For the Summer - 1991

That Time I You Brought The Skank

1991

Thelma and Louise, a movie about two women fleeing their caged lives, is released in May.

Perry Farrell organizes the first Lollapalooza as a farwell tour for his band Jane's Addiction.

The Chicago Bulls win the first of six NBA championships achieved during the 1990's.

…
It seems to me that epiphanies always happen at the worst possible time. Like, how I didn't realize bikinis weren't for water skiing until I almost lost my bottoms. Or like at prom when I figured out that Jacob liked me just seconds before he kissed me. Or like when I realize I love Edward.

I wear my sweatshirt all winter long, even when it's seventy degrees out, even when I'm sweating bullets in the stockroom. If I'm the least bit chilled, I pull that soft cotton reminder over my head and imagine what it feels like to be a college girl. I pretend I go to school with him and that I'm the girl he goes to parties with. I pretend I'm the one who satisfies his itch.

The moment I actually admit to myself that I love him isn't a big deal. It's actually really stupid. I'm in the shower, cursing because I have to shave and as I move the razor over my scarred knee, I instantly think of Edward. I think of how when I fell, he wanted to take me to his dad so he could bandage the cut. I think about how he brought me ice cream and how he knows my feet are ticklish. I think about how he knows everything; how I don't like to be told what to do, how I'm competitive and snotty and stubborn and how still, for some reason, when he puts his arms around me, I crumble. I think about how every year he brings me a gift and I have nothing for him. Not once has he asked for anything in return. Not once has he pushed or prodded or complained. He just gives.

And I say it out loud, in the shower, half my leg still hairy and soapy. "Oh, my God, I love him."

I smile the whole way to work. I sit at the counter while Leah does crossword puzzles and I'm content, just in knowing that I love Edward. I feel light and relieved, like I just sat down heavy groceries. I hum along with the songs on the radio, I think about how I can earn money for a plane ticket and I count the days until the start of the season on the calendar twice. I decide I'm going to call him. I want to hear his voice and it won't be weird because a long time ago he gave me his phone number. He wants me to call, he wants me to visit, even. I don't care if it's only for a second, I can call him. So after we close the store, I run home and search my jewelry box for his phone number.

I decide to use the office phone so my dad won't notice the long distance charges and because there's no way in hell I'm going to have a conversation with Edward in the kitchen. My dad drove into town to play poker with Harry Clearwater and Billy Black and my brother's currently flat on his back watching another episode of Quantum Leap. So I take my keys and run down to the office, creeping into the small dark room and I dial the number. It rings and rings until finally, he answers the phone.

"Hello?" he says and I freeze a moment. Say something you idiot!

"Hi, um, this is Bella, Bella Swan. From Willow Cove." Why did I call him? This is so stupid, so unbelievably stupid! He's not even going to know who I am!

"Bella? This Carlisle, Dr. Cullen. How are you, sweetheart? Is everything okay?" Oh, Jesus. Thank God, I did not call him Edward!

"Hi, Dr. Cullen. Everything's fine. Is Edward around?" I ask in my calmest, non-idiotical voice.

"Edward lives on campus at the University during the school year. Let me give you his number." He rattles off the number and says that he can't wait for the summer and hangs up. But I'm shaken. I had no idea Edward was living on campus. I automatically assumed because he lives in Seattle and his school's in Seattle that he would just live at home. Financially, it seems like such a waste to pay to live on campus, when you can live at home for free.

I check the clock. It's now after nine-thirty, but I dial the number anyway. It's Friday night, for crying out loud, if he's in bed at nine-thirty, the least I can do is tease him about it a little.

The phone is answered by some dude, and I hope to God it isn't Edward because this guy is completely shitfaced. He sounds just like Jacob does on the phone and Jacob only calls me when he's stoned.

"You've reached the Head Foundation, would you like to make a donation?" he tries to say in a serious tone and then bursts into laughter, the sound of dozens of voices laughing in the background.

"Can I speak with Edward Cullen, please?" I ask.

"Who?" Oh, pull it together man.

"Edward, Edward Cullen," I shout. Fricking potheads are useless.

"Oh! Big C. Naw, he's not here, baby. Is this Tanya?" he asks and I cringe away from the phone.

"No, can-"

"Irina?"

"No, just-"

"Wait, is this Angela?" I don't like the way he says this girl's name, like she's different from the various skanks Edward's hooking up with. His voice is almost reverent like. I don't like this. I don't like this one fricking bit.

Without another word, I hang up the phone. Apparently Edward's been awfully itchy this year. I sit in my dad's chair at his desk and I'm shaking, my hands are literally shaking and I realize I'm breathing very heavily. I close my eyes, trying to regulate my breathing, trying to not throw up.

It's fine, Bella. He's not yours, he has no loyalties to you, he can date whoever he wants. It's fine.

Actually, I expected this. Of course, Edward has girlfriends. Of course, he's not home at nine-thirty on a Friday night. I am such a fricking fool!

So I'm not really surprised when Emmett corners me at the store to tell me Edward's bringing a girlfriend to Willow Cove this year. I knew this day would come. Ever since that time he brought his friends from Seattle, I knew someday he would show up with one of his girlfriends. I'm not shocked. I'm not sad. I'm not even feeling sorry for myself.

I am livid.

Thank God Rose called before they left to warn my brother. I'm sure I would have made a complete ass of myself. I'm just furious he would bring her here. This is our place, and now he's going to parade his happiness around in front of my face. Look how well I'm doing without you, Bella. Look how easy you are to replace.

I know everything I'm feeling is wrong. But I still feel it. I still want to hate her. I still want to hate him. But I can't. It's not his fault. It's just how it goes, epiphanies always happen at the worst possible time.

Of course! Of course when I figure out I love Edward, he decides to be with someone else. Of course, when I decide I maybe want to try this quasi-serious, part-time relationship thing with him, he's already in a relationship, and a real one at that. It's so fucking typical I almost want to laugh. You hear that universe? You're fucking typical! No, I will not be jealous. I will not hate her. I am a rock, cool stone, like marble or something of equal hardness. I will pretend like a son-of-a-bitch that this does not affect me in any way.

The Cullens arrive three days later and I'm fully prepared to plaster on my game face. Edward parks his Volvo by the big black Mercedes and I strain to see them from my bedroom window. A willowy brunette slides out of the front seat of the silver car, followed by Alice and Jasper from the back. Great. They've all been road trip bonding for the last two days and now I am odd man out. Seems like a running theme in my fricking disaster of a life.

Emmett knocks on my door. He's worried, his face strained as he comes to deliver the bad news. Edward and his skinny-ass skank of a girlfriend are here.

No, Bella. No jealousy and no name calling. Calm. Cool. Under control. Great, now my life's a fricking deodorant commercial.

"Hey, they're here. Come say hi," Emmett urges and I give him a scowl. I hate the look on my brother's face. I hate that he feels the need to come warn me and look so damn concerned. I can handle this. I'm fucking rock, remember?

"Rose and I are totally on your side, by the way," he says.

"What, are we gonna rumble?" I snort and Emmett rolls his eyes.

"You know what I mean, Bella. We all know you and Edward have this…thing. I don't understand it and I don't pretend to, but that doesn't mean it isn't there." He fiddles with the knickknacks on my dresser. "I just thought you'd like to know that Rose and I…we just understand, okay?"

Rose and I, he says it like it defines him, like it's his identity or something.

"Thanks," I mutter, tears filling my eyes. God, I hate crying in front of my brother.

"Hey, sis. It's fine. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to," Emmett says as he sits on my bed beside me.

"What do you mean, supposed to?" I ask, the tears spilling down my cheeks. "Like fate? Well, fate is an asshole. Besides, I don't even believe in fate. If you want something, you should just go out there and get it."

"Bella…" my brother trails off cautiously and I roll my eyes.

"Oh relax, I'm not going to make a scene," I say and he chuckles. "I'll be good, I promise."

"You realize this is just one summer, right? He'll be back again next year. And chances are, she probably won't," my brother says and I stare at him now. No, that didn't occur to me at all but he's right. Edward has had girlfriends before, he's never brought them here, but maybe he didn't have a choice. Maybe there's some excuse, some reason she had to come along.

Maybe he loves her.

Maybe she's a distraction.

Maybe she's just pushy as all hell.

I secretly hope it's the last one.

Emmett and I walk down to the Cullen's unit and Rose is out the door and in my brother's arms in a heartbeat. She hugs him tight around his middle, her figure tucking perfectly into his tall frame. He whispers something into her ear before giving her a very meaningful kiss. Hi, how are you, I missed you, I love you, it's all conveyed in this one lovely kiss.

Jasper and Alice stand in the doorway and I can see the stress on Alice's face. It matches my brother's expression just moments ago and she rushes to give me a hug.

"Don't be mad at him, okay?" she says into my ear and I nod. Of course not. This isn't his fault. I've had my chance. I've had dozens of chances and I passed them all up.

Edward appears in the door frame, his lips spreading into a sly grin when he sees me and I can't help but smile back. It's like a compulsion now. His hair is long, really long, like almost to his chin and he's wearing baggy shorts and a plain white t-shirt. His girlfriend stands beside him now and before I know it, Edward pulls me into a big hug, lifting me off the ground and kissing my cheek.

"I missed you," he whispers into my ear. He smells like soap and cigarettes and I wonder if he's been smoking. I also wonder if he's on something because he's way too giddy giving me a hug and kiss in front of his girlfriend, who just smiles and waits on the porch patiently.

"Um, Bella, this is Angela," Edward says as she rushes forward and wraps her arms around my neck. What the hell? Welcome to awkwardville, population me. I just stand there with my arms hanging at my side because I don't know why this crazy bitch is hugging me.

"I've heard so much about you! The infamous Bella," she says as she pulls away and I finally get a good look at her. Her face is thin and pointy and long, her brown eyes large and dark. She not overly pretty but she's not ugly either. Her face is just interesting, I guess. Her hair is pulled back in a French braid and she's wearing a black tank top with jean shorts. Nothing extravagant, just typical river clothes. She's very average. Everything about her is just average.

"Angela goes to school with me. She's an art major, Bella," Edward says beside her. How is he so natural about this? He's acting so normal, like this is no big deal and I swear, I'm starting to think I imagined there was something between us, something more than just friendship. How can this be so easy for him? Oh yeah, because he's the one with a girl on his arm. He's the one with a distraction, I guess.

"Edward tells me you're a photographer?" Angela asks and I shrug.

"Not really, I just mess around," I say and shove my hands in my pockets, trying to pretend it's not the weirdest thing on the planet to be having a conversation with Edward's girlfriend about photography.

"No, she doesn't. She's really good. Bella, you have to show her your dam pictures," Edward says and I bite my lip, suppressing a grin.

Angela catches on. "Yeah, Bella, you'll have to show me your dam pictures. I'm sure your dam pictures are great."

"Yeah, my dam pictures are some of my best dam work," I add, and I can't hide the grin any longer.

Edward rolls his eyes and laughs and I find myself laughing too. Oh Jesus, this is worse than I thought. Edward's girlfriend isn't a dumb skank or a pretentious bitch. She's just a girl, like me and she's actually kind of cool. And out of all the things I'm feeling; anger, jealousy, disappointment, sadness, sick to my stomach, not once do I feel hate. This is bad. This is really, really bad.

"I was just going to show Angela the docks," Edward says. "I'm going to take some bread down there and feed the fish."

"Those fish are so gross," I shudder.

"You know the first time I met Bella, she threw a bag of bread at me," he laughs and I grin. "And then, later that summer she punched me in the gut."

"You said my hair looked like a deflector shield!" I defend. "What was I supposed to do?"

"Yeah, well, you love me now, so it's all good," Edward says casually and I let me smile falter for an instant, my eyes flashing up to Angela's. Get it together Bella! But Angela just smiles, warm and confident and accepting. God, I can practically see the kindness glowing around her.

This summer just might kill me.

…

For once in my life, I'm glad I have to work in the store. Here, with Leah, I can talk shit all I want. That's what work has become this year, a megabitch purging session.

"God, she's just so fucking nice. There must be something wrong with her, no one's really that nice. Maybe she's a crack whore," Leah suggests and I giggle. The snarky bitch in me likes Leah making fun of Angela. Yeah, yeah, it's not gracious behavior on my part, but whatever. I've been gracious all summer.

I was gracious when we barbecued on the Fourth and I had to drive into town to get veggie patties for her because she's doesn't eat meat. I was gracious when she couldn't get up on skis and made me keep pulling the boat around because she's ridiculously stubborn and refused to give up until she finally did it. I was gracious when she wanted the last Big Otis yesterday and I gave it to her, knowing we weren't getting a delivery for two more days. I have been gracious, dammit, and now, for one second, I just want to be mean. It makes me feel just a teensy bit better and I know it's ugly, but Leah doesn't care if I'm ugly. She's on my side no matter what, like Thelma and Louise.

"Maybe she has a sixth toe on her right foot," I say as I glance out the window, noticing a familiar reddish head on the swings outside. It's Edward, and he's alone and I'm intrigued. Where oh where is the girl wonder? "Hey, I'm taking a break okay?"

I'm out the door and I barely catch Leah's sarcastic remark about Angela's probable third nipple.

Edward glances up as I walk down the sidewalk, the heat causing goosebumps on my arms and legs. I wore my hair loose today and already I'm wishing I had a band so I could tie it back. God, the sun is so intense, almost as intense as Edward's green eyes on me.

"Hey," I say as I pull my shorts down to cover the back of my legs and sit on the plastic seat. I dig my toe into the dirt. I've done a really good job of rock impersonating so far. I'm pretty sure Edward has no idea that I've cried myself to sleep at least once a week since he's been here.

"Hey," he says and I make the mistake of peeking at him through my hair. He's upset, sad, I think and immediately my rock wall starts to splinter.

"Where's you posse?" I ask him and he sighs.

"I needed a break, you know. I just wanted to be alone for a second." Edward pushes his hair out of his eyes and behind his ears.

"Oh, sorry, I'll go, I just wanted to say hi," I get up and Edward grabs my hand and my heart stops.

"No, not you. I just meant I need to be away from them," he says and I stand there, letting him hold my hand. I let the boy that I love who already has a girlfriend hold my hand. Nice one, Bella. Going for bitch of the year?

"Don't leave, please?" Edward asks and of course, I sit my ass right back down on that swing because refusing Edward's just one of those things I can't seem to do.

"So, Angela's nice," I say, trying to make small talk.

"Yeah," Edward says and I hate this silence.

"Your hair's really long," I comment and Edward just nods.

"How's school?" I try.

"It sucks," he says, as he hangs his head and I sigh. This is really fricking ridiculous. He's acting like a big baby!

"So, um, why do you have a stick up your ass?" I ask him and his head snaps up. He smiles and lightly bumps his swing into mine.

"I don't have a stick up my ass," he responds. "Why do you have a stick up your ass?"

"I don't. I have been perfectly pleasant," I say proudly and Edward chuckles.

"You have. You've been polite and quiet and very nice," Edward says as he nudges my foot. "And I kinda hate it."

I stare at our feet, his expensive basketball sneakers gently kicking the side of my knockoff Keds and I don't understand. I've done everything in my power to make sure I don't ruin this trip for him, so I won't look like a fool and he hates it?

"How can you just act like this doesn't bother you?" He asks and I'm furious now. He couldn't just leave it be. He couldn't just let me be a rock, take a fricking clue and let me deal with this. He wants to talk about it. God, that's so like him! Forcing the most uncomfortable situation and making it even more unbearable. And hello, hypocrite city!

"What do you want me to do, Edward? Storm around here making a spectacle of myself?" I ask him and I'm not even being sarcastic. Does he really expect that of me? Do they all expect that of me? Is that why Rose called, why my brother suddenly felt the need for a heart to heart, why Alice had to whisper in my ear to play nice?

"That's not what I meant," he mutters and something in his voice just makes me deflate. I take a deep breath and just decide to be honest.

"It does bother me. But it's just the way it is, you know?" I answer to the ground. He pushes my hair behind my ear, his fingers lightly trailing down my neck and sending shivers across my skin.

"Yeah, I know," Edward says and I look up to see my dad walking into the store. Shit! He's gonna be pissed if he sees me out here with Edward when I'm supposed to be working.

"I gotta go," I say in a hurry and stand up. "Listen, I don't have to work tomorrow. We can go out on the water, if you want. We can take my dad's boat."

"Yeah, that would be fun. Hey, can we go to Australia?" he asks and I nod. I jog back to the store and sneak in the back door, hoping my dad's not in the stockroom.

I grab a flat of canned goods and make my way into the store. My dad's at the register, checking the tape and counting the cash. He looks up as I walk in, his mustache twitching a little as he gives me a warm smile. I smile back, internally sighing in relief.

Setting the flat on the floor, I glance out the window and Edward's still out there. Fricking frick! What did I just get myself into? Not only do I have to convince my dad to let me take the boat, but now I have to spend the whole day with Angela and I have to be gracious again, dammit.

"Hey, Dad? Do you think I can take the Cullens on the boat tomorrow?" I ask.

"The Cullens, huh?" my dad says as he closes the register. He pulls the cigarette from behind his ear and puts it between lips.

"Emmett can't take us because he's working and I've hardly been out on the water this summer," I plead and my dad just walks out the door. I follow him outside, my eyes darting to the swings but Edward's gone. He stops to light his cigarette and takes a long drag before squinting at me from beneath his cap.

"Yeah, okay, you can take the boat. But you make sure you use the flag and you watch the prop," my dad exhales. "And you mind the clouds tomorrow. There's supposed to be a storm rolling in the next couple days. If those clouds get dark, you head into the marina, no questions asked, got it?"

I nod, and my dad takes another puff on his cigarette. "You know, Jacob Black's been begging me for a job all summer."

"He already has a job, Dad. And we can't afford to hire anyone else, you said so yourself," I say pointedly. Oh God, if Jacob works here I will die, my life will literally be over. As it is, I have to deal with him poking his nose around here once a week.

"Apparently, Billy's hurting for business. With the economy the way it is and the war and everything, people have been taking their boats home. Everyone's hurting, Bella. It's just a thought. You know Marcus is moving to Colorado in a couple weeks and your brother could use some help up at the office." Marcus is the maintenance guy. He cleans up the docks and does repairs and stuff. Jacob would actually be good for this job. If he wasn't Jacob, of course.

"Dad, please don't hire Jake," I plead and my dad flicks his cigarette butt to the ground.

"I thought you and Jake were friends?" he asks and I sigh, I don't really want to talk about this, but I don't want Dad to take back boat privileges either.

"Jacob is Emmett's friend. Not mine," I say shortly. "And he smokes weed. He has a plant growing in his closet."

My dad chuckles, dismissing my claim, and kissing my forehead. "I'm not saying I'm gonna hire him right now, but if we need help, he's the next one in line for the job."

…

"So Bella, I was wondering if I could talk to you about Edward."

I inhale a jelly belly, a cinnamon one and it's hot and stuck in my throat. Oh, God, I'm going to die on this stupid cove, choking on candy in front of Edward's girlfriend. I cough, clutching at my chest, the beads of my green bikini smacking against my neck as Angela pounds on my back.

"Are you okay? Bella? Do you need the Heimlich?" Oh yes, that's exactly what I need. Please save my life, because I'm not pathetic enough as it is.

I gag up the hard candy and spit it out, coughing and then laughing at my own stupidity.

"Fricking jelly beans," I laugh and Angela smiles softly. "It's like a sign I should stop eating sweets, huh?"

"No way, I don't think I could survive without chocolate," Angela says and I nod.

"Oh my God, me too. Sugar is like my nemesis. I know it's out there to destroy me, but without it I'm virtually useless," I say, popping another jelly belly in my mouth as Angela laughs.

"Edward's right, you are funny," she says. I don't know what to say, so we just sit in silence for a few minutes that feel like hours. Jasper and Edward took Rose and Alice out on the WaveRunners, leaving me to entertain Angela. It's surprisingly easy to talk to her, she's friendly and laughs at my jokes. We talk about art, she specializes in ceramics and pottery and I immediately imagine her and Edward reenacting that scene from Ghost and I feel sick. I do not want to talk to her about Edward. I hardly want to think about her and Edward.

"I tried to talk to Alice about this, but she and Rose said that you know him best," Angela starts out of nowhere and without any distractions, I'm a millisecond away from a heart to heart with my best friend's girlfriend.

"I'm just a summer friend. Maybe Jasper? I know he's really close with Jasper," I say, trying to deflect the conversation.

"No, this is definitely girl talk," Angela says as she leans back in her chair and grabs her sunblock. She slathers the lotion over her flat stomach and on her chest and arms. She's not as pale as the other Seattle inhabitants and her skin has soaked up the sun, leaving her with a dark tan that looks nice against her black sporty two-piece. She's almost as tan as I am.

"Well, I'm not much of a girl. I mean, I'm a girl, like I have the anatomy, or whatever, but everyone always tells me I think like a guy," I ramble nervously.

"Yeah, Edward said that too," Angela laughs and I frown. "He said you think like him."

"I guess he would know," I mutter.

"Anyway, I also know about your past. You guys kind of had a thing when you were teenagers," she says and I'm sure my face is beet red. Technically, I still am a teenager. I won't be twenty for another month. A thing, huh? That's what Edward said, we had a thing? I guess there's really no other way to describe it, especially to your new girlfriend.

"This trip is kind of a huge deal in our relationship. I mean, I…Edward's really special to me but it's like he's stuck in this mopey mindset and nothing I do makes it any better. I thought maybe he was just getting sick of me or something but then he told me about this trip and I don't know…I just feel like we connect, you know? Like our connection is more than just chemical reactions in our brains, like it's cosmic. Like, there's this spark between us…" she trails off and I want to kill Alice. She did this on purpose. She sent this poor girl to me to talk about sparks and connections and Edward. What the hell does she think this will accomplish?

"I'm not sure what you are asking," I say helplessly.

"I'm getting to it, I promise. Anyway, we get along pretty well, we have the same ideals, we both like to do outdoorsy things, we both like basketball and the arts, so all in all, I'm pretty satisfied. With that aspect of our relationship." Oh God, I can see where this is going, like it's a lit up billboard on the Las Vegas strip. Sex. She's going to talk about their sex life.

Really universe? Really?

"Um, I don't know if-" I start but Angela's in the zone. She's decided she's talking to me about this and there's nothing I can do to stop her.

"Edward won't have sex with me," she blurts out and then erupts into tears. Oh, holy emotional outburst, what the hell do I say to this? Me neither?

"I've tried everything, Bella. I've bought sexy lingerie, a wide variety of sex toys, booked hotel rooms, but every time he has a chance to seal the deal, he diverts. Don't get me wrong, the boy's got skills, I mean, have you seen his fingers? And trust me, musicians have phenomenal dexterity, you know?" Oh for the love of Jesus, just shut up. Why did she have to bring up those fingers? Please, please, please, just stop talking. But she doesn't, of course not, that would be far too easy.

"I'm starting to think there's something wrong with him, like maybe he's depressed or something. Or maybe it's me? I just don't know what to do," Angela wipes her face with her towel and now I'm thinking about his fingers, in my bedroom and that summer when we were seventeen that we spent getting each other off while INXS played in the background.

"Have you talked to Edward about this?" I try to say in a calm voice. I sound like my mom.

"Yeah, he just says he's not ready. What does that mean, Bella?" Angela pleads and I scratch at an itchy spot on my back. She looks down at her hands. "Do you think maybe you could ask him about it?"

Yes, that is exactly what I would like to spend my very tense, very limited time with Edward talking about. Oh geez, why does she have to be so nice? I'd have no problem telling a bitch to fuck off. But she's not a bitch, she seems genuinely upset.

"Yeah, I'll try," I mutter and once again, the queen of unsolicited public displays of affection wraps her arms around my neck. I awkwardly pat her back, her skin sticky from the recently applied sunblock before she sits back in her chair, and a hopeful grin takes the place of her tears.

This information is a bit unsettling. If Angela's just a flash in the pan, like those other girls, Edward would have no problem sleeping with her. Then again, I pulled this same shit with Garrett. Every time he started talking about sex, I'd give him a blow job. No guy's gonna say no to head, it's like one of those unwritten laws, like be kind rewind. Garrett's a nice guy, I just didn't want to have sex with him because I knew it wouldn't mean anything.

And just like that I'm anticipating Edward's answers just as much as Angela is.

When everyone gets back to the cove, we have lunch and plan to go for a tube ride afterward. We tie two of the big tubes to the back of the boat and they take turns trying to knock each other off while I drive, sitting on a couple life vests so I can see over the windshield.

"Hey, I want to drive your boat," Edward leans over from the seat beside me as we wait for Alice to climb back into one of the tubes. He's wearing his dark sunglasses, his hair falling in his face and his freckled nose and cheeks are tinted pink. I've been avoiding looking at him all summer. I mean, really, why does he have to go shirtless all the time? It's like he's rubbing those stinking hip bones in my face.

Actually, I'd be more than thrilled if he were rubbing those hip bones in my face.

Get a fricking grip, he has a girlfriend! Think deodorant. Cool, marble, deodorant.

"I don't know if you can handle it," I say doubtfully and he smirks.

"You can barely see over the windshield! Come on, Bella. Teach me how to drive your boat," he pleads and I want to smack him for being so suggestive.

"Fine," I mutter and he crouches between the seats. "It's really easy. You push the throttle forward to go, pull it back to stop."

Just then Angela yells hit it from one of the tubes, and I push the throttle forward. Edward's not ready for the acceleration and he flies back, gripping my knee to steady himself. Heat floods through my body and he quickly removes his hand and mouths an apology that I can't hear as he slides back into his chair.

I snake across the river to create a good sized wake as I pull Angela and Alice on the tubes. Angela is bigger and delivers more of a punch but Alice can sink lower into the tube which helps her stay afloat. Her tube's practically flying at this point, but God help her, Alice is a fighter. She's holding on for dear life and her persistence pays off, because Angela hits the wake and goes flying. Rose laughs as Jasper and Edward cheer simply because they love to see anyone eat it and hit the water. I turn the wheel and pull the boat around to pick her up.

The girls climb into the boat, and we pull in the tubes. I motion to Edward to take a seat behind the steering wheel and he grins as he pushes my life vest booster seat out of the way.

I show him how to steer and turn, standing beside him with my hand on the back of his chair. Angela sits in the seat next to us and I feel horribly awkward situated in the space between them.

Around four in the afternoon, the clouds start to hover low and I'm reminded of what my dad said yesterday about the storms. Rose wants to take the WaveRunners out one last time so we jet up the river, Edward and Angela on one, Rose and I take the other, leaving Alice and Jasper back at the cove to do God only knows what. The hot sun is covered in clouds, and the humidity of the pending summer storm hangs thick in the air.

I grip the handlebars and Rose clutches onto my vest. We're racing Edward and Angela to the next mile marker, the reflective posts stuck in the bank signaling the finish line. I can see Angela's arms wrapped around his waist, her lips pressed into the back of his neck and I grit my teeth. I gun it and peek over my shoulder. Edward lowers his head in determination and I smile. I knew he wouldn't back down from a challenge.

I weave in front of him just as a large speedboat races down the opposite side of the river. I wave to the boat, a common courtesy out here on the water and I'm not prepared for the wake. I almost lose control as I hit the frothy wave, the water spraying my face as Rose shouts profanities and hangs onto my vest for dear life.

I steady the WaveRunner and turn around. Edward's alone on his watercraft and I can see what I assume to be Angela in the water a good thirty feet behind him. I head over and pull alongside them. Angela starts swimming over to us and Edward's trying to start the ignition.

"What happened?" I ask and Edward shakes his head.

"We hit that wake and Angela went flying. I must have pulled the kill switch accidentally and now it won't start," he says.

"It's probably just flooded." I unhook the switch from my vest. "Hey, Rose can you go pick up Angela?"

"Sure," she says and clips the switch to her vest. I jump in the water and swim over to Edward as she turns around and heads off towards Angela. I climb onto the back of the WaveRunner, Edward's coy grin beaming down at me from under his long wet hair.

"Move over," I say, fighting a smile. I crawl over his leg, trying not to focus on our wet legs sliding against each other, or his hand lightly touching my vest in an attempt to steady the balancing act as we switch places.

He hands me the kill switch and I plug in. I turn the key and the engine just turns. No spark.

"Yep, it's flooded. We're going to have to wait until it dries out. Stand up real quick. I want to check if there's a tow rope in there." Edward balances on the back of the WaveRunner and lifts the seat as I stand. Nothing. Shit!

Rose pulls alongside us. Angela's sitting on the back and she keeps running her finger along the lower lid of her eye.

"Everything okay?" Rose asks and I shake my head.

"Naw, the engine's flooded. We're stuck for at least a half hour or so." I look up at the sky, the clouds darkening as we speak. We're going to need to get off the water soon.

"I need to go back to the marina," Angela says. "I lost a contact when I hit the water."

"O-kay," I say and Angela gives me a pointed glance. Oh crap! The sex talk. She wants me to have the talk out here on the water, with his hair all dripping wet in his eyes. Is she insane?

"Rose, can you take me back to the marina?" Angela asks and Rose gives me an exasperated look.

"We gotta get off the water anyway," I say quickly. "Those clouds are going to dump soon."

"Fine," Rose grumbles.

"You might want to send Emmett back for us, just in case I can't get it started and we need a tow. Oh, and maybe give Alice and Jasper a heads up," I say and Rose nods. Angela's hopeful face is the last thing I see as they speed off.

It's just me and Edward floating silently on the WaveRunner. All I've wanted all summer is to be alone with him and now that I am, I don't know what to say. He's been quiet this whole time and I nudge his calf with my heel. We sit back to back, our vests bumping together as we rock on the gentle waves and I try to find a discreet way to bring up his sex life.

The words out of my mouth, however pick a whole different fight.

I'm not sure what prompted the outburst. Maybe it was the god-awful silence, or the fact I couldn't see his face but I knew he is listening, or the fat rain drops that began to dot across my legs and arms. I don't know but in that moment, I lost all communication with my brain filters. All systems have been disconnected, mayday, mayday. I'm going down.

"How could you bring her here? To our place? To share our summer? How could you do that to me?" I blurt out. I feel him shift, his body nudging me forward a little.

"What? What are you talking about?" Edward responds.

"You knew this would hurt me and you did it anyway. Why would you do that to me?" I accuse.

"Not everything is about you, you know? God, you're so selfish sometimes. Why couldn't this be about me? Why couldn't this be about me trying to have a vacation with my girlfriend?" he asks, his voice sharp.

"Is that what this is? Because if that's true, I will leave it alone, Edward. If it's truly about you trying to have a wonderful vacation with your lovely girlfriend, I will leave it the fuck alone. Is that what this is really about?" I challenge. I almost don't really want his answer.

He leans into my back and is quiet for a long time, the sound of the storm thudding against the water the backdrop to his silence.

"I'm not sleeping with her," Edward confesses. I guess it's been on his mind too. "I don't want to hurt her like that."

"Well, you already are hurting her. She thinks it's her fault." Edward turns quickly, causing the small watercraft to rock. "She wants me to ask you about it. She thinks you're depressed. Or that you don't find her attractive, I guess."

"It's not her fault. I just…I know, this thing between us isn't going anywhere. She's nice, you know. She's really smart and funny, but I don't want to, I don't know, go there, when I know I don't love her."

"But you sleep with other girls, ones far less desirable," I argue.

"I know. That's the whole point. Those other girls, I'm not myself when I'm with them. I'm drunk or stoned or whatever, it's not me and half the time I don't even remember. But with Angela, God, I don't even know how it happened. One minute she's hanging out sometimes at our dorm, then she's there everyday and she's just really nice, you know, like too nice. And then she's kissing me and making dates and plans and shit. She bought me tickets to Lollapalooza for my birthday.

Then she asked me about summer vacation and I told her about the marina. I think I said something like, you should see the sky out there, it's amazing and she took it as an invitation. And I knew it would hurt you, I did. But you've got that guy, Garrett or whatever his name is. We're both with other people, you know." He pulls his leg over the seat, sitting sideways on the bench, his hand picking at the thread on the back of my life vest.

"I'm not with other people, Edward. I broke up with Garrett last summer. After the houseboat," I tell him. I mirror his position, balancing his weight by pulling my legs over the opposite side of the bench. I'm facing him now, my hip against his thigh, but I can't bring myself to look at his face.

"But Alice said you…" Edward doesn't finish his sentence and I hear a crack of thunder somewhere over the desert, and the sky opens up.

"What did Alice say?" I ask him.

"She said you were in love." He pulls his leg across the bench to straddle the seat completely now. He's facing me and there they are, dancing fiery green burning into me and my chest feels like it's going to burst. It's raining hard now and streaming down his face and in his long hair. The water's starting to get choppy and I brace myself against the handlebars.

"Well, maybe I am," I whisper and he moves his face closer, the hot rain running off my nose and into my stunned gaping mouth.

"I don't like it that you don't call or write me. It's like you forget about me during the year," Edward says quietly, his breath on my face, his hand on the back of my vest.

"I don't like it that you get drunk and sleep with skanks," I breathe. "And I did try to call you. Your roommate answered and called me half a dozen girl names when I asked for you and I hung up."

"I don't like it either. I hate myself for it. They're nothing, you know? And I don't mean anything to them either. I don't mean anything to anyone." His rain soaked cheek presses against mine and I close my eyes trying to fight back tears.

"You're wrong," I whisper, my chest heaving as I try to breathe. Before I know what I'm doing, my lips have found his and my tongue forces its way into his mouth and it is the sweetest relief I've ever felt. He's frantic and greedy, sucking on my lip, his fingers clutching the back of my neck and squeezing my thigh. There's another crack of thunder, the electricity humming through the air as the rain falls in sheets now. I can't stop kissing him, his tongue rolling and pulsing with mine. He tastes like sunblock and rain water and a tiny hint of jelly bellies. His hands are desperate to find my skin but the life vests cause too much space between us. I run my fingers through his long, rain slicked hair and his mouth moves to my neck, his hand running the length of my thigh and the sky alights with flashes of energy.

"We need to get off," I pant and Edward snorts, the slip causing my ears to burn.

"The water, I mean. We're sitting ducks out here on the water. We need to get to the shore," I clarify and this causes Edward to just laugh harder.

"You're such an ass," I roll my eyes and push him away. He grabs my hand, pulling it to his face and kissing my fingers, my palm, my wrist.

"Come to Seattle with me," Edward says softly and I freeze, unsure if I heard him correctly.

"What?" I ask, closing my eyes. The rain is pummeling us, the light wind causing it to fly in sideways.

"It's not like you have anything going on here, come with me to Seattle," he pleads and I frown.

"I can't leave Edward, I have a job," I say indignantly. I know what he means, but his words sting, like I have nothing here that's important, like what I do here during the year means nothing.

"Your dad could hire someone else," Edward argues and I shake my head.

"No, he can't. He can't afford to hire anyone right now. As it is, I work for peanuts, gas money and shit. I can't do that to him, not right now." Edward looks down and I see the emotion invading his beautiful features. Rejection.

"Hey," I say, pushing his hair behind his ear. "I'm not saying no, just not now."

He closes his eyes, his hand clutching mine to his lips again and he nods. Acceptance.

Just then I hear the roar of a boat and I can see my brother standing up at the helm and fighting the choppy water. I wave over to him and he pulls alongside us, throwing me the rope and I tie it off to the front of the WaveRunner when I realize, I haven't even tried to start it again. I was distracted.

Edward and I climb into the boat and my brother takes us back to the marina. We sit on the back bench, my hip against his calf, his legs stretching a lot farther than they used to. We hold towels up in front of our faces to block the rain and wake water and I can't see him but he uses his toes to pull at the strings of my bikini bottoms. I can't even return the pestering because the tips of my toes barely reach his thigh now. I give him a turtle bite instead, pulling the hair on his leg and he yelps.

It isn't until we pull into the marina, when I see Angela standing on the dock in the rain, her shorts and tank top soaked through, her arms crossed over her chest and her eyes wrought with panic that I realize what I've done. I kissed another girl's boyfriend.

But he was mine first, I try to rationalize.

He's not yours now.

Oh God, I'm going to be sick. I swing my legs away from Edward, and hold the towel to my face as I let the tears spill from my lids. Angela is going to hurt because of this, because of me and she, of all people, does not deserve this. This is wrong, this is so very, very wrong.

I climb onto the bow and jump onto the dock as Emmett pulls the boat into the slip. I wrap the rope around the cleat and watch out of the corner of my eye as Edward steps off the side of the boat and walks over to her. He keeps looking over at me and I wish he'd stop being so fricking obvious, at least until I can get the hell out of here. And then, there it is. Confirmation. She tries to kiss him and he backs away. Then like a dumbass idiot, he glances over at me again. I immediately look down, my face burning red, the rain beating on my back, but I'm far too nosy for my own good. I sneak a look and watch as Angela's eyes dart between us, her face changing from worry to fear and then disgust. I catch her eyes searing into mine and I crumble. I can't tell if it's the tears or the rain blurring my vision, but I watch as she lifts her chin. She knows. And she's not going to wait for an explanation.

Without another glance, Angela turns and walks away.

She walks away from Edward.

Something I know I'll never be able to do.

Edward and Angela leave the next day in the Volvo. He doesn't say good bye, he sends my present over with Alice, a Chicago Bulls Championship tank top and I can't even enjoy the gift. I don't deserve it, I don't deserve anything. I hate myself for what I've done. Alice tries to make me feel better but I still know in my heart what I am.

"I'm a cheater, Alice. The other woman. I'm disgusting. I should have one of those big red A's sewn onto all my tank tops," I cry into her lap as we sit on my bed. She smoothes her hand through my hair and I like the way my scalp tingles.

"It was just a kiss, Bella. Yeah, it was not exactly ideal, but still, it was just a kiss," she says and I think she's being too easy on me.

"It was a really good kiss too! It was like I couldn't even stop myself. That damn storm, with all the electricity in the air, made me feel all wily. I didn't think, I just acted," I blubber. I sit up wiping the tears from my face, a whole new wave of guilt soaking me through and flooding me out

"You took a risk. It's what people do when they're in love," Alice says.

"But I shouldn't be in love with him! It's so unfair of me to expect this of him. Who knows, maybe in a couple of months, he could have been happy with Angela. She could have been perfect for him and I ruined that. I'm a monster! I'm a wretched horrible monster!"

"Oh Jesus, now you're just being overdramatic. You're not a monster. Sometimes you just can fight it anymore."

"Like Emily and Sam? They couldn't fight it and look what they did to Leah. I'm like Emily. I'm a fucking slut."

"Yep, Bella Swan, virgin slut," Alice laughs and I sock her in the arm. "Ow! Stop it, with the hitting thing!"

"I still have no idea where this leaves us. I mean, I basically told him I love him and he asked me to come to Seattle and I had to say no. I kissed him and ruined his relationship and then said no to him. Do you know how hard it is to say no to him? It's like we're right back where we started!" I throw my hands in the air.

"Oh, Bella. Sometimes you have to go back so you can move forward."

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SCHOOL'S OUT FOR SUMMER! I'm officially on vacation! I've been a madwoman this week and I missed responding to your messages. Thank you so much for notes and recs and alerts and love. I just want to smoosh all your faces.
I was interviewed by Sue from So You Think You Can Write. She's wonderful and we share a love of sequins. I'm a complete nerd and don't know when to shut up. Have a looksy! Link is on my profile.
A 90's Playlist has been added to my blog. If you likey the 90's tunes, check it out. Many of the songs may be making cameos in future chapters, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
SubtlePen is beta4realz and Miztrezboo is prereader2theXtreme. I love you fine ladies.


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