were awful quick to be her prince charming last night. I didn't even realize you knew her. I didn't know, didn't see it coming. Do you know how much that pisses me off?" Alice folded her arms in front of her, confusion sneaking its way into every feature of her face.

I laughed at her expression. "Yeah, I do know, Alice. Bella's in my biology class." As if this would suffice.

"Yeah, picked up on that." She was still glaring at me expectantly. I drizzled a small amount of oil into the hot pan and when I didn't say anything she about exploded, leaning forward and slamming her hands on the counter beside her knees, eyes widening in fury. "Edward, fucking spill!"

"Okay, the truth. I like her." I poured the last of the batter into the pan, swirling the batter and watching it bubble. And it was blasphemy, I like her, to use these words to describe this compulsion. I mean, that's how you describe your affinity for stupid shit, like your favorite color or flavor of ice cream. But Alice would think I was insane if I told her the things I was thinking, how I needed to consume her, I yearned for her company, for her attention, and how every time she offered herself to me I wanted to greedily soak her up into my very being. It was quite disturbing, even to me, the sensations I was feeling for Isabella Swan. She was becoming my obsession and it scared the shit out of me.

Alice rolled her eyes, "You like her?" Alice's expression altered as she paused, her tone inquisitive now. "You like her like how you like running or how you like cooking?"

I wasn't quite sure where she was going with this so I decided to answer as carefully as I could. I weighed the two options. Running consumed me, it was a compulsion I couldn't resist, a release of energy, and I relished in the exhaustion that came with that release. But cooking, cooking was who I was. It was the one thing I could offer others, something I did well and took pride in. Cooking flowed through my veins, brought me peace, a constant on the brink of the black hole of my existence, just shy of singularity and tethering me to reality and awareness. There was no comparison, my choice evident immediately.

"She's like cooking, Alice." I said quietly, removing the pan from the heat now, snuffing out the fire.

"Then you don't like her, Edward." Alice leaned back on the counter unfolding her legs to swing in front of her. "You-"

Just as she was going to say it, and I knew what she was going to fucking say, Bella walked awkwardly into the kitchen. A sight to behold, her hair falling in small curls around her face, half of it still trapped in the knot which had now slid to the top of her shoulders. It struck me as a very intimate moment to see her this soon after coming out of unconsciousness. She still wore my sweatshirt, the sleeves pushed up around her wrists, and the length covering her to her knees. And I noticed at some point she must have taken off her shoes, I couldn't remember when, because here she was standing in argyle socks of gray and pink, the diamonds cutting a pattern across the top of her pretty feet. Her eyes were heavy with sleep and as I turned to look at her I felt a little insecure with my current appearance. For one thing, I was wearing the same clothes from last night, but I had added a very hard-core black apron, because bacon grease splatters like a son of a bitch.

Bella looked at my eyes first, her gaze trailing to the apron and back to my eyes, a grin spreading across her pink lips. Just as I suspected, she was going to give me shit for this.

But she didn't have a chance because I just shrugged my shoulders and turned to begin assembling the crepes. I unfolded each circle, placing a small dollop of ricotta and spreading the cheese mixture to coat the inside of the pastry. After a spooning of berries through the center, I rolled each crepe into a cylinder of delicate flavor fusion, the airy ricotta mixed with the tart of the lemon and sweetness of the berries. I created them all like this, filling the plates, drizzling with warm maple syrup and a slight dusting of powdered sugar. Behind me Alice and Bella were having a whispered conversation that I couldn't hear, despite my obvious straining to listen. Alice noticed this and pulled Bella from the room, taking her upstairs, probably to her room.

"Get Carlisle and Esme, will you? These are almost done," I shouted after her, annoyed with her decision to leave and strip me of Bella's presence. A few moments later, Esme and Carlisle came walking down the stairs, empty coffee cups in tow.

"Wow Edward, crepes? What's the special occasion?" Esme kissed me on the cheek, taking a plate from the counter by the stove.

"Nothing special. Just we had all the stuff and I haven't really made these in a while so…" I trailed off, hoping she'd buy that poor ass excuse, especially because she most likely knew of our house guest.

"Oh, I'm not complaining." Esme carried her plate into the dining room, Carlisle grabbing a plate for himself and following her.

Alice and Bella came down the stairs then, and Bella was no longer wearing my sweatshirt or my bun, but instead her hair was smoothed back into a pony tail and she had on a blue blouse. The yellow and red daisies chained in embroidery around the neckline forced my eyes to the span of skin stretched tight across her clavicles and sternum, notably exposing her small bones. She was really fucking skinny, making me even more eager to hand her a plate.

I held out two plates for each of them and they took the offering and walked silently into the dining area. I removed the apron, hesitating a moment to take a couple of deep breaths, and, grabbing my own plate, went to sit with my family.

"Are we waiting for Emmett?" I asked as I entered the room. I noticed that Bella had taken a place by Alice and I opted to sit across from Bella, so I could watch her enjoy the breakfast I made for her.

"I don't think Emmett is going to be up any time soon. He was out pretty late last night." So Carlisle had noticed the drunken ninja noisily climbing the stairs last night.

"No complaints from me. A day I don't have to watch Emmett eat is a glorious day indeed," I said as I watched Bella taste the crepes. She seemed hesitant, smelling the cheese first before taking a small nibble from the bite speared on the end of her fork. She looked up then, and seeing that I was watching, took the whole forkful into her mouth, chewing slowly. I was perplexed and couldn't stop myself from watching, because she actually looked pained accepting the food into her body, swallowing with difficulty and taking a large drink of the water from the pitcher I had set on the table earlier this morning. She met my eyes as she brought the cup from her mouth, a tight-lipped smile. She didn't like it.

"I made eggs, if you'd rather have that. And bacon," I said quietly, disappointment and humiliation coursing through me and tainting my casual tone.

"No!" She shook her head. "This is amazing. I'm just not really a breakfast person, takes me some time to get going in the morning, you know?" She looked away as she was speaking, fiddling with her fork. I went back to my meal, but my appetite was vacant, the crepes mocking my attempt to impress this girl.

"When you're finished, Bella, I can drive you home. I'm sure Charlie wants to make sure you're okay. You did inform him of what happened, didn't you?" Carlisle asked, but before Bella could answer, I interrupted.

"I can do it. I'll take her home." I knew she hadn't called Charlie and that she probably didn't want to explain it to Carlisle, and, of course, I wanted some more time with her. "Can I take you home?" I asked her, forcing her to make a choice.

"Okay," she said. She grinned again, genuine, though this time with more gusto, and cut another small piece of crepe with her fork. She ate without hesitation this time, continuing until her plate was nothing but a puddle of syrup and sugar, not participating in the conversation Carlisle, Esme and Alice were engaging in about some political scandal, just fucking enjoying the shit out of my creation. And with the resurgence of my appetite, I followed suit, my hope and pride swelling with confidence.

When Bella finished she excused herself to the restroom and I began to clean up the plates. Alice helped me take the plates from the table to the sink, Esme shooing us off as she began rinsing to load the dishwasher. Bella had been gone a while and I was hoping the cheese hadn't made her sick or something, especially considering the fact that the last thing she had had in her system was a shit load of Southern Comfort and Stout.

I looked at Alice, "Maybe you should go check on Bella," I said. She nodded and walked through the living room to the guest bathroom adjacent to the downstairs guest bedroom. I decided I should probably clean up a bit if I was going to be in my small car alone with Bella. I walked slowly up the stairs, the twinge in my side lessened by the pain medication I had taken this morning, opting for the Advil instead of the Vicodin I had taken last night. My little attempt at super-heroism had caused a strain to my rib injury, the pain worsening overnight.

When I got upstairs I washed my face in the sink of my bathroom, brushing my teeth thoroughly, flossing the strawberry seeds that lingered from breakfast. I changed my clothes, putting on deodorant again just to be sure I didn't smell like crepes and bacon and shit and, running my fingers through my hair, I walked downstairs to wait for Bella.

She was already waiting for me in the front sitting room, seated on the tapestry chaise. She had her belongings in her arms, ready to leave. And she just looked drained. Her eyes red and lifeless, staring at some minute detail in the carpet. She didn't look up as I walked into the room, just continued to stare at nothingness, a thick haze clouded over her normally deep eyes. What was going on with this girl?

"Are you ready to go?" I asked her. She startled out of her coma-like state, shaking her head quickly and, rising from the chaise, followed me out the front door to my car.

I opened the passenger side door for her and she lowered herself into the car without a glance in my direction, just a small "Thank you" as she took her seat. I softly closed the door, frustrated with the wide array of Bellas I'd seen this weekend. I mean, what the fuck? I thought I was the one with multiple personalities.

With a deep breath, I climbed behind the wheel of the Volvo, placing the key in the ignition and starting the engine. The gentle hum of the vehicle offered a decent distraction from her silence, the radio muted from last night's confusion.

As I drove along the highway, Bella's fog seemed to lift slightly. After a few moments she turned towards me to speak, I think, but she was unsure as to how to start. Then she found her voice.

"Thank you for breakfast, Edward." Her voice was quiet and small, a sharp contrast to the loud booming laughter of last night or, rather, early this morning.

"It's of a hobby of mine, cooking," I responded. "It's just something I kind of like to do."

She nodded in agreement, looking at her hands. We drove in silence a while longer, the car rapidly approaching her street. My time was almost up and I glanced sideways at her, trying to breathe, my eyes traveling the lines of her neck and shoulders, the bluish veins protruding and throbbing. Her lack of attention was festering in me now, her inattentiveness causing actual pain within my chest, a swell of panic building and causing oxygen to trap in my lungs. I had to do something, anything. I demanded her concentration now, craved it, and I felt I would surely stop breathing, at the very least, without it. Control slipped from my grasp.

"Bella!" My voice was all wrong, harsh and deep, the frantic gasping hardly disguisable. I didn't know how to stop this, my responses seemed to happen on their own now, my cognition bleeding away, making way for pure instinct and desire. What the fuck was I doing?

"What?" Bella's brow was hovering over her eyes, confusion and questioning overflowing in her brown pupils. She reached out her hand and gently touched my forearm, the energy burning into my skin, sending a wave pulsating through my body, cleansing the panic and pulling it back as the tide receded. My chest eased, letting the air escape from my lungs, a gush exhaling into the small space. My awareness returning, I realized I was shaking, my fingers barely able to control the vehicle. I pulled to the side of the road, stopping the car and bringing my hands to my face. A warm liquid drained onto my fingertips, tears I hadn't acknowledge.

"Edward? What's wrong? Hey, look at me. Look at me!" Bella's voice was clear and concise but I couldn't face her yet. Her fingers on my skin tightened, her seize was firm now. I didn't know what to tell her, because I didn't know what was wrong. Man, this is fucking me up.

I tested my voice and turned to face her, a reunion of green and brown as I spilled my gaze into hers. "Bella?" I whispered, my voice resigned, relief submerging the terror. "I'm just having a hard time…staying away from you." I breathed easy now, the gentle rise and fall meditative and soothing.

"No one told you to stay away from me, Edward." She loosened her grip on my arm, securing my gaze, and slid her fingers down to my wrist and around my hand to fuse her hand into mine. "See? You don't have to stay away."

With her hand in mine, fingers tangled and palm to palm, she continued. "Thank you Edward. For everything, for last night, for this morning, for this…right now." Her voice wavered in gratitude and she turned slightly to face me, static hovering in the space between us. She was leaning toward me now, the tip of her delicate nose millimeters from my jaw. I wanted this, wanted to tilt my head just so my lips would meet that skin, envelope her, draw her in. I felt her exhale a warm breath onto the skin of my neck, her lips parting in desire. I gasped and turned slightly, so that her nose was now against my skin.

But the monster within me wasn't easily forgotten. The reaction experienced just moments ago still seared in the back of my mind, and although yearning charged through my veins and spread over every inch of my skin, the vision of Bella holding my hand as I wept conjured up images of Chicago, of a different time and circumstance, but familiar all the same.

"We'd better get you home now," I said quietly. I pulled the car back onto the road as she slumped back into the seat, disentangling her hand from mine and folding her arms across her chest. She crossed her legs in the seat, all folded in on herself, and stared out the passenger window.

A few moments later I was pulling the car into the driveway of her house. She opened the car door and paused before getting out.

And she was going to fucking lay into me. I could see it coming. Bella turned to me, conviction and determination obvious in her blazing eyes, her lips pursed and ready to just let it fly. "I don't know what kind of fucked up mind games you people play here, but you can't just do that to somebody. You can't fucking "save" me," and yes, she actually used air quotes, "and then talk to me all night and cook that phenomenal breakfast and then fucking hold my hand and almost kiss me and then... You just can't, it's not decent. It's shit, Edward! This whole thing, it's shit!"

She left the car then, slamming the door hard enough to make the whole vehicle shake and causing me to flinch at the force. The minute she left my presence, with the confining walls of the car almost suffocating and her scent still thick in the vehicle, the panic began to build. She was storming up her walkway, a tiny ball of fury, rifling through her bag looking for a house key. I couldn't let her go.

And again my body moved of its own free will, adrenaline pumping in my head and heart, just rushing through my veins, and I frantically moved my feet to reach her before she found those keys. She was on the porch now, still searching her bag, her back to me. She tried the door once and thankfully it was locked.

I was close behind her then. "Bella, you forgot one thing," and when she turned to face me I pulled her face to mine and crashed into her, our lips meeting as the momentum of my rush to stop her forced my body into her. We melded together, my hand moving down her spine, feeling every vertebrate down to the small of her back, clutching the gauzy material and using it to pull her closer. She pressed her body against mine, her hand sliding up my neck and into my hair, weaving her fingers through the curls and slightly twisting the tendrils, the partner clutching my shirt, twisting the fabric and straining the material across my chest. Her tongue slid out to meet my bottom lip, licking the wound, and I instinctively flinched away, drawing back and breathing erratically. Her eyes, sensual and coveting, bore into mine and I slowly drew her mouth back to me, licking her lip now, as she parted her mouth and welcomed my tongue with her own. We kissed slow this time, the panic gone and the residing lust and heat just fucking radiating from us. And the monster was gone, silenced and content.

She pulled away from the kiss, leaving me leaning into her and I rested my forehead against hers. She looked up at me quizzically and I was equally as perplexed by her facial expression. I had to ask, "What?"

"Exactly. What did I forget?" She asked, completely serious.

"This!" I pointed, my finger vacillating back and forth between us. "And this." I placed a small, delicate kiss directly on her full mouth, lingering for a moment, and deciding to kiss her a few more times this way, slow and gentle.

And it was in this moment that we were interrupted by the strain of the opening of an old, weathered front door. Charlie, massive and thunderous, even in his weakened state, was glowering in the door frame.

"Get in the goddamn house, Bella."
...

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A/N

Do you think Charlie's pissed much?

Title is from the song Gallery by Joni Mitchell

Yeah, so n7 and I decided that Robward tastes like Lemon Ricotta Crepes with fresh blueberries and strawberries, drizzled with maple syrup and sprinkled with powdered sugar...you want to lick him, don't you?

*body spamming: unwanted physical contact

Was there swooning? Because I promised swooning and I have to make good on my promises! Reviews make me swoon!